110

were brokenhearted, and unwillingly they returned, their eyes frequently turning back, and hindering their progress with their feet. But some of the more fervent, even wailing, followed him from a distance, until the coming of night separated them from each other. χχχῃιι So that noble one went out from the palace rejoicing, as when someone returning to his own country from a long exile would travel joyfully. And he was clothed, on the outside with the customary garments, but on the inside with that hair-cloth garment which Barlaam 562 had given him. And on that night, having come to the little house of a certain poor man, he took off the clothes he was wearing, and gives this final good deed to the poor man; and thus, making God his helper through the prayers of that man and of many other poor people, and putting His grace and help around himself as a garment of salvation and a tunic of gladness, he went out to the desert life, carrying no bread, no water, nor anything else necessary for sustenance, wearing no garment but only that harsh rag which we mentioned a little while ago. For having been wounded in the soul with a certain supernatural longing and divine love for the immortal king Christ, he was wholly ecstatic for the One he longed for, wholly transformed for God, possessed by His love; For love, it says, is strong as fire; such was the intoxication he received from divine love, and thus he was kindled with thirst, according to the one who said: As the hart longs for the fountains of waters, so my soul longs for you, O God; my soul has thirsted for God, the strong, the living; and as the soul wounded by such love cries out in the Song of Songs: You have ravished our heart with your longing, you have ravished our heart; and: Show me your face, and let me hear your voice; for your voice is a sweet voice and your countenance is beautiful. Having received in their heart the longing for this ineffable beauty of Christ, the choir of the apostles and the companies of the martyrs looked down on all things seen, and on all of this fleeting life, 564 and they chose the myriad forms of tortures and deaths, having fallen in love with the divine beauty and having considered the love of the divine Word for us. This fire also this beautiful man, noble in body, but much more most noble and most royal in soul, having received in himself, despises all earthly things together, he tramples on all the pleasures of the body, he scorns wealth and glory and the honor from men, he puts aside the diadem and the purple robe, considering these things cheaper than spiders' webs, and eagerly gives himself over to all the toilsome and painful things of the ascetic life, crying out, "My soul has cleaved, O my Christ, my soul has cleaved to you; your right hand has upheld me." And thus having proceeded without turning back into the depth of the desert, and having put away the confusion of temporal things as some burden and a very heavy collar, he rejoiced in the spirit, and having gazed upon Christ whom he longed for, he cried out to him, speaking as to one present and hearing his voice: "May my eye," he says, "no longer see the good things of this world, O Lord; may my mind not be drawn away from here by present vanity; but fill my eyes, O Lord, with spiritual tears and direct my steps, and show me your servant Barlaam. show me the one who became the author of my salvation, so that through him I might learn the exactness of this desert and ascetic life and not be tripped up by inexperience of the wars of the enemy. grant me, O Lord, to find the way by which I may attain you, for 566 my soul is wounded with longing for you, and I thirst for you, the fount of salvation.

110

διερράγησαν, καὶ ἄκοντες ἐπανήρχοντο, πυκνῶς αὐτοῖς τῶν ὀφθαλμῶν ἐπιστρεφομένων, καὶ τὴν πορείαν τοῖς ποσὶν ἐγκοπτόντων. τινὲς δὲ τῶν θερμοτέρων καὶ ὀδυρόμενοι μακρόθεν ἠκολούθουν αὐτῷ, ἕως ἡ νὺξ ἐπελθοῦσα διέστησεν αὐτοὺς ἀπ' ἀλλήλων. χχχῃιι Ἐξῆλθεν οὖν τῶν βασιλείων ὁ γενναῖος ἐκεῖνος χαίρων, ὡς ὅταν ἐκ μακρᾶς ἐξορίας εἰς τὴν ἰδίαν τις ἐπανερχόμενος γηθοσύνως πορεύοιτο. καὶ ἦν ἐνδεδυμένος, ἔξωθεν μὲν τὰ ἐξ ἔθους ἱμάτια, ἔσωθεν δὲ τὸ τρίχινον ῥάκος ἐκεῖνο ὅπερ ὁ Βαρλαὰμ 562 αὐτῷ δεδώκει. τῇ δὲ νυκτὶ ἐκείνῃ εἰς οἰκίσκον πένητός τινος καταντήσας, τὰ περικείμενα αὐτῷ ἄμφια ἐκβαλών, τελευταίαν ταύτην εὐποιΐαν τῷ πένητι δίδωσι· καὶ οὕτω ταῖς ἐκείνου τε καὶ πολλῶν ἑτέρων πενήτων εὐχαῖς ἐπίκουρον ἑαυτοῦ τὸν Θεὸν θέμενος, καὶ τὴν αὐτοῦ χάριν καὶ βοήθειαν ὡς ἱμάτιον σωτηρίου καὶ χιτῶνα εὐφροσύνης ἑαυτῷ περιβαλλόμενος, ἐπὶ τὸν ἐρημικὸν ἐξῆλθε βίον, μὴ ἄρτον ἐπιφερόμενος, μὴ ὕδωρ, μηδ' ἄλλο τι τῶν πρὸς τροφὴν ἐπιτηδείων, μὴ ἱμάτιον ἐνδεδυμένος, ἀλλ' ἢ τὸ σκληρὸν ἐκεῖνο ῥάκος μόνον, οὗπερ πρὸ μικροῦ ἐμνήσθημεν. πόθῳ γάρ τινι ὑπερφυεῖ καὶ ἔρωτι θείῳ τρωθεὶς τὴν ψυχὴν τοῦ ἀθανάτου βασιλέως Χριστοῦ, ὅλως ἦν τοῦ ποθουμένου ἐξεστηκώς, ὅλως ἠλλοιωμένος Θεῷ, κάτοχος τῇ τούτου ἀγάπῃ· Κραταιὰ γάρ, φησίν, ὡς πῦρ ἀγάπη· τοιαύτην αὐτὸς ἀπὸ τῆς θείας ἀγάπης ἐδέξατο μέθην, καὶ οὕτως ἐξεκαύθη τῷ δίψει, κατὰ τὸν εἰπόντα· Ὃν τρόπον ἐπιποθεῖ ἡ ἔλαφος ἐπὶ τὰς πηγὰς τῶν ὑδάτων, οὕτως ἐπιποθεῖ ἡ ψυχή μου πρὸς σέ, ὁ Θεός· ἐδίψησεν ἡ ψυχή μου πρὸς τὸν Θεὸν τὸν ἰσχυρόν, τὸν ζῶντα· καὶ καθὼς ἡ τετρωμένη τῆς τοιαύτης ἀγάπης ψυχὴ βοᾷ ἐν τῷ Ἄισματι τῶν ᾀσμάτων· Ἐκαρδίωσας ἡμᾶς τῷ πόθῳ σου, ἐκαρδίωσας ἡμᾶς· καί· ∆εῖξόν μοι τὴν ὄψιν σου, καὶ ἀκούτισόν μοι τὴν φωνήν σου· ἡ γὰρ φωνή σου φωνὴ ἡδεῖα καὶ ἡ ὄψις σου ὡραία. Ταύτης τῆς ἀνεκλαλήτου ὡραιότητος Χριστοῦ τὸν πόθον ἐν καρδίᾳ δεξάμενος ὁ τῶν ἀποστόλων χορὸς καὶ τῶν μαρτύρων οἱ δῆμοι πάντων ὑπερεῖδον τῶν ὁρωμένων, πάσης δὲ ζωῆς τῆς προσκαίρου, 564 καὶ τὰ μυρία τῶν βασάνων καὶ θανάτων εἴδη προείλοντο, ἐρασθέντες τοῦ θείου κάλλους καὶ τὸ περὶ ἡμᾶς τοῦ θείου Λόγου λογισάμενοι φίλτρον. τοῦτο τὸ πῦρ καὶ ὁ καλὸς οὗτος καὶ εὐγενὴς μὲν τῷ σώματι, εὐγενέστατος δὲ μᾶλλον καὶ βασιλικώτατος τὴν ψυχήν, ἐν ἑαυτῷ δεξάμενος, πάντων ὁμοῦ τῶν γηΐνων καταφρονεῖ, πατεῖ πάσας τὰς τοῦ σώματος ἡδονάς, ὑπερορᾷ πλούτου καὶ δόξης καὶ τῆς παρὰ ἀνθρώπων τιμῆς, ἀποτίθεται διάδημα καὶ ἁλουργίδα, τῶν ἀραχνίων ὑφασμάτων εὐτελέστερα ταῦτα λογισάμενος, πρὸς πάντα δὲ τὰ ἐπίπονα καὶ λυπηρὰ τοῦ ἀσκητικοῦ βίου προθύμως ἑαυτὸν ἐκδίδωσιν, Ἐκολλήθη, βοῶν, ὦ Χριστέ μου, ἐκολλήθη ἡ ψυχή μου ὀπίσω σου· ἐμοῦ δὲ ἀντελάβετο ἡ δεξιά σου. Καὶ οὕτως ἀμεταστρεπτὶ χωρήσας εἰς τὸ τῆς ἐρήμου βάθος, καὶ ὡς ἄχθος τι καὶ κλοιὸν βαρύτατον ἀποθέμενος τῶν προσκαίρων τὴν σύγχυσιν, εὐφράνθη τῷ πνεύματι, καὶ τῷ ποθουμένῳ ἀτενίσας Χριστῷ, ἐβόα πρὸς αὐτόν, ὡς παρόντι καὶ τῆς φωνῆς ἐπαΐοντι διαλεγόμενος· Μὴ τὰ ἀγαθά, φησί, τοῦ κόσμου τούτου ἴδοι ὁ ὀφθαλμός μου ἔτι, Κύριε· μὴ μετεωρισθείην ἀπὸ τῆς δεῦρο τὸν νοῦν ὑπὸ τῆς παρούσης ματαιότητος· ἀλλ' ἔμπλησον τοὺς ὀφθαλμούς μου, Κύριε, δακρύων πνευματικῶν καὶ κατεύθυνον τὰ διαβήματά μου, καὶ ὑπόδειξόν μοι τὸν σὸν θεράποντα Βαρλαάμ. ὑπόδειξόν μοι τὸν ἐμοὶ σωτηρίας γενόμενον πρόξενον, ἵνα καὶ τοῦ ἐρημικοῦ βίου τούτου καὶ ἀσκητικοῦ δι' αὐτοῦ τὴν ἀκρίβειαν μάθοιμι καὶ μὴ τῇ ἀπειρίᾳ τῶν πολέμων τοῦ ἐχθροῦ ὑποσκελισθῶ. δός μοι, Κύριε, τὴν ὁδὸν εὑρεῖν δι' ἧς ἐπιτύχω σου, ὅτι 566 τέτρωται ἡ ψυχή μου τῷ πόθῳ σου, καὶ σὲ διψῶ τὴν πηγὴν τῆς σωτηρίας.