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87

(234) So, having entered where I was accustomed to pray and having begun the "Holy God," and recalling the words of the holy man, I was immediately so moved to tears and to divine longing, that I was unable to express in words the joy and pleasure that came to me then. But indeed, immediately falling prostrate on the ground I saw, and behold, a great light shone upon me intellectually and took my whole mind along with my soul to itself, so that I was astonished by the suddenness of the wonder and was as if in ecstasy. Not only that, but I also forgot the place where I was standing, and who and where I was, only crying out "Lord have mercy," as I realized I was saying this when I came to my senses; but who it was that was speaking, father, or moving my tongue, I do not know—he says—God knows. For whether in the body, or out of the body I conversed with this light, that light itself knows, which also drove away whatever gloom there was in my soul and every earthly thought, which expelled from me all dense matter and weight of body that caused acedia and torpor in my members. For so did it invigorate, O awesome wonder, and strengthen the slackness of my joints and nerves, which had come upon me then from much labor, so that it seemed and appeared to me that I had put off the garment of corruption. And not only that, but it also straightway ineffably instilled in my soul great joy and intellectual perception and sweetness beyond any taste of visible things, and furthermore, it paradoxically granted and made known to me freedom and forgetfulness of all the thoughts of this life, and the very manner of the departure from this present life. For all the senses both of my mind and of my soul were joined to the unspeakable gladness of that light alone.

But when that boundless light which had appeared to me—he says—for I have no other proper and fitting name to call it, had somehow gently subsided and, as it were, contracted, I came to my senses and, knowing what its power had suddenly wrought in me and understanding its separation and considering how it had again left me alone in this life, I became possessed by grief and by such a heavy pain, that I am at a loss to express worthily the magnitude of the varied and most intense pain kindled like a fire in my heart. Therefore—he said—"set forth, if you are able, father, the pain of the separation and the immeasurable quality of the love and the fullness of the longing and the height of the greatest good deed. For I am able neither to say with my mouth nor to comprehend with my mind the boundlessness of the vision."

"But tell me," I said, "O most venerable father and brother, the energies of what was seen by you more plainly and more clearly." And that sweet man, full of the divine Spirit and deemed worthy of contemplation, most quickly answered with a most gentle and honey-flowing voice: "It gladdens, father, when it appears and wounds when it is hidden. And it comes near me and carries me up to the heavens. It is a pearl. And the light clothes me and appears to me as a star and is uncontainable to all. It flashes like the sun and I perceive creation contained within it; it shows me all things in it and commands me to keep my own measures. I am contained by a roof and walls and it opens the heavens to me. I lift my eyes (236) sensibly to see the things there and I see everything as it was before. I marvel at what has happened and I hear a voice speaking to me mystically from above: 'These are riddles and preludes, for you will not see the perfect until you are clothed in the flesh. But return to yourself and see that you do not do anything of those things that deprive you of what is here. But if you should even slip, let it be for a reminder of humility, but do not desist from diligently pursuing repentance. For this, united with my love for mankind, effaces both past and present offenses'."

87

(234) Εἰσελθών οὖν ἔνθα εἰώθην προσεύχεσθαι καί τό "Ἅγιος ὁ Θεός" ἐναρξάμενος, μνησθείς τε τῶν λόγων τοῦ ἁγίου, εὐθέως εἰς δάκρυα καί εἰς πόθον θεῖον ἐπί τοσοῦτον ἐκινήθην, ὥστε μή δύνασθαί με διά λόγου παραστῆσαι τήν γενομένην μοι τηνικαῦτα χαράν τε καί ἡδονήν. Ἀλλά γάρ εὐθύς πρηνής πεσών ἐπί γῆς εἶδον, καί ἰδού φῶς πολύ νοερῶς ἐπιλάμψαν μοι καί προσλαβόμενόν μου τόν νοῦν ὅλον ἅμα πρός ἑαυτό καί τήν ψυχήν, ὥστε τῷ ἀθρόῳ τοῦ θαύματος ἐκπλαγῆναί με καί ὡς ἐν ἐκστάσει γενέσθαι. Οὐ μήν ἀλλά γάρ καί ἐπελαθόμην τοῦ τε τόπου, ἐν ᾧ ἱστάμην, καί ὅστις ὑπῆρχον καί ποῦ, μόνον κράζων τό "Κύριε ἐλέησον", καθώς καί ἐν συναισθήσει γενόμενος τοῦτο λέγων ἐπέγνων· τίς δέ ἦν ὁ λαλῶν, πάτερ, ἤ κονῶν μου τήν γλῶτταν, οὐκ οἶδα - φησίνὁ Θεός οἶδεν. Εἴτε γάρ ἐν σώματι, εἴτε ἐκτός σώματος τῷ φωτί τούτῳ προσωμίλησα, οἶδεν αὐτό τό φῶς, τό καί ἀποδιῶξαν ὅσον ἀχλυῶδες ὑπῆρχεν ἐν τῇ ψυχῇ μου καί ἅπαν γήϊνον φρόνημα, τό ἀπελάσαν ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ ὕλην ὅση παχεῖα καί βάρος σώματος τό ἀκηδίαν καί νάρκωσιν ἐμποιῆσαν τοῖς ἐμοῖς μέλεσιν. Οὕτω γάρ ἐτόνωσεν, ὤ θαύματος φρικτοῦ, καί ἐνίσχυσε τήν ἔκλυσιν τῶν ἄρθρων καί νεύρων, τήν ἐκ τοῦ πολλοῦ κόπου μοι τηνικαῦτα προσγενομένην, ὡς δόξαι καί φανῆναί μοι φθορᾶς ἱμάτιον ἀποδύσασθαι. Οὐ μόνον δέ, ἀλλά καί χαράν εὐθέως πολλήν νοεράν τε αἴσθησιν καί γλυκύτητα ὑπέρ πᾶσαν γεῦσιν τῶν ὁρωμένων ἐν τῇ ψυχῇ μου ἀφράστως ἐνέσταξεν, ἔτι δέ, ἐλευθερίαν καί λήθην πάντων λογισμῶν τῶν ἐν τῷ βίῳ, καί αὐτόν τόν τῆς ἐκδημίας τρόπον τῆς παρούσης ζωῆς παραδόξως ἐχαρίσατό μοι καί ἐγνώρισε. Πρός γάρ μόνην τήν ἐκείνου τοῦ φωτός (235) ἄρρητον εὐφροσύνην πᾶσαι καί τοῦ νοός καί τῆς ψυχῆς αἱ αἰσθήσεις μου ἐκολλήθησαν.

Ἀλλά γάρ τοῦ φανέντος μοι - φησίνἐκείνου ἀπλέτου φωτόςοὐδέ γάρ ἔχω τι ἕτερον τοῦτο καλέσαι οἰκεῖον καί κατάλληλον ὄνομα , ἠρέμα πως ὑπολωφήσαντος καί οἱονεί συσταλέντος, ἐν συναισθήσει ἐγενόμην καί γνούς οἷα ἡ τούτου δύναμις ἀθρόον εἰργάσατο ἐν ἐμοί καί ἐννοήσας τόν αὐτοῦ χωρισμόν καί ὡς πάλιν ἐν τῷ βίῳ μόνον με κατέλιπεν ἀναλογισάμενος, λύπῃ κάτοχος γέγονα καί ὀδύνῃ βαρείᾳ τοσαύτῃ, ὡς ἐκφράσαι ἀξίως ἀπορῶ τό μέγεθος τῆς δίκην πυρός ἀναφθείσης ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ μου ποικίλης καί σφοδροτάτης ὀδύνης. Λοιπόν οὖν παράστησον ἔλεγεν - εἰ δύνασαι σύ, πάτερ, τόν τε πόνον τοῦ χωρισμοῦ καί τῆς ἀγάπης τό ἄμετρον καί τό πλῆθος τοῦ ἔρωτος καί τῆς μεγίστης εὐεργεσίας τό ὕψος. Ἐγώ γάρ οὔτε λέγειν διά στόματος δύναμαι οὔτε νῷ καταλαβεῖν τό ἀπέραντον τῆς ὁράσεως".

"Ἀλλ᾿ εἰπέ μοι σύ, ὦ σεβασμιώτατε πάτερ καί ἀδελφέ, ἔφην ἐγώ, τάς τοῦ ὁραθέντος σοι ἐνεργείας τρανότερον καί σαφέστερον". Ὁ δέ γλυκύς ἐκεῖνος καί πλήρης Πνεύματος θείου καί θεωρίας ἠξιωμένος προσηνεστάτῃ καί μελιρρύτῳ φωνῇ τάχιστα ἀπεκρίνατο· "Εὐφραίνει, πάτερ, φαινόμενον καί τιτρώσκει κρυπτόμενον. Καί πλησίον μου γίνεται καί εἰς οὐρανούς ἀναφέρει με. Μαργαρίτης ἐστί. Καί τό φῶς ἐπενδύει με καί ὡς ἄστρον μοι φαίνεται καί ὑπάρχει τοῖς πᾶσιν ἀχώρητον. Ἀπαστράπτει ὡς ἥλιος καί τήν κτίσιν συνεχομένην κατανοῶ ἐν αὐτῷ, τά ἐν αὐτῇ πάντα δεικνύει μοι καί φυλάσσειν προστάττει μοι τά μέτρα τά ἴδια. Συνέχομαι ὑπό στέγης καί τοίχων καί τούς οὐρανούς διανοίγει μοι. Τούς ὀφθαλμούς μου αἴρω (236) αἰσθητῶς τά ἐκεῖσε θεάσασθαι καί πάντα βλέπω καθώς ὑπῆρχον τό πρότερον. Θαυμάζω τό γεγονός καί ἀκούω φωνῆς μυστικῶς λεγούσης μοι ἄνωθεν· ῾Ταῦτα αἰνίγματά εἰσι καί προοίμια, τό γάρ τέλειον οὐ θεάσῃ ἕως τήν σάρκα ἐνδέδυσαι. Ἀλλά πρός ἑαυτόν ἐπίστρεφε καί βέπε μή τι πράξῃς τῶν τά ἐνταῦθα ἀποστερούντων σε. Εἰ δέ καί παρασφαλεῖς, εἰς ὑπόμνημα ταπεινώσεως, ἀλλά μή ἀποστῇς τῆς μετανοίας ἐπιμελούμενος. Αὕτη γάρ καί τά προγεγονότα καί τά γινόμενα πταίσματα, τῇ ἐμῇ φιλανθρωπίᾳ ἑνουμένη, ἐξαφανίζει᾿."