109

(200) I promised to repent well; but now I have appeared as an ungrateful transgressor of all the good things which God has provided for me, and I have been shown to be a denier of the covenants and unworthy of all loving-kindness. But O my God, O alone all-merciful one, hasten, come before, turn me again toward repentance, toward tears, toward mourning, so that I may be washed and cleansed and see Your glory shining clearly in me, which grant to me now and for ever, as I glorify You with unceasing voices, the Maker and Master of the ages.

25.

Concerning the vision of the divine light that came to him, and how the divine light is not overcome by darkness; in which, astonished by the excess of the revelations, he remembers human weakness and condemns himself. (201)

How shall I describe, Master, the sight of Your face, how shall I speak of the ineffable vision of beauty? How will the utterance of a tongue contain Him whom the world does not contain, how could anyone be able to express Your loving-kindness? For sitting in the light of a lamp shining for me and illuminating the gloom and the darkness of the night, I seemed to be in light, paying attention to my reading, as if researching the words and examining the syntax. As I was, then, Master, occupied with these things, suddenly You appeared from above, much greater than the sun, and you shone from the heavens down into my heart. And I saw all other things to be as a deep darkness, and a luminous pillar in the middle, cutting through all the air, stretched from the heavens down to me, the wretched one. And immediately I forgot the light of the lamp, I did not remember the house, that I was inside it, and in the seeming air of darkness I was seated, but I also had a complete forgetting of my own body. I spoke to You and now I speak from the depth of my heart: (202) Have mercy on me, Master, have mercy on me, alone, on me who has in no way ever served You, Savior, but who has angered You from a young age. I have pursued every carnal and spiritual evil and have committed countless, monstrous sins, beyond all men, beyond all unreasoning creatures; I have surpassed all reptiles and wild beasts.

109

(200) ἐπηγγειλάμην καλῶς μετανοῆσαι˙ νῦν ἐφάνην δέ παραβάτης ἀγνώμων πάντων τῶν καλῶν, ὧν μοι Θεός παρέσχε, καί τῶν συνθηκῶν ἀρνητής ἀπεδείχθην καί ἀνάξιος πάσης φιλανθρωπίας. Ἀλλ᾿ ὦ Θεέ μου, ὦ πανοικτίρμον μόνε, σπεῦσον, πρόφθασον, ἐπίστρεψόν με πάλιν πρός μετάνοιαν, πρός δάκρυα, πρός πένθος, ἵνα λούσωμαι καί καθαρθῶ καί ἴδω λάμψασαν τρανῶς ἐν ἐμοί τήν σήν δόξαν, ἥν μοι χάρισαι νῦν καί εἰς τούς αἰῶνας δοξάζοντί σε φωναῖς ἀκαταπαύστοις, τόν τῶν εἰώνων Ποιητήν καί ∆εσπότην.

ΚΕ'.

Περί τῆς γενομένης θεωρίας αὐτῷ τοῦ θείου φωτρός, καί ὅπως τό θεῖον φῶς οὐ καταλαμβάνεται ὑπό σκότους˙ ἐν οἷς καί διά τήν ὑπερβολήν τῶν ἀποκαλύψεων ἐκπληττόμενος μέμνηται τῆς ἀνθρωπίνης ἀσθενείας καί ἑαυτόν κατακρίνει. (201)

Πῶς διαγράψω, ∆έσποτα, προσώπου σου τήν θέαν, πῶς εἴπω τήν ἀνέκφραστον θεωρίαν τοῦ κάλλους; Πῶς ὅν ὁ κόσμος οὐ χωρεῖ, γλώσσης φθογγή χωρήσει, πῶς τις ἐκφράσαι δυνηθῇ τήν σήν φιαλνθρωπίαν; Καθήμενος γάρ ἐν φωτί λαμπάδος μοι φαινούσης καί φωτιζούσης τῆς νυκτός τόν ζόφον καί τό σκότος ἐδόκουν εἶναι ἐν φωτί προσέχων ἀναγνώσει, λέξεις τε οἷα ἐρευνῶν καί σκοπῶν τάς συντάξεις. Ὠς οὖν ὑπῆρχον, ∆έσποτα, ἀδολεσχῶν ἐν τούτοις, αἴφνης ἐφάνης ἄνωθεν πολύ μείζων ἡλίου καί ἔλαμψας ἐξ οὐρανῶν μέχρις ἐμῆς καρδίας. Τά δ᾿ ἄλλα πάντα ὡς βαθύ σκότος εἶναι ἐώρων, στῦλος δέ μέσον φωτεινός, ὅλον τεμών ἀέρα διῆκεν ἐκ τῶν οὐρανῶν ἕως ἐμοῦ τοῦ τάλα. Εὐθύς ἐπελαθόμην δέ φωτός τοῦ λυχνιαίου, οἰκίας ἠμνημόνησα ὅτι ἐντός ὐπάρχω, ἐν τῷ δοκεῖν ἀέρι δέ τοῦ σκότους ἐκαθήμην, πλήν καί τοῦ σώματος αὐτοῦ λήθην ἔσχον εἰς ἅπαν. Ἐλάλουν σοι καί νῦν λαλῶ ἐκ βάθους μου καρδίας˙ (202) Ἐλέησόν με, ∆έσποτα, ἐλέησόν με, μόνε, τόν μηδαμῶς μηδέποτε δουλεύσαντά σοι, Σῶτερ, ἀλλά σε παροργίζοντα ἐκ νέας ἡλικίας. Πᾶσαν μετῆλθον σαρκικήν καί ψυχικήν κακίαν καί ἁμαρτίας ἔπραξα ἀμετρήτους, ἀτόπους, ὑπέρ ἀνθρώπους ἅπαντας, ὑπέρ ἄλογα πάντα, ἑρπετά καί θηρία τε πάντα ὑπερνίκησας.