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89

In the midst of this again a bright sun shone and from it a ray appeared and this filled all things and what was perceived was incomprehensible, in which I remained, weeping most sweetly and marveling at the ineffable things. But a divine Mind communed with my mind and, speaking thus, taught: "Have you known what my power has lovingly made of you because of a little faith and patience, which confirms your love? Behold, being under death, you have become immortal, and being held by corruption, you are found above it. You inhabit the world and you exist with me; you are clothed in a body and you are not dragged down by any of the pleasures of the body. You are small in what is seen and you see intellectually. Certainly I brought you from non-being into being".

(240) To which things I answered with trembling and joy and said: "Who am I, Lord, the sinner and unclean one, that you have even looked upon me at all and deemed me worthy of conversation? You who are unstained, invisible, and to all unapproachable, how are you shown to me as approachable and sweet and appearing most beautiful through your resplendent glory and grace?".

These things I heard mystically and paradoxically I answered, but that which was beyond nature astonished me and the fearfulness compelled me to withdraw. The ineffable beauty of the one who appeared wounded my heart and drew me to infinite love, and love made me not to turn to the things below, but as one already completely and outside the bonds of the flesh, I rejoiced and again I was a whole man. Assurance of the forgiveness of sins was given to me, and I saw myself as more sinful than any man. I could not disbelieve the one who was speaking, and I was afraid to believe because of the fall from pride. Unwillingly I am drawn down by this because of the measure of humanity and the greater safety of humility. I know many things that are unknown to the majority, and I am more boorish than all men. I rejoice that Christ, in whom I have believed, has granted me an eternal and unshakable kingdom, and as one unworthy of the things there I weep continually, and weeping I will not cease. I do not dare to open my mouth and ask for forgiveness for the things I have done, and yet for others I speak boldly out of love and, to speak foolishly, I am even heard. I stand as a son, and yet I am disposed as a stranger without boldness. ( 241) "Well done, faithful servant" I hear, and the rest, and yet in truth I find myself having not even kept the one talent out of all that were given to me. I seem to apprehend the height of good things, and lying below in the abyss of my sins I am held fast and am plunged into despair, and when I become lower than all, then I am lifted up above the heavens and in love I am again united to Christ our God, in whom also I hope, when deprived of this earthly and heavy flesh, to stand nearer, and not only this but also to be initiated more clearly into the eternal gladness and exultation of the love there.

Therefore, my brothers, I wanted to write these things, not as one wishing to hunt for glory—for such a one is foolish and a stranger to the glory above—, but so that you might know the immeasurable love for mankind of God, and what kind of a thing is the very light burden of the commandments of our Savior Christ and God Himself, and how great is the recompense of His gift, which things learning, you might either long to attain His love, or you might fear and shudder at failing to attain it as an eternal death, and in addition to these things you will be taught also the height of humility and the proof of perfect love, and moreover you will know the commerce of God's condescension and you will see the gift of His great and unemptied emptying toward us and you will learn the awesome manner of the remolding of the man of dust, and how those live who have willed to believe in the crucified Christ, that is, those who have imitated His (242) obedience and humility, and who have willed to incline from worse things to better, and how those are changed who for the love of Him who loved us leave all things behind, while being deprived of none of the present or future things, how paradoxically become those

89

μέσον τούτου πάλιν φαιδρός ἔλαμψεν ἥλιος καί ἐξ αὐτοῦ ἐφάνη ἀκτίς καί αὕτη τά πάντα ἐπλήρωσε καί τό νοούμενον ἀκατάληπτον, ἐν οἷς ἔμεινά τε ἐγώ δακρύων ἡδύτατα καί θαυμάζων τά ἄφραστα. Νοῦς δέ θεῖος τῷ ἐμῷ νοΐ προσωμίλει καί οὕτω λέγων ἐδίδασκεν· "Ἔγνως οἷόν σε ἡ ἐμή δύναμις ἀπετέλεσε φιλανθρώπως δία πίστιν καί ὑπομονήν μικράν, τήν ἀγάπην σου βεβαιοῦσαν; Ἰδού ὑπό θάνατον ὤν, ἐγένου ἀθάνατος καί κρατούμενος τῇ φθορᾷ, εὑρίσκῃ ταύτης ἐπάνω. Κόσμον οἰκεῖς καί σύν ἐμοί ὑπάρχεις, σῶμα ἐνδέδυσαι καί οὐδεμιᾷ τῶν τοῦ σώματος ἡδονῶν ὑποσύρῃ. Μικρός εἶ τό ὁρώμενον καί νοερῶς ὁρᾷς. Πάντως ἐγώ σε ἐκ τοῦ μή ὄντος εἰς τό εἶναι παρήγαγον".

(240) Πρός ἅ τρόμῳ καί χαρᾷ ἀνταπεκρινάμην καί ἔλεγον· "Τίς εἰμί ἐγώ, Κύριε, ὁ ἁμαρτωλός καί ἀκάθαρτος, ὅτι δή καί ὅλως ἐπέβλεψας ἐπ᾿ ἐμέ καί ὁμιλίας ἠξίωσας; Ὁ ἄχραντος, ὁ ἀόρατος καί τοῖς πᾶσιν ἀπρόσιτος, πῶς ἐμοί προσιτός καί γλυκύς καί φαινόμενος ὡραιότατος διά τῆς ἀπαστραπτούσης σου δόξης καί χάριτος δείκνυσαι;".

Ταῦτα ἤκουον μέν μυστικῶς καί παραδόξως ἀπεκρινάμην, τό δέ ὑπέρ φύσιν ἐξέπληττε καί τό φοβερόν ἀποστῆναί με ἠνάγκαζε. Τό ἄφραστον κάλλος τοῦ φαινομένου ἐτίτρωσκέ μου τήν καρδίαν καί πρός ἀγάπην εἷλκε με ἄπειρον, ἡ δέ ἀγάπη ἐποίει με πρός τά κάτω μή στρέφεσθαι, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς ἤδη τελείως καί ἔξω τῶν δεσμῶν τῆς σαρκός γεγονώς, ἔχαιρον καί πάλιν ἤμην τό ὅλον ἄνθρωπος. Πληροφορία τῆς συγχωρήσεως τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν μοι ἐδίδοτο καί ὑπέρ πάντα ἄνθρωπον ἔβλεπον ἐμαυτόν ἁμαρτωλότερον. Ἀπιστῆσαι τῷ λαλοῦντι οὐκ εἶχον καί πιστεῦσαι ἐφοβούμην διά τήν τῆς ἐπάρσεως ἔκπτωσιν. Ἀκουσίως ταύτης καθέλκομαι διά τό μέτρον τῆς ἀνθρωπότητος καί τό τῆς ταπεινώσεως ἀσφαλέστερον. Πολλά γινώσκω τῶν τοῖς πλείοσιν ἀγνοουμένων καί ὑπέρ ἅπαντας ἀνθρώπους εἰμί ἀγροικότερος. Χαίρω ὅτι μοι Χριστός, ᾧ πεπίστευκα, ἐδωρήσατο βασιλείαν αἰώνιον καί ἀσάλευτον καί ὡς ἀνάξιος τῶν ἐκεῖσε κλαίω διαπαντός καί κλαίων οὐ παύσομαι. Ἀνοῖξαι τό στόμα καί συγχώρησιν αἰτήσασθαι τῶν ἐμοί πεπραγμένων οὐ τολμῶ καί ὑπέρ ἄλλων ἐξ ἀγάπης παρρησιάζομαι και ἵν᾿ ἀφρόνως εἴπω καί εἰσακούομαι. Ὡς υἱός παρίσταμαι καί οὕτω διάκειμαι ὡς ξένος ἀπαρρησίαστος. ( 241) "Εὖ δοῦλε πιστέ" ἀκούω καί τά ἑξῆς, καί ὅλως ἐν ἀληθείᾳ εὑρίσκομαι μηδέ τό ἕν φυλάξας τάλαντον ἐκ πάντων ὁμοῦ τῶν δοθέντων μοι. Τῶν καλῶν καταλαβεῖν δοκῶ τό ἀκρότατον καί εἰς τήν ἄβυσσον τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν μου κάτω κείμενος κατέχομαι καί τῇ ἀπογνώσει βυθίζομαι καί ὅταν πάντων κατώτερος γένωμαι, τότε ὑπεράνω τῶν οὐρανῶν ἀναφέρομαι καί τῇ ἀγάπῃ πάλιν ἑνοῦμαι Χριστῷ τῷ Θεῷ ἡμῶν, ᾧ καί ἐλπίζω, τῆς γεώδους ταύτης καί βαρείας σαρκός στερηθείς, παραστῆναι ἐγγύτερον, οὐ μήν ἀλλά γάρ καί μυηθῆναι σαφέστερον τῆς ἐκεῖ ἀγάπης τήν αἰώνιον εὐφροσύνην καί ἀγαλλίασιν.

Ταῦτα τοιγαροῦν, ἀδελφοί μου, γράψαι ἠθέλησα οὐχ ὡς δόξαν θηρᾶσαι βουλόμενος ἄφρων γάρ ὁ τοιοῦτος καί τῆς ἄνω δόξης ἀλλότριος , ἀλλ᾿ ὅπως εἰδότες ἔσεσθε τήν ἄμετρον φιλανθρωπίαν τοῦ Θεοῦ καί οἷον ὑπάρχει τῶν ἐντολῶν τό φορτίον τό ἐλαφρότατον αὐτοῦ τοῦ Σωτῆρος ἡμῶν Χριστοῦ καί Θεοῦ καί ὅση τῆς αὐτοῦ δωρεᾶς ἡ ἀντίδοσις ἅ καί μανθάνοντες ἤ ἐπιποθήσατε τῆς αὐτοῦ ἀγάπης ἐπιτυχεῖν ἤ τό ταύτης ἀποτυχεῖν ὡς αἰώνιον θάνατον φοβήθητε καί φρίξατε , διδαχθήσεσθε δέ πρός τούτοις καί ταπεινώσεως ὕψος καί τελείας ἀγάπης τεκμήριον, ἔτι δέ καί τό ἐμπόρευμα τῆς τοῦ Θεοῦ συγκαταβάσεως γνώσεσθε καί τό δῶρον τῆς μεγάλης αὐτοῦ καί ἀκενώτου πρός ἡμᾶς κενώσεως εἴσεσθε καί τόν φρικτόν τρόπον τῆς χοϊκῆς ἀναπλάσεως καταμάθετε, ὅπως τε ζῶσιν οἱ πιστεῦσαι θελήσαντες τῷ σταυρωθέντι Χριστῷ, οἱ μιμησάμενοι δηλονότι τήν αὐτοῦ (242) ὑπακοήν καί ταπείνωσιν καί νεῦσαι βουληθέντες ἐκ τῶν χειρόνων ἐπί τά κρείττονα, καί ὅπως ἀλλοιοῦνται οἱ διά τήν ἀγάπην τοῦ ἡμᾶς ἀγαπήσαντος πάντα καταλιμπάνοντες, μηδενός δέ τῶν ἐνεστώτων ἤ μελλόντων στερούμενοι, ὅπως γίνονται παραδόξως οἱ