Chapter IX.—He Describes the Praiseworthy Habits of His Mother; Her Kindness Towards Her Husband and Her Sons.

19. Being thus modestly and soberly trained, and rather made subject by Thee to her parents, than by her parents to Thee, when she had arrived at a marriageable age, she was given to a husband whom she served as her lord. And she busied herself to gain him to Thee, preaching Thee unto him by her behaviour; by which Thou madest her fair, and reverently amiable, and admirable unto her husband. For she so bore the wronging of her bed as never to have any dissension with her husband on account of it. For she waited for Thy mercy upon him, that by believing in Thee he might become chaste. And besides this, as he was earnest in friendship, so was he violent in anger; but she had learned that an angry husband should not be resisted, neither in deed, nor even in word. But so soon as he was grown calm and tranquil, and she saw a fitting moment, she would give him a reason for her conduct, should he have been excited without cause. In short, while many matrons, whose husbands were more gentle, carried the marks of blows on their dishonoured faces, and would in private conversation blame the lives of their husbands, she would blame their tongues, monishing them gravely, as if in jest: “That from the hour they heard what are called the matrimonial tablets649    That is, not only from the time of actual marriage, but from the time of betrothal, when the contract was written upon tablets (see note 10, p. 133), and signed by the contracting parties. The future wife was then called sponsa sperata or pacta. Augustin alludes to this above (vii. sec. 7), when he says, “It is also the custom that the affianced bride (pactæ sponsæ) should not immediately be given up, that the husband may not less esteem her whom, as betrothed, he longed not for” (non suspiraverit sponsus). It should be remembered, in reading this section, that women amongst the Romans were not confined after the Eastern fashion of the Greeks to separate apartments, but had charge of the domestic arrangements and the training of the children. read to them, they should think of them as instruments whereby they were made servants; so, being always mindful of their condition, they ought not to set themselves in opposition to their lords.” And when they, knowing what a furious husband she endured, marvelled that it had never been reported, nor appeared by any indication, that Patricius had beaten his wife, or that there had been any domestic strife between them, even for a day, and asked her in confidence the reason of this, she taught them her rule, which I have mentioned above. They who observed it experienced the wisdom of it, and rejoiced; those who observed it not were kept in subjection, and suffered.

20. Her mother-in-law, also, being at first prejudiced against her by the whisperings of evil-disposed servants, she so conquered by submission, persevering in it with patience and meekness, that she voluntarily disclosed to her son the tongues of the meddling servants, whereby the domestic peace between herself and her daughter-in-law had been agitated, begging him to punish them for it. When, therefore, he had—in conformity with his mother’s wish, and with a view to the discipline of his family, and to ensure the future harmony of its members—corrected with stripes those discovered, according to the will of her who had discovered them, she promised a similar reward to any who, to please her, should say anything evil to her of her daughter-in-law. And, none now daring to do so, they lived together with a wonderful sweetness of mutual good-will.

21. This great gift Thou bestowedst also, my God, my mercy, upon that good handmaid of Thine, out of whose womb Thou createdst me, even that, whenever she could, she showed herself such a peacemaker between any differing and discordant spirits, that when she had heard on both sides most bitter things, such as swelling and undigested discord is wont to give vent to, when the crudities of enmities are breathed out in bitter speeches to a present friend against an absent enemy, she would disclose nothing about the one unto the other, save what might avail to their reconcilement. A small good this might seem to me, did I not know to my sorrow countless persons, who, through some horrible and far-spreading infection of sin, not only disclose to enemies mutually enraged the things said in passion against each other, but add some things that were never spoken at all; whereas, to a generous man, it ought to seem a small thing not to incite or increase the enmities of men by ill-speaking, unless he endeavour likewise by kind words to extinguish them. Such a one was she,—Thou, her most intimate Instructor, teaching her in the school of her heart.

22. Finally, her own husband, now towards the end of his earthly existence, did she gain over unto Thee; and she had not to complain of that in him, as one of the faithful, which, before he became so, she had endured. She was also the servant of Thy servants. Whosoever of them knew her, did in her much magnify, honour, and love Thee; for that through the testimony of the fruits of a holy conversation, they perceived Thee to be present in her heart. For she had “been the wife of one man,” had requited her parents, had guided her house piously, was “well-reported of for good works,” had “brought up children,”650    1 Tim. v. 4, 9, 10, 14. as often travailing in birth of them651    Gal. iv. 19. as she saw them swerving from Thee. Lastly, to all of us, O Lord (since of Thy favour Thou sufferest Thy servants to speak), who, before her sleeping in Thee,652    1 Thess. iv. 14. lived associated together, having received the grace of Thy baptism, did she devote, care such as she might if she had been mother of us all; served us as if she had been child of all.

CAPUT IX. Laudabiles matris suae mores prosequitur.

19. Educata itaque pudice ac sobrie, potiusque te subdita parentibus, quam a parentibus tibi, ubi plenis annis nubilis facta est, tradita viro servivit veluti domino; et sategit eum lucrari tibi, loquens te illi moribus suis, quibus eam pulchram faciebas, et reverenter amabilem atque mirabilem viro. Ita autem toleravit cubilis injurias, ut nullam de hac re cum marito haberet unquam simultatem. Exspectabat enim misericordiam tuam super eum, ut in te credens castificaretur. Erat vero ille praeterea, sicut benevolentia praecipuus, ita ira fervidus. Sed noverat haec non resistere irato viro, non tantum facto, sed ne verbo quidem. Jam vero refracto et quieto, cum opportunum videret, rationem facti sui reddebat, si forte ille inconsideratius commotus fuerat. Denique, cum matronae multae quarum viri mansuetiores erant, plagarum vestigia, etiam dehonestata facie gererent, inter amica colloquia illae arguebant maritorum vitam, haec earum linguam, veluti per jocum graviter admonens, ex quo illas tabulas quae matrimoniales vocantur, recitari audissent, tanquam instrumenta quibus ancillae factae essent, deputare debuisse; proinde memores conditionis, superbire adversus dominos non oportere. Cumque mirarentur illae scientes quam ferocem conjugem sustineret, nunquam fuisse auditum, aut aliquo indicio claruisse, quod Patricius ceciderit uxorem, aut quod a se invicem vel unum diem domestica lite dissenserint, et causam familiariter quaererent; docebat illa institutum suum, quod supra memoravi. 0773 Quae observabant, expertae gratulabantur; quae non observabant, subjectae vexabantur.

20. Socrum etiam suam primo susurris malarum ancillarum adversus se irritatam, sic vicit obsequiis, perseverans tolerantia et mansuetudine, ut illa ultro filio suo medias linguas famularum proderet, quibus inter se et nurum pax domestica turbabatur, expeteretque vindictam. Itaque posteaquam ille, et matri obtemperans, et curans familiae disciplinam, et concordiae suorum consulens, proditas ad prodentis arbitrium verberibus coercuit; promisit illa talia de se praemia sperare debere, quaecumque de sua nuru sibi, quo placeret, mali aliquid loqueretur: nullaque jam audente, memorabili inter se benevolentiae suavitate vixerunt.

21. Hoc quoque illi bono mancipio tuo, in cujus utero me creasti, Deus meus, misericordia mea, munus grande donaveras, quod inter dissidentes atque discordes quaslibet animas, ubi poterat, tam se praebebat pacificam, ut cum ab utraque multa de invicem audiret amarissima, qualia solet eructare turgens atque indigesta discordia, quando praesenti amicae de absente inimica per acida colloquia cruditas exhalatur odiorum; nihil tamen alteri de altera proderet, nisi quod ad eas reconciliandas valeret. Parvum hoc bonum mihi videretur, nisi turbas innumerabiles tristis experirer, nescio qua horrenda pestilentia peccatorum latissime pervagante, non solum iratorum inimicorum iratis inimicis dicta prodere, sed etiam quae non dicta sunt addere; cum contra homini humano parum esse debeat inimicitias hominum nec excitare nec augere male loquendo, nisi eas etiam exstinguere bene loquendo studuerit; qualis illa erat, docente te magistro intimo in schola pectoris.

22. Denique etiam virum suum jam in extrema vita temporali ejus lucrata est tibi, nec in eo jam fideli planxit quod in nondum fideli toleraverat. Erat etiam serva servorum tuorum. Quisquis eorum noverat eam, multum in ea laudabat et honorabat et diligebat te; quia sentiebat praesentiam tuam in corde ejus, sanctae conversationis fructibus testibus. Fuerat enim unius viri uxor, mutuam vicem parentibus reddiderat, domum suam pie tractaverat, in operibus bonis testimonium habebat. Nutrierat filios, toties eos parturiens, quoties abs te deviare cernebat. Postremo nobis, Domine, omnibus, quia ex munere tuo sinis loqui servis tuis, qui ante dormitionem ejus in te jam consociati vivebamus percepta gratia Baptismi tui, ita curam gessit, quasi omnes genuisset, ita servivit quasi ab omnibus genita fuisset.