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that you would turn away from me to such an extent, you who have taken away my many sins and iniquities? But if it happened that I also sinned, you punish me here, you even cut me limb from limb, if you command, only do not send me out there.”
And if he added to say to you: “Go, feed my sheep. Go, restore your brothers,” you ought to have said to him again: “Woe is me, Master, shall I, the unworthy one, be separated from you?”. And if in addition to these things he said again to you: “No, but I will be there with you,” again you ought to have fallen down, you ought to have wept and (334) wet his immaculate feet with your tears in your mind and spoken thus: “How will you be with me, Master, if, having gone down there, I will be darkened? How will you abide with me, if the inclination of my heart, being changeable, turns aside to the flatteries and praises of men? How will you receive me, if I am wickedly exalted to pride? How will you not flee, if I do not rebuke kings and rulers with boldness concerning righteousness and injustice and lawlessness? And how shall I do these and the other things to please you, so that you may be with me and strengthen me and not abandon me when I stumble and be separated from me, the unworthy one, leaving me lying down there alone? I am afraid lest stinginess, lest avarice take hold of me; I fear lest the rebellion of the flesh overcome me, lest pleasure deceive me, lest anxiety darken me, lest the honor of rulers and kings exalt me improperly, lest the pomp of office, puffing me up against my brothers, lift me up, lest I be carried away beyond what is proper by luxury and drunkenness, lest the thinned flesh of my soul be fattened by surfeiting, lest the threats of men terrify me and make me a transgressor of your commandments, lest the entreaties of fellow bishops and friends make me a partaker in injustice, either by being silent while they act unjustly, or by becoming an accomplice to those doing evil and not rebuking them with boldness and showing my opposition for the sake of your commandments. But how might I tell everything, Master? And behold, with me there are countless things, which you know better than I, Lord. Therefore, do not make me given over to so many evils, lover of mankind. For you know the contentiousness of men, their jests, their insults, their slanders, and especially of those who are more knowledgeable and puffed up by the wisdom of the world which is being brought to nothing by your grace. Have mercy on me, therefore, lover of mankind, and do not send me down there to be turned about in the midst of such and so many evils.”
(335) Therefore, you ought to have been suspicious of these things and more, and to have begged not to come down from heaven to the things here and to the earth. But if again he spoke to you, having accepted your love and humility, the lover of mankind and all-good king: “Do not be afraid,” he says. “For since I promised to be with you, you will be overcome by none of all your adversaries; for you will have me as a helper in everything, and I will glorify you even more down there, and here you will return again with greater and more manifest brightness and you will reign with me for endless ages,” not even then ought you to have taken courage or been entirely without care, but with fear and trembling, as though being brought down from a height into the depth of some very deep well full of all kinds of reptiles and beasts, so should you have entered upon the metropolitan see or the patriarchate or some other office, whether of an episcopacy or the leadership of a people.
But if you do not confess yourself to be such as my discourse has depicted, but rather you think that you are ascending to a height from below, O, the audacity, O, the darkening, O, the utter ignorance! For these are not the thoughts and sentiments of rational men, but of foolish and heathen men, or rather, to say, of the dead, who do not see, who do not perceive, who are not living, who do not know God at all and what is the
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ἐπί τοσοῦτον ἀποστραφῇς με, ὁ πολλάς μου ἁμαρτίας καί ἀνομίας ἀράμενος; Ἀλλ᾿ εἴ τι συνέβη καί ἥμαρτον, σύ με ὧδε τιμώρησον, σύ με καί μεληδόν, εἰ κελεύεις, κατάτεμε, μόνον ἐκεῖ μή ἐκπέμψῃς με».
Εἰ δέ προσέθετο εἰπεῖν σοι· «Ἄπελθε, τά ἐμά πρόβατα ποίμανον. Ἄπελθε, τούς ἀδελφούς σου ἐπίστρεψον», ἐχρῆν σε πάλιν εἰπεῖν πρός αὐτόν· «Οἴμοι ∆έσποτα, καί σοῦ χωρισθήσομαι ὁ ἀνάξιος;». Εἰ δέ καί πρός τούτοις ἔφη πάλιν πρός σέ· «Οὐχί, ἀλλ᾿ ἐγώ κἀκεῖ μετά σοῦ ἔσομαι», αὖθις ἔδει σε προσπεσεῖν, ἔδει σε κλαῦσαι καί τούς (334) ἀχράντους πόδας αὐτοῦ νοερῶς τοῖς δάκρυσι βρέξαι καί οὕτως εἰπεῖν· «Πῶς συνέσει μοι, ∆έσποτα, εἰ κατελθών ἐκεῖ σκοτισθήσομαι; Πῶς συνδιάξεις, εἰ πρός κολακείας καί ἐπαίνους ἀνθρώπων ἐκκλίνῃ ἡ ῥοπή τῆς καρδίας μου, τρεπτή οὖσα; Πῶς καταδέξῃ, ἐάν πρός ὑπερηφανίαν κακῶς ὑψωθῶ; Πῶς οὐ φεύξῃ, εἰ μή βασιλεῖς καί δυνάστας ὑπέρ δικαιοσύνης καί ἀδικίας καί παρανομίας μετά παρρησίας ἐλέγξω; Πῶς δέ ταῦτα καί τά λοιπά ποιήσω πρός ἀρέσκειαν σήν, ἵνα καί συνῇς μοι καί ἐνισχύσῃς με καί μή καταλείψῃς με πταίσαντα καί χωρισθῇς ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ τοῦ ἀναξίου, ἐάσας με μόνον ἐκεῖ κάτω κείμενον; ∆έδοικα μή φειδωλία, μή φιλαργυρία κρατήσῃ μου· φοβοῦμαι μή τῆς σαρκός ἡ ἐπανάστασις κυριέυσῃ μου, μή ἡδονή ἀπατήσῃ με, μή μέριμνα συσκοτήσῃ με, μή τιμή ἀρχόντων καί βασιλέων ὑψώσῃ οὐ καλῶς, μή ἀρχῆς ὄγκος κατά τῶν ἀδελφῶν ὑποφυσήσας ἐπάρῃ με, μή τρυφῇ καί μέθη τοῦ εἰκότος παρασύρομαι, μή κραιπάλῃ αἱ λεπτυνθεῖσαί μου σάρκες τῆς ψυχῆς παχυνθήσονται, μή ἀπειλαί ἀνθρώπων πτοήσουσι καί τῶν ἐντολῶν σου παραβάτην ἐργάσονται, μή συνεπισκόπων παρακλήσεις καί φίλων ἀδικίας με συγκοινωνόν ἀπεργάσονται, ἤ ἀδικούντων αὐτῶν σιωπῶντα, ἤ κακῶς πραττόντων συνεργόν γινόμενον καί μή τούτους ἐλέγχοντα παρρησίᾳ καί τήν ἔνστασιν ὑπέρ τῶν ἐντολῶν σου ἐπιδεικνύμενον. Ἀλλά πῶς πάντα ἐξείποιμι, ∆έσποτα; Καί ἰδού εἰσι παρ᾿ ἐμοί ἀναρίθμητα, ἅ μᾶλλον ἐπίστασαι σύ ἤ ἐγώ, Κύριε. Μή οὖν τοσούτοις κακοῖς ἔκδοτόν με ποιήσῃς, φιλάνθρωπε. Οἶδας γάρ τό τῶν ἀνθρώπων δυσάρεστον, τά σκώμματα τούτων, τάς λοιδορίας, τάς διαβολάς καί μάλιστα τῶν γνωστικωτέρων καί πεφυσιωμένων ὑπό τῆς καταργουμένης παρά τῆς χάριτός σου τοῦ κόσμου σοφίας. Ἐλέησον οὖν με, φιλάνθρωπε, καί μή κάτω με ἀποστείλῃς ἐκεῖ ἐν τοιούτοις καί τοσούτοις κακοῖς μέσον στρέφεσθαι».
(335) Ταῦτα τοίνυν καί τούτων πλείονα ἔδει σε ὑφορᾶσθαι καί παρακαλεῖν μή κατελθεῖν σε ἀπό τοῦ οὐρανοῦ πρός τά ὧδε καί πρός τήν γῆν. Εἰ δέ καί αὖθις πρός σέ εἶπεν, ἀποδεξάμενός σου τήν ἀγάπην καί τήν ταπείνωσιν, ὁ φιλάνθρωπος καί πανάγαθος βασιλεύς· «Μή φοβοῦ φησίν. Ἐπεί γάρ ὑπεσχόμην συνεῖναί σοι, ὑπ᾿ οὐδενός κυριευθήσῃ τῶν ἐναντίων ἁπάντων· ἕξεις γάρ με ἐν παντί βοηθόν καί μειζόνως καί ἐκεῖ κάτω δοξάσω σε καί ὧδε πάλιν ἐπανελεύσῃ μετά μείζονος καί περιφανεστέρας λαμπρότητος καί εἰς τούς ἀτελευτήτους αἰῶνας συμβασιλεύσεις μοι», οὐδέ τότε θαρρῆσαι ἤ ἀμεριμνῆσαι ὅλως ἐχρῆν σε, ἀλλά μετά φόβου καί τρόμου, ὡς ἀπό ὕψους πρός βάθος που φρέατος βαθυτάτου καταφερόμενος, ἑρπετῶν παντοίων καί θηρίων ὄντος μεστοῦ, οὕτω τῇ μητροπόλει ἤ τῇ πατριαρχίᾳ ἤ τινι ἑτέρᾳ ἐπιβῆναι ἀρχῇ, ἐπισκοπῆς τυχόν ἤ προστασίας λαοῦ.
Εἰ δέ μή τοιοῦτον οἷον ὁ λόγος ἀνεζωγράφησε σεαυτόν εἶναι ὁμολογεῖς, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς πρός ὕψος ἀνέρχεσθαί σε ἀπό τῶν κάτω μᾶλλον δοκεῖς, ὤ τῆς τόλμης, ὤ τῆς σκοτώσεως, ὤ τῆς ἐσχάτης ἀγνοίας. Οὐ γάρ ἀνθρώπων εἰσί ταῦτα λογικῶν τά νοήματα καί φρονήματα, ἀλλά ἀνοήτων καί ἐθνικῶν, ἤ μᾶλλον εἰπεῖν νεκρῶν, οὐ βλεπόντων, οὐκ αἰσθανομένων, οὐ ζώντων, οὐκ εἰδότων ὅλως Θεόν καί τί ἐστι τό