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Discourse 23. (302)

Concerning repentance and the fear of God. And what a struggle of soul and pain of heart he has who repents with a contrite spirit. And what are the things he says and prays to the man-loving Lord.

Hear my words, my last sons, my beloved, my cherished ones,

hear me, if you truly long for me and seek me as a father. What man, struck in his heart with poison and aching and cut to pieces inwardly by a severe pain, will care for small wounds on the skin of his body or give thought to them? For the hidden pain in his heart will cover every pain or itch that occurs on the skin of his body, and from the anguish of his heart he is not allowed to look up and see the things upon his body, but by the unbearable pain and agony of his heart he forgets the wounds on his body, and he will tear his clothes with his hands and with his fingernails he will scratch the wounds of his body. And he will forget his parents and friends (303) and will not look any man in the eye, nor will he turn with a stern face toward a man who curses him. He will not care for his possessions or affairs; he will leave his wealth to be plundered by those who wish. He will not eat bread with pleasure, for he is filled with bitterness. He will not drink wine with pleasure, for pain is satiety to him. To those who call him to a drinking supper he will answer with great anger: "Depart from me, for death is crushing my heart, and what do I know if it might take it now? For to live in this life has become hateful to me, because this life is death, and I did not know it". He will not get into his bed of coverings, but will be rolling and writhing on the ground, crying out loudly and lamenting, taking no thought for those who see him behaving unseemly or for those who hear his cry and revile him. His eyes will be veins, pouring forth water of a spring rather than providing sight. That man will count every man blessed as an angel, both those who are and those who have passed and those who have not yet known the world, and every beast and every reptile creeping on the earth and everything that has the breath of life he will count blessed, saying: "How blessed are all the things made by God, living without pain in the joy of their soul and life, while I alone am weighed down by a burden of sins and am judged by the fire of judgment and suffer pain alone upon the earth!". He will consider every soul as one and will revere it as holy to the Lord, and as one who is unclean he will be in awe of all. He will not distinguish the just from the unjust, but will hold everyone as equal, (304) both the clean and the unclean. He alone is separated from all creation under heaven, and he sits on a dunghill of untold sins and is enveloped in a darkness of ignorance and grief that has no end. And he will scrape off the discharge from his wounds not with a potsherd like Job, but with the nails of his hands because of the violence of the pain of his heart; for Job, though struck in the flesh, had his soul protected by God, but this one has had his soul, along with his body, poisoned by sins, and for this reason the pain of that man is ten times worse than the affliction of Job. And after these things his kinsmen according to the flesh and all his acquaintances and friends in the world will abandon him; for having followed him for a short while and wept with him, and seeing his inconsolable affliction and the uncomforted state of his soul, considering him an abomination, each will withdraw to his own affairs, and being left alone and that which surrounds him

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Λόγος ΚΓ΄. (302)

Περί μετανοίας καί φόβου Θεοῦ. Καί ὁποῖον ἀγῶνα ἔχει ψυχῆς καί πόνον καρδίας ὁ μετά συντετριμμένου τοῦ πνεύματος μετανοῶν. Καί τίνα εἰσίν ἅ λέγει καί πρός τόν φιλάνθρωπον Κύριον εὔχεται.

Ἀκούσατέ μου τῶν λόγων, υἱοί μου ἔσχατοι, ἀγαπητοί μου, περιποίητοί μου,

ἀκούσατέ μου, εἰ ἀληθῶς ὡς πατέρα ποθεῖτέ με καί ζητεῖτέ με. Ποῖος τῶν ἀνθρώπων, φαρμάκῳ πληγείς τήν καρδίαν αὐτοῦ καί ἀλγῶν καί κοπτόμενος πόνῳ σφοδρῷ τά ἐντός αὐτοῦ, τραυμάτων μικρῶν δέρματος σώματος αὐτοῦ φροντίσει ἤ μελετήσει αὐτῷ περί τούτων; Ὁ γάρ ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ αὐτοῦ κρυπτός πόνος καλύψει πάντα πόνον ἤ κνησμονήν, γινομένην ἐπί δερματίδα σώματος αὐτοῦ, καί ἐκ συνοχῆς τῆς καρδίας αὐτοῦ οὐκ ἀφίεται διαβλέψαι καί ἰδεῖν τά ἐπί τῷ σώματι αὐτοῦ, ἀλλά πόνῳ καί ὀδύνῃ ἀφορήτῳ τῆς καρδίας αὐτοῦ ἐπιλανθάνεται τῶν πληγῶν, τῶν ἐν τῷ σώματι αὐτοῦ, καί τά ἱμάτια αὐτοῦ ταῖς χερσίν αὐτοῦ διαρρήξει καί τοῖς ὄνυξιν αὐτοῦ τῶν χειρῶν τά τραύματα τοῦ σώματος αὐτοῦ ἐπιξάνῃ. Ἐπιλάθηται δέ καί γονέων καί φίλων αὐτοῦ (303) καί ἐπί πάντα ἄνθρωπον οὐκ ἀτενίσει τοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς, οὐδέ ἐπιστραφήσεται αὐστηρῷ τῷ προσώπῳ ἐπί ἄνθρωπον καταρώμενον αὐτόν. Οὐ φροντίσει κτημάτων ἤ πραγμάτων αὐτοῦ, καταλείψει τόν πλοῦτον αὐτοῦ εἰς διαρπαγήν τοῖς βουλομένοις. Ἄρτον ἡδέως οὐ φάγεται, ἐμπέπλησται γάρ πικρίας. Οἶνον ἡδέως οὐ πίεται, πόνος γάρ ἐστιν εἰς κόρον αὐτῷ. Τοῖς καλοῦσιν εἰς δεῖπνον πότου μετ᾿ ὀργῆς μεγάλης ἀποκριθήσεται· "Ἀπόστητε ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ, θάνατος γάρ συντρίβει μου τήν καρδίαν, καί τί οἶδα εἰ ἄρτι λάβῃ αὐτήν; Ζῆν γάρ ἐν βίῳ μισητόν μοι γέγονεν, ὅτι ἡ ζωή αὕτη θάνατος, ἐγώ δέ οὐκ ᾔδειν ". Ἐπί κλίνην στρωμνῆς αὐτοῦ οὐκ ἀναβήσεται, ἀλλ᾿ ἔσται κυλινδούμενος καί ἀσπαίρων ἐπί τῆς γῆς, κράζων μεγάλα καί ὀδυρόμενος, φροντίδα μηδεμίαν ποιούμενος τῶν ὁρώντων αὐτόν ἀσχημονοῦντα ἤ τῶν ἀκουόντων τῆς κραυγῆς αὐτοῦ καί καταλοιδορούντων αὐτόν. Ἔσονται οἱ ὀφθαλμοί αὐτοῦ φλέβες, πηγῆς ὕδωρ μᾶλλον προχέοντες ἤ προφέροντες τό ὁρᾷν. Πάντα ἄνθρωπον ὡς ἄγγελον μακαρίσει ὁ ἄνθρωπος ἐκεῖνος, καί τούς ὄντας καί τούς παρελθόντας καί τούς μήπω τόν κόσμον γνωρίσαντας, καί πᾶν κτῆνος καί πᾶν ἑρπετόν ἕρπον ἐπί τῆς γῆς καί πᾶν ὅ ἔχει πνεῦμα ζωῆς μακαρίσει λέγων· "Ὡς εὐλογημένα πάντα τά ὑπό τοῦ Θεοῦ ποιηθέντα, ἐν χαρᾷ ψυχῆς καί ζωῆς αὐτῶν ἀπόνως διάγοντα, ἐγώ δέ μόνος φορτίῳ βαροῦμαι ἁμαρτημάτων καί πυρί κρίσεως κρίνομαι καί ὀδυνῶμαι μόνος ἐπί τῆς γῆς! ". Πᾶσαν ψυχήν μίαν λογίσεται καί ὡς ἁγίαν τῷ κυρίῳ σεβασθήσεται καί ὡς ἀκάθαρτος εὐλαβηθήσεται ἀπό πάντων. ∆ίκαιον ἀπό ἀδίκου οὐ διακρινεῖ, ἀλλ᾿ ἕξει τούς πάντας ἴσον, (304) καθαρούς τε καί ἀκαθάρτους. Οὗτος μόνος χωρίζεται ἀπό πάσης τῆς κτίσεως τῆς ὑπό τόν οὐρανόν, καί ἐπί κοπρίας ἀμυθήτων κάθηται ἁμαρτιῶν καί σκότει ἀγνοίας καί λύπης περιέχεται, τέλος οὐκ ἔχοντι. Τόν δέ ἰχῶρα τῶν τραυμάτων αὐτοῦ ἀποξέσει οὐ μετά ὀστράκου ὡς ὁ Ἰώβ, ἀλλά τοῖς ὄνυξι τῶν χειρῶν αὐτοῦ διά τήν βίαν τοῦ πόνου τῆς καρδίας αὐτοῦ· Ἰώβ γάρ τήν σάρκα πληγείς εἶχε τήν ψυχήν ὑπό Θεοῦ σκεπομένην, οὗτος δέ τήν ψυχήν σύν τῷ σώματι ὑπό ἁμαρτιῶν ἔσχε πεφαρμαγμένην, καί διά τοῦτο χείρων ἡ ὀδύνη τοῦ ἀνθρώπου ἐκείνου δεκαπλασίως ὑπέρ τήν πληγήν τοῦ Ἰώβ. Μετά ταῦτα δέ καταλείψουσιν αὐτόν συγγενεῖς κατά σάρκα καί πάντες γνωστοί καί φίλοι αὐτοῦ οἱ ἐν κόσμῳ· μικρόν γάρ συνακολουθήσαντες αὐτῷ καί συνδακρύσαντες τήν ἀπαρηγόρητον θλῖψιν αὐτοῦ καί τό ἀπαράκλητον τῆς ψυχῆς αὐτοῦ θεωρήσαντες, ὡς βδέλυγμα ἡγησάμενοι, εἰς τά ἴδια ὑποχωρήσουσιν ἕκαστος, καί μόνος καταλειφθείς καί τήν περιέχουσαν αὐτόν