113
and I sing hymns and prayers, which the men of old, having received Your Holy Spirit, set down in writing, and saying these things and thinking I have done something great, I am insensible and ignorant, that just as children who are learning do not know the power of the words, so I too, persevering in prayers and psalms and hymns and praising You, the only compassionate one, do not receive a perception of Your glory and light, and just as the heretics, who learned many things, (208) thought they knew You, they thought they recognized You, they, the all-wretched, thought they even saw You, my God, so I too, speaking many prayers and many psalms with my tongue only, and perhaps also with my heart, from these things I think I have the height of faith, from these things I suppose I have grasped the full knowledge of the truth and need nothing more; from these things also to see You, the light of the world, Savior, from these things I say I both possess You and that You are with me, and I think I partake of Your divine nature, and I invent parables against myself and, investigating, I bring forth words from Scripture and say: The Lord said that those who eat His flesh and those who drink His blood remain in Him, but also that He, the Master, dwells in them. Saying this, therefore, I proclaim the ungraspable as graspable, that the ungraspable exists in the graspable body, and the one who cannot be held in any way as held and visible. And I am ignorant, unfortunate one that I am, that in whomever You wish, in the perceptible and held and visible You exist, perceptible and held and visible, O Creator. But in the impure, such as I am, and the unworthy, You rather deify Your perceptible body and blood and make it completely unable to be held, and unchangeably change it to be altogether ungraspable, or rather in truth You remake it spiritual, invisible, just as of old, when the doors were shut, You entered and went out and became invisible from the eyes of the disciples at the breaking of the bread, so also now You perfect the bread and make it Your spiritual body. (209) And I think I possess You, whether You will it or not, and I think I partake of Your flesh and receive You, and I am disposed as a holy one, my Christ, and an heir of God and Your co-heir and brother and a partaker of eternal glory. From this, then, I am shown to be completely insensible, from this it appears I am altogether ignorant of what I chant, and what I speak, and what I always study and sing. For if I knew at all, I would have known altogether that You unchangeably became man, my God,
113
καί ὕμνους ᾄδω καί εὐχάς, ἅς ἐγγράφως οἱ πάλαι τό Πνεῦμά σου τό Ἅγιον ἐξέθεντο λαβόντες, καί λέγων ταῦτα καί δοκῶν μέγα τι πεπραχέναι ἀναισθητῶ καί ἀγνοῶ, ὅτι ὥσπερ οἱ παῖδες μανθάνοντες οὐκ ἴσασι τήν δύναμιν τῶν λόγων, οὕτως κἀγώ ταῖς προσευχαῖς καί ψαλμοῖς τε καί ὕμνοις ἐγκαρτερῶν καί ἀνυμνῶν σέ τόν εὔσπλαγχνον μόνον, τῆς σῆς δόξης καί τοῦ φωτός αἴσθησιν οὐ λαμβάνω, καί ὥσπερ οἱ αἱρετικοί, οἱ πολλά ἐκμαθόντες, (208) ἐδόκουν τοῦ εἰδέναι σε, ἐδόκουν σέ γινώσκειν, ἐδόκουν οἱ πανάθλιοι καί βλέπειν σε, Θεέ μου, οὕτω κἀγώ πολλάς εὐχάς καί πολλάς ψαλμῳδίας λαλῶν ἐν μόνῃ γλώσσῃ μου, ἴσως δέ καί καρδίᾳ, ἐκ τούτων τό τῆς πίστεως ἄκρον ἔχειν νομίζω, ἐκ τούτων τήν ἐπίγνωσιν πᾶσαν τῆς ἀληθείας οἴομαι τό καταλαβεῖν καί μηδέν πλέον χρῄζειν˙ ἐκ τούτων κάί τό βλέπειν σε, τό φῶς τοῦ κόσμου, Σῶτερ, ἐκ τούτων καί κατέχειν σε καί συνεῖναί μοι λέγω καί συμμετέχειν φύσεως τῆς θείας σου νομίζω, καί κατ᾿ ἐμοῦ παραβολάς ἐφευρίσκω καί λόγους ἀνερευνῶν ἐκ τῆς γραφῆς προβάλλομαι καί λέγω˙ Ὁ Κύριος τούς τρώγοντας εἶπεν αὐτοῦ τήν σάρκα καί τούς τό αἷμα πίνοντας ἐν αὐτῷ καταμένειν, ἀλλά καί κατοικεῖν αὐτός ἐν αὐτοῖς ὁ ∆εσπότης. Τοῦτο οὖν λέγων ὡς ληπτόν τόν ἄληπτον κηρύττω, ἐν τῷ ληπτῷ τοῦ σώματος τόν ἄληπτον ὑπάρχειν, καί κρατητόν καί ὁρατόν τόν ἀκράτητον πάντῃ. Καί ἀγνοῶ, ὁ δυστυχής, ὅτι ἐν οἷς ἄν θέλῃς, τῷ αἰσθητῷ καί κρατητῷ καί ὁρατῷ ὑπάρχεις, αἰσθητός τε καί κρατητός καί ὁρατός, ὁ κτίστης. Ἐν ἀκαθάρτοις δ᾿ ὡς ἐγώ καί ἀναξίοις μᾶλλον θεοποιεῖς τό αἰσθητόν σῶμα σοῦ τε καί αἷμα καί παντελῶς ἀκράτητον, ἄληπτόν τε εἰς ἅπαν ἀναλλοιώτως ἀλοιοῖς, μᾶλλον δ᾿ ἐν ἀληθείᾳ πνευματικόν μεταποιεῖς, ἀόρατον, ὡς πάλαι συγκεκλεισμένων τῶν θυρῶν εἰσῆλθες καί ἐξῆλθες καί ἄφαντος ἐξ ὀφθαλμῶν ἐν τῇ κλάσει τοῦ ἄρτου ἐγένου σύ τῶν μαθητῶν, οὕτω καί νῦν τόν ἄρτον ἀποτελεῖς καί σῶμα σου πνευματικόν ἐργάζῃ. (209) Κἀγώ δοκῶ κατέχειν σε, κἄν θέλῃς, κἄν μή θέλῃς, καί κοινωνῶν τῆς σῆς σαρκός καί σοῦ μεταλαμβάνειν νομίζω καί διάκειμαι ὡς ἅγιος, Χριστέ μου, καί κληρονόμος τοῦ Θεοῦ καί σός συγκληρονόμος καί ἀδελφός καί μέτοχος δόξης τῆς αἰωνίου. Ἐκ τούτου τοίνυν δείκνυμαι ἀναισθητῶν εἰς ἅπαν, ἐκ τούτου πάντως φαίνεται ἀγνοεῖν με, ἅ ψάλλω, καί ἅ λαλῶ καί ἅ ἀεί μελετῶ τε καί ᾅδω. Εἰ γάρ ὅλως ἐγίνωσκον, εἶχον πάντως εἰδέναι, ὅτι ἀτρέπτως ἄνθρωπος ἐγένου, ὁ Θεός μου,