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130

and I reckon that I possess no love of God at all. But seeking insatiably to love as much as I want, I also lose the love of God that I had, O wonder! Just as one who has a treasure and happens to be a lover of money, because he does not have everything, seems to have nothing at all, even if he has much gold, so indeed I, wretched one, seem to suffer in this, that because I do not long as I want, nor as much as I absolutely want, I seem not to long at all. (236) Therefore, to long as much as I want is a longing beyond longing, and I force my nature to love beyond nature; but nature, being weak, is deprived even of the strength it possesses, and love, being alive, is then paradoxically slain all the more; for it lives in me and flourishes. How can I tell you that it flourishes? I am at a loss for examples. But this alone I will tell you, that everyone is unable to express such things in words. May the only God, being also the one who truly provides such good things, grant to all who seek such things in repentance, to those who mourn and lament and are well purified, to enjoy such things, becoming partakers of them from here in perception, and to depart with them and to rest in them and to enjoy eternal life and to be found through them partakers of the ineffable glory! Amen.

130

καί λογίζομαι μηδ᾿ ὅλως ἔρωτα Θεοῦ κεκτῆσθαι. Ἐκζητῶν δέ ἀκορέστως τοῦ ἐρᾶν με, ὅσον θέλω, προσαπόλλω καί ὅν εἶχον ἔρωτα θεοῦ, ὤ θαῦμα! Ὥσπερ θησαυρόν ὁ ἔχων καί φιλάργυρος τυγχάνων, ὅτι μή τά πάντα ἔχει, οὐ δοκεῖ τι ὅλως ἔχειν, κἄν πολύ χρυσίον ἔχῃ, οὕτω δή δοκῶ πανθάνειν ὁ ταλαίπωρος ἐν τούτῳ, ὅτι μή ποθῶ, ὡς θέλω, μηδέ ὅσον πάντως θέλω, οὐ δοκῶ ποθεῖν κἄν ὅλως. (236) Τό ποθεῖν οὖν ὅσον θέλω ὑπέρ πόθον πόθος ἔστι, καί βιάζω μου τήν φύσιν, ὑπέρ φύσιν ἀγαπῆσαι˙ ἀσθενοῦσα δέ ἡ φύσις καί αὐτῆς ἀποστερεῖται ἧσπερ κέκτηται ἰσχύος, καί νεκροῦται παραδόξως ζῶν ὁ ἔρως τότε μᾶλλον˙ ζῇ γάρ ἐν ἐμοί καί θάλλει. Πῶς σοι εἴπω, ὅτι θάλλει; Ἀπορῶ παραδειγμάτων. Τοῦτο μόνον δέ σοι φράσω, ὅτι λόγῳ τά τοιάδε πᾶς ἀδυνατεῖ ἐκφράζειν. ∆ῴη ἅπασιν ὁ μόνος Θεός ὤν καί τῶν τοιούτων, ἀγαθῶν ὑπάρχων ὄντως παροχεύς τοῖς ἐκζητοῦσι μετανοίᾳ τά τοιαῦτα, τοῖς πενθοῦσι καί θρηνοῦσι καί καλῶς καθαιρομένοις ἀπολαῦσαι τῶν τοιούτων, ἐν μεθέξει γενομένοις ἀπ᾿ ἐντεῦθεν ἐν αἰσθήσει καί συνεκδημῆσαι τούτοις καί ἐν τούτοις καταπαῦσαι καί ζωῆς ἐπαπολαῦσαι αἰωνίου καί τῆς δόξης κοινωνούς τῆς ἀπορρήτου διά τούτων εὑρεθῆναι! Ἄμήν.