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and deeds, as I was proceeding in an unrestrained and unremitting course, I was deemed worthy to see again a small and slight ray, somehow dimly, of that sweetest and divine light, but such a vision as I saw then, I have not yet been deemed worthy to behold until now."
He spoke these things to me, then, weeping, and many other things besides. But I, wretched one, having listened to his holy words and having considered that he was entirely full of divine grace and a true wise man, even if he did not possess the discourse of worldly wisdom, and not only that, but also that he possessed precise knowledge of the things themselves from practical experience, I asked him to tell me how faith is naturally able to work such wonders, and to set these things out for me in writing in the manner of a teaching. And he began to speak and did not hesitate to write down what was said, (301) which, so that we might not prolong the discourse, we have arranged elsewhere as a table of gladness for those who approach what is written with faith.
For this reason I beseech you, brothers in Christ, let us also run with toil the race of the commandments of Christ, and our faces shall not be ashamed. But just as to everyone who knocks persistently he opens the gates of his kingdom and gives to the one who asks a right and all-holy Spirit, and it is not possible for one who seeks with his whole soul not to find and be rich with the wealth of his gifts, so you also will delight in his ineffable good things, which he has prepared for those who love him, now in part and with the higher wisdom, but in the age to come completely with all the saints from the beginning of time in Christ Jesus our Lord, to whom be the glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Concerning repentance and the fear of God. And what kind of struggle of soul and pain of heart one has who repents with a contrite spirit. And what things he says and prays to the merciful Lord.
Discourse 23. (302) Hear my words, my last-born sons, my beloved, my possession,
hear me, if you truly long for me and seek me as a father. Which of men, having been struck in his heart with poison and aching and being cut by a fierce pain within him, will care for small wounds of the skin of his body or be concerned about them? For the hidden pain in his heart will cover every pain or itch that occurs on the skin of his body, and from the distress of his heart he is not permitted to look and see the things on his body, but by the unbearable pain and agony of his heart he forgets the wounds that are in his body, and he will tear his garments with his hands and with the nails of his hands he will scratch the wounds of his body. And he will forget his parents and friends (303) and will not look upon any man with his eyes, nor will he turn with a stern face toward a man who curses him. He will not care for his possessions or his affairs; he will leave his wealth to be plundered by those who wish. He will not eat bread with pleasure, for he is filled with bitterness. He will not drink wine with pleasure, for pain is a surfeit to him. To those who call him to a drinking supper he will answer with great anger: "Depart from me, for death is crushing my heart, and what do I know if it might take it just now? For to live in this life has become hateful to me, because this life is death, and I did not know it." On
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καί πράξεσιν, ἀκατασχέτῳ καί ἀνενδότῳ δρόμῳ πορευομένυ μου, μικράν μέν καί ὀλίγην ἀμυδρῶς πως ἀκτῖνα τοῦ γλυκυτάτου καί θείου ἐκείνου φωτός ἰδεῖν καί αὖθις ἠξίωμαι, τοιαύτην δέ θεωρίαν, οἶα τότε ἑώρακα, οὐδέπω μέχρι τοῦ νῦν ἠξιώθην θεάσασθαι".
Ταῦτα οὖν δακρύων ἐλάλει μοι καί τούτων ἕτερα πλείονα. Ἐγώ δέ ὁ ταλαίπωρος τῶν ἁγίων ἐκείνου ῥημάτων ἐπακροασάμενος καί ὅλον ὄντα τῆς θείας ἔμπλεων χάριτος στοχασάμενος καί ἀληθῆ σοφόν, εἰ καί μή λόγον εἶχε σοφίας τῆς ἔξωθεν, οὐ μόνον δέ, ἀλλά καί τῶν πραγμάτων αὐτῶν ἀκριβῆ κεκτημένον τήν εἴδησιν ἐκ πρακτικῆς γνώσεως, εἰπεῖν μοι αὐτόν παρεκάλεσα πῶς τοιαῦτα ἡ πίστις ἐνεργεῖν θαυμάσια πέφυκε, καί διδασκαλίας τρόπῳ ἐγγράφως ταῦτα ἐκθέσασθαί μοι. Ὁ δέ καί λέγειν ἀπήρξατο καί τά λεγόμενα γράφειν οὐκ ὤκνησεν, (301) ἅ καί, ἵνα μή τόν λόγον μηκύνωμεν, ἐν ἄλλοις ἀνεταξάμεθα εἰς τράπεζαν εὐφροσύνης, τοῖς μετά πίστεως τῶν γεγραμμένων ἐπιβατεύουσι.
∆ιά τοῦτο παρακαλῶ ὑμᾶς, ἐν Χριστῷ ἀδελφοί, δράμωμεν ἐμπόνως καί ἡμεῖς τόν δρόμον τῶν ἐντολῶν τοῦ Χριστοῦ, καί τά πρόσωπα ἡμῶν οὐ μή καταισχυνθῇ. Ἀλλ᾿ ὥσπερ παντί τῷ κρούοντι ἐπιμόνως ἀνοίγει τάς πύλας τῆς βασιλείας αὐτοῦ καί δίδωσι τῷ αἰτοῦντι Πνεῦμα εὐθές καί πανάγιον, καί οὐκ ἔστι τόν ὁλοψύχως ζητοῦντα μή εὑρεῖν καί πλουτῆσαι τόν πλοῦτον τῶν χαρισμάτων αὐτοῦ, οὕτω καί ὑμεῖς ἐντρυφήσετε τῶν ἀπορρήτων αὐτοῦ ἀγαθῶν, ὧν ἡτοίμασε τοῖς ἀγαπῶσιν αὐτόν, νῦν μέν ἐκ μέρους καί μετά σοφίας τῆς κρείττονος, ἐν δέ τῷ αἰῶνι τῷ μέλλοντι ὁλοκλήρως μετά πάντων τῶν ἀπ᾿ αἰῶνος ἁγίων ἐν Χριστῷ Ἰησοῦ τῷ Κυρίῳ ἡμῶν, ᾧ ἡ δόξα εἰς τούς αἰῶνας τῶν αἰώνων. Ἀμήν.
Περί μετανοίας καί φόβου Θεοῦ. Καί ὁποῖον ἀγῶνα ἔχει ψυχῆς καί πόνον καρδίας ὁ μετά συντετριμμένου τοῦ πνεύματος μετανοῶν. Καί τίνα εἰσίν ἅ λέγει καί πρός τόν φιλάνθρωπον Κύριον εὔχεται.
Λόγος ΚΓ΄. (302) Ἀκούσατέ μου τῶν λόγων, υἱοί μου ἔσχατοι, ἀγαπητοί μου, περιποίητοί μου,
ἀκούσατέ μου, εἰ ἀληθῶς ὡς πατέρα ποθεῖτέ με καί ζητεῖτέ με. Ποῖος τῶν ἀνθρώπων, φαρμάκῳ πληγείς τήν καρδίαν αὐτοῦ καί ἀλγῶν καί κοπτόμενος πόνῳ σφοδρῷ τά ἐντός αὐτοῦ, τραυμάτων μικρῶν δέρματος σώματος αὐτοῦ φροντίσει ἤ μελετήσει αὐτῷ περί τούτων; Ὁ γάρ ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ αὐτοῦ κρυπτός πόνος καλύψει πάντα πόνον ἤ κνησμονήν, γινομένην ἐπί δερματίδα σώματος αὐτοῦ, καί ἐκ συνοχῆς τῆς καρδίας αὐτοῦ οὐκ ἀφίεται διαβλέψαι καί ἰδεῖν τά ἐπί τῷ σώματι αὐτοῦ, ἀλλά πόνῳ καί ὀδύνῃ ἀφορήτῳ τῆς καρδίας αὐτοῦ ἐπιλανθάνεται τῶν πληγῶν, τῶν ἐν τῷ σώματι αὐτοῦ, καί τά ἱμάτια αὐτοῦ ταῖς χερσίν αὐτοῦ διαρρήξει καί τοῖς ὄνυξιν αὐτοῦ τῶν χειρῶν τά τραύματα τοῦ σώματος αὐτοῦ ἐπιξάνῃ. Ἐπιλάθηται δέ καί γονέων καί φίλων αὐτοῦ (303) καί ἐπί πάντα ἄνθρωπον οὐκ ἀτενίσει τοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς, οὐδέ ἐπιστραφήσεται αὐστηρῷ τῷ προσώπῳ ἐπί ἄνθρωπον καταρώμενον αὐτόν. Οὐ φροντίσει κτημάτων ἤ πραγμάτων αὐτοῦ, καταλείψει τόν πλοῦτον αὐτοῦ εἰς διαρπαγήν τοῖς βουλομένοις. Ἄρτον ἡδέως οὐ φάγεται, ἐμπέπλησται γάρ πικρίας. Οἶνον ἡδέως οὐ πίεται, πόνος γάρ ἐστιν εἰς κόρον αὐτῷ. Τοῖς καλοῦσιν εἰς δεῖπνον πότου μετ᾿ ὀργῆς μεγάλης ἀποκριθήσεται· "Ἀπόστητε ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ, θάνατος γάρ συντρίβει μου τήν καρδίαν, καί τί οἶδα εἰ ἄρτι λάβῃ αὐτήν; Ζῆν γάρ ἐν βίῳ μισητόν μοι γέγονεν, ὅτι ἡ ζωή αὕτη θάνατος, ἐγώ δέ οὐκ ᾔδειν ". Ἐπί