Chapter 11.—The Apostle Peter Told No Lie, When He Said He Was Ready to Lay Down His Life for the Lord, But Only Was Ignorant of His Will.

But perhaps you despise me for confessing all this, and will in consequence compare me with “cattle.” For myself, however, I will not cease to advise you, or (if you refuse to listen to me) at all events to warn you, to acknowledge rather this common infirmity, in which virtue is perfected; lest, by assuming unknown things to be known, you fail to attain to the truth. For I suppose that there is something which even you wish to understand, but are unable; which you would never seek to understand, unless you hoped some day to succeed in your research. Thus you also are ignorant of the powers of your own understanding, who profess to know all about your own nature, and decline to follow me in my confession of ignorance. Well, there is also the will; what am I to say about that, where certainly free choice is ostentatiously claimed by us? The blessed Apostle Peter, indeed, was willing to lay down his life for the Lord. He was no doubt sincere in his willingness; nor was he treacherous to the Lord when he made the promise. But his will was entirely ignorant of its own powers. Therefore the great apostle, who had discovered his Master to be the Son of God, was unknown to himself. Thus we are quite aware respecting ourselves that we will a thing, or “nill” it; but although our will is a good one, we are ignorant, my dear son, unless we deceive ourselves, of its strength, of its resources, of what temptations it may yield to, or of what it may resist.

11. Sed me contemnis forsitan confitentem, et propter hoc quoque pecoribus comparabis. Ego autem monere, vel si non dignaris, certe admonere non desino, ut agnoscas potius communem infirmitatem, in qua virtus perficitur: ne pro cognitis incognita praesumendo, ad veritatem pervenire non possis. Puto enim esse aliquid, quod et tu intelligere quaeris, nec potes, nec tamen quaereres, nisi te posse sperares. Ac per hoc et tu vires intelligentiae tuae nescis, qui naturae tuae scientiam profiteris, nec mecum igorantiam confiteris. Quid dicam de voluntate, ubi certe liberum a nobis praedicatur arbitrium? Nempe beatissimus apostolus Petrus volebat pro Domino animam ponere (Joan. XIII, 37): plane volebat; neque enim Deum id pollicendo fallebat: sed quantas vires haberet, voluntas ipsa nesciebat. Proinde vir tantus, qui Filium Dei esse cognoverat, se latebat. Scimus nos itaque aliquid velle, seu nolle: sed voluntas nostra etiam cum bona est, quantum valeat, quantas vires habeat, quibus tentationibus cedat, quibusve non cedat, si nos non fallimus, fili dilecte, nescimus.