108

brings the one who possesses it to despair and harms all others who use it. A just measure of humility is neither to despair of oneself completely, nor to think that there is anyone in the world worse than oneself in unseemly actions, and to weep and lament always for this reason and to despise all visible things. For this is a proof of mourning, which according to God comes from the soul. But if he holds on to any of the visible things, he has not yet known himself in perception, nor has he received fear in his heart of divine judgment and eternal fire, nor has he acquired perfect humility, and for this reason he falls away from both the vision and the gift of those good things, which no eye of man has seen. Let us all hasten to find humility, (199) the nameless grace of our souls, which has no name, but by experience becomes named for those who possess it. Christ is meek, and humble in heart; the one who has acquired Him dwelling within knows that through Him he has humility, or rather, that He Himself is humility. A soul seeking glory from men has not known this humility at all; and one who possesses even some conceit, how will he have humility within himself? In no way indeed! Woe is me, the all-wretched, the vainglorious and arrogant, who possesses not a single virtue and who insensibly passes all my days in this present life! Who will not weep for me, who will not mourn vehemently, that I have fled the world and the things in the world, and have not been separated from the perception of the world? I am clothed in the habit of the monks and as a worldly person I love the things in the world, glory, and wealth and pleasures and delights. I bear the cross of Christ upon my shoulders and to endure the reproaches of the cross I utterly refuse, I do not want it at all, but I insert myself among the glorious and with them I wish to be glorified. Oh, the calamity, oh, the insensibility! I am worthy of a double condemnation; for having stumbled much before in life

108

εἰς ἀπόνοιαν φέρει τόν κεκτημένον καί πάντας ἄλλους βλάπτει τούτῳ χρωμένους. ∆ίκαιον μέτρον ταπεινώσεως ἔστι τό μήτε πάντῃ αὐτοῦ ἀπογινώσκειν, μήτε οἴεσθαι εἶναί τινα ἐν κόσμῳ χείρονα ἑαυτόῦ ἐν πράξεσιν ἀτόποις, κλαίειν τε ἀεί καί θρηνεῖν διά τοῦτο καί καταφρονεῖν πάντων τῶν ὁρωμένων. Τοῦτο γάρ ἐστι τεκμήριον τοῦ πένθους, τοῦ κατά Θεόν ἐκ ψυχῆς γινομένου. Εἰ δ᾿ ἀντέχεταί τινος τῶν ὁρωμένων, οὔπω ἑαυτόν ἔγνωκεν ἐν αἰσθήσει, οὐδέ φόβον ἔλαβεν ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ κρίσεως θείας καί πυρός αἰωνίου, οὐδ᾿ ἐκτήσατο ταπείνωσιν τελεία, καί διά τοῦτο ἐκπίπτει καί τῆς θέας καί τῆς δωρεᾶς τῶν ἀγαθῶν ἐκείνων, ὧνπερ ὀφθαλμός οὐδείς ἀνθρώπων εἶδεν. Σπεύσωμεν πάντες ταπείνωσιν εὑρέσθαι, (199) τήν ἀνώνυμον τῶν ψυχῶν ἡμῶν χάριν, ἥτις οὐκ ἔχει ὄνομα, τῇ δέ πείρᾳ ἐνωνύμως γίνεται τοῖς κεκτημένοις. Πρᾷος ὁ Χριστός, ταπεινός τῇ καρδίᾳ˙ ἔνοικον τοῦτον ὁ κτησάμενος ἔγνω ὅτι δι᾿ αὐτοῦ τήν ταπείνωσιν ἔχει, μᾶλλον δέ αὐτός ἡ ταπείνωσις ἔστι. Ψυχή ζητοῦσα δόξαν ἐκ τῶν ἀνθρώπων ταύτην τήν ταπείνωσιν ὅλως οὐκ ἔγνω˙ ὁ δέ οἴησιν κἄν ποσῶς κεκτημένος, πῶς ἐντός αὐτοῦ τήν ταπείνωσιν ἕξει; Οὐδαμῶς ὄντως! Οἴμοι τῷ παναθλίῳ, τῷ κενοδόξῳ καί κατεπαιρομένῳ καί μηδέ μίαν ἀρετήν κεκτημένῳ καί ἀναισθήτως πάσας παρερχομένῳ τάς ἡμέρας μου ἐν τῷ παρόντι βίῳ! Τίς μή κλαύσῃ με, τίς μή σφοδρῶς πενθήσῃ, ὅτι ἔφυγον κόσμον καί τά ἐν κόσμῳ, καί τῇ αἰσθήσει κόσμου οὐκ ἐχωρίσθην; Τό τῶν μοναχῶν περιβέβλημαι σχῆμα καί ὡς κοσμικός ἀγαπῶ τά ἐν κόσμῳ, δόξαν, πλοῦτόν τε καί ἡδονάς καί τέρψεις. Ἐπί τῶν ὤμων τόν σταυρόν Χριστοῦ φέρω καί ὑποφέρειν τά τοῦ σταυροῦ ὀνείδη ὅλως ἀπαναίνομαι, ὅλως οὐ θέλω, ἀλλά ἐνδόξοις ἐμαυτόν παρενείρω καί σύν ἐκείνοις τό δοξάζεσθαι θέλω. Ὤ τῆς συμφορᾶς, ὤ τῆς ἀναισθησίας! ∆ιπλῆς ὑπάρχω ἄξιος κατάδίκης˙ πταίσας γάρ πολλά πρότερον ἐν τῷ βίῳ