64
from the world shows me how she has seized me and commands me to have mercy on all those in the world. Walls, therefore, enclose me and I am held by the body and yet I am truly outside of these things, do not disbelieve! I do not perceive noises, and I do not hear voices, nor do I fear death, for I have passed beyond even this. I do not know what affliction is, even if all should grieve me; pleasures are bitterness to me, all passions flee, and I see a light always, in night and in day. Day seems night to me and night is day, and I do not wish to sleep, for this is a loss to me. But when all evils encircle me and by seeming so draw me down and overpower me, I find myself outside of them all, with her, suddenly then, of the joys and sorrows and pleasures of the world; (128) I enjoy the ineffable and divine joy, I revel in her beauty, I often embrace her, I kiss and venerate her, I have great gratitude to those who arranged for me to see her whom I longed for, and to partake of the ineffable light and to become light and to have communion with his gift from that moment on and to acquire the provider of all good things and to become unfailing in spiritual gifts. Who led me to these good things, drawing me on, who brought me up from the depth of worldly deceit? Who separated me from father and brothers and friends, and relatives and pleasures and the joy of the world? Who showed me the way of repentance and mourning, whence I found the day that has no end? It was an angel, not a man; yet he is a man by whom the world is mocked and the dragon is trodden underfoot, and the demons tremble at his presence. How can I tell you, brother, the wonders and prodigies I saw in Egypt performed by him? For the present I will tell you this one thing, for I cannot tell all. For he came down and found me a slave and a sojourner and said: ‘Come, my child, I will lead you to God!’ But I said to him out of great unbelief: ‘And what sign will you show me, that you may assure me, that you yourself are able to rescue me from Egypt and to snatch me from the hands of the deceitful Pharaoh, lest following you I should be in greater danger?’ ‘Kindle a great fire,’ he said, ‘so that I may enter into the middle, and if I do not remain unburnt, do not follow me!’ The word astounded me; I did what was commanded. (129) and the flame blazed up, and he stood in the middle, unharmed and uninjured, and called to me. ‘I am afraid,’ I said, ‘Master, for I am a sinner!’ He came out, came to me and embraced me;
64
ἐκ τοῦ κόσμου δεικνύει μοι πῶς αὕτη ἥρπασέ με καί ἐλεεῖν προστάσσει μοι πάντας τούς ἐν τῷ κόσμῳ. Τοῖχοι οὖν με συνέχουσι καί σώματι κρατοῦμαι καί ἔξω τούτων ἀληθῶς εἰμί, μή ἀπιστήσῃς! Κτύπων οὐκ ἐπαισθάνομαι, φωνάς δέ οὐκ ἀκούω, οὐδέ φοβοῦμαι θάνατον, παρῆλθον γάρ καί τοῦτον. Θλῖψιν οὐκ οἶδα, τί ἐστι, κἄν πάντες με λυπῶσιν˙ αἱ ἡδοναί πικρία μοι, φεύγουσι πάντα πάθη, καί φῶς ὁρῶ διά παντός ἐν νυκτί καί ἡμέρᾳ. Ἡμέρα νύξ μοι φαίνεται καί νύξ ἡμέρα ἔστιν, καί ὑπνῶσαι οὐ βούλομαι, ζημία γάρ μοι τοῦτο. Ὅταν δέ πάντα τά κακά περικυκλώσωσί με καί τῷ δοκεῖν καθέλξωσι καί κατισχύσωσί μου, ἔξω πάντων εὑρίσκομαι σύν αὐτῇ αἴφνης τότε, χαροπιῶν καί λυπηρῶν καί ἡδονῶν τοῦ κόσμου˙ (128) ἐπαπολαύω τῆς χαρᾶς τῆς ἀρρήτου καί θείας, κάλλους αὐτῆς κατατρυφῶ, συχνῶς ἀσπάζομαι ταύτην, καταφιλῶ καί προσκυνῶ, χάριν ἔχω μεγάλην τοῖς ἐμέ προξενήσασιν ἰδεῖν, ἥνπερ ἐπόθουν, καί τοῦ ἀφράστου μετασχεῖν φωτός καί φῶς γενέσθαι καί κοινωνῆσαι τῆς αὐτοῦ δωρεᾶς ἀπ᾿ ἐντεῦθεν καί κτήσασθαι τόν χορηγόν τῶν ἀγαθῶν ἁπάντων καί γενέσθαι ἀνελλιπής ψυχικῶν χαρισμάτων. Τίς με πρός ταῦτα τά καλά ὡδήγησεν ἑλκύσας, τίς ἐκ βυθοῦ ἀνήγαγε κοσμικῆς με ἀπάτης; Τίς ἀπεχώρισε πατρός καί ἀδελφῶν καί φίλων, συγγενῶν τε καί ἡδονῶν καί τῆς χαρᾶς τοῦ κόσμου; Τίς μοι ὑπέδειξεν ὁδόν μετανοίας καί πένθους, ὅθεν ἡμέραν εὕρηκα, τήν μή ἔχουσαν τέλος; Ἄγγελος ἦν, οὐκ ἄνθρωπος˙ ἄνθρωπος δ᾿ ὅμως πέλει παρ᾿ οὗ κόσμος ἐμπαίζεται καί ὁ δράκων πατεῖται, καί τρέμουσιν οἱ δαίμονες τούτου τήν παρουσίαν. Πῶς σοι ἐξείπω, ἀδελφέ, ἅ εἶδον ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ θαυμάσια καί τέρατα παρ᾿ αὐτοῦ γεγονότα; Ἕν τέως τοῦτο λέξω σοι, οὐ γάρ δύναμαι πάντα. Κατῆλθε γάρ καί εὗρέ με δοῦλον καί παροικοῦντα καί εἶπε˙ ∆εῦρο, τέκνον μου, πρός Θεόν σε ἀπάξω! Ἐγώ δέ εἶπον πρός αὐτόν ἐκ πολλῆς ἀπιστίας˙ Καί τί σημεῖον δείξεις μοι, ἵνα με βεβαιώσῃς, ὅτι αὐτός με δύνασαι ῥύσασθαι ἐξ Αἰγύπτου καί ἀφαρπάσαι τῶν χειρῶν Φαραώ τοῦ δολίου, μήπως ἀκολουθήσας σοι μειζόνως κινδυνεύσω; Πῦρ, ἔφη, μέγα ἄναψον καί ἵν᾿ εἰσέλθω μέσον, καί ἄν μή μείνω ἄφλεκτος, μή μοι ἀκολουθήσῃς! Ὁ λόγος με ἐξέπληξε, τό κελευσθέν ἐποίουν. (129) καί ἡ φλόξ διανήπτετο, καί αὐτός ἔστη μέσος, ἀσινής καί ἀλώβητος κἀμέ προσεκαλεῖτο. Φοβοῦμαι, ἔφην, ∆έσποτα, ἁμαρτωλός τυγχάνω! Ἐξῆλθεν, ἦλθε πρός ἐμέ καί κατησπάσατό με˙