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having understood at all the benefit from these things! What has this present life profited me? Behold, so many years of my life have passed. Who then knows if I will live until tomorrow? I ate for many years, I filled my belly with meats, wine, and much gluttony. I adorned myself with clothes, I played and also laughed at myself, I abounded in so much or so much money and having spent it on vanities I squandered it, after this I again acquired more. I used baths to satiety and perfumes, I have ridden horses and mules, I enjoyed many and lavish tables, I envied my neighbor, I reviled, I fornicated, I stole, I lied. I associated with acquaintances and friends, I lodged with the famous and rich and rulers. I acquired a renowned name in life, I reclined on soft couches, I rested this earthly body, I slept sleep to satiety.

"What then of all these things has profited me until now or will profit me at the departure of my wretched soul, if tomorrow He who has power over every breath commands me to be taken from this world? Truly nothing! Therefore, let me not spend the remaining days of my life here in vain, but I shall make a beginning from the present and leaving all those things behind, I too shall practice the opposite of these things, as the holy fathers did. And I will fast so much in place of my former gluttony, until I cannot even move my tongue for (387) conversation, I will afflict my stomach with hunger and thirst, and my untamed tongue will surely be tamed, but indeed I will also come to gloom and pallor and grief along with these things, and I will be freed from the haughtiness of my thoughts, and along with these things I will easily cease from being puffed up and playing and laughing. I will put on humble clothes and I will give my valuables to the poor, I will scatter along with them also whatever gold I possess into the hands of the needy; for what concern is it to me to worry about these things from now on, if I am to offer my whole self to Him who nourishes all things? I will renounce riding horses and mules, I will deny all relatives and friends and acquaintances; for he who loves anyone more than God is not worthy of Him, as He Himself says. I will not touch a bath, I will not get into my bed of couches, but I will readily give myself to sleeping on the ground and a hard bed, so that I may sleep little even unwillingly, being constrained by the hardship. For what if I should even die? Am I worthy to live?

"For doing so, rising at midnight, I will fall down and weep in affliction for my sinful soul and say to God with groans and tears: Master, Lord of heaven and earth, I know that I have sinned beyond all the nature of men and even irrational animals and reptiles before you, my fearful and unapproachable God, and I am not worthy to receive mercy at all ever from you. For this reason I would not have dared to approach or fall before you, O philanthropic king, if I had not heard your holy voice saying: (388) "I have no pleasure in the death of the sinner, but that he should turn and live," and again that "there is joy in heaven over one sinner who repents." But remembering also the parable of the prodigal son which you spoke, Master, how when he was coming, before he came near you, you, the compassionate one, ran and fell on his neck and kissed him, taking courage in the sea of your goodness I have come to you in pain and grief and gloom of my heart, being hardened and terribly wounded and lying grievously in the abyss of hades of my iniquities. Yet from now on I give you my word, Lord, that as long as you command me to be in life and in this body, I will not forsake you, nor will I turn back, no longer will I touch vain and evil things. But you, my God, know my weakness, my misery, my faint-heartedness and the things that are about to tyrannize me

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καθόλου γνούς τό ἐκ τούτων ὠφέλιμον! Τί με ὠφέλησεν ἡ παροῦσα ζωή; Ἰδού παρῆλθον ἔτη τῆς ζωῆς μου τόσα καί τόσα. Τίς οὖν οἶδεν, εἰ ζήσομαι ἕως τῆς αὔριον; Ἔφαγον ἐπί ἔτη πολλά, ἐνέπλησά μου τήν γαστέρα κρεῶν, οἴνου καί ἀδηφαγίας πολλῆς. Ἐκαλλωπίσθην ἱματίοις, ἔπαιξά τε ὁμοῦ καί ἐγέλασα κατ᾿ ἐμοῦ, ἐπερισσεύθην ἐν νομίσμασι τόσοις ἤ τόσοις καί ἐξοδιάσας αὐτά ἐπί ματαίοις ἀνάλωσα, μετά ταῦτα πάλιν ἐκτησάμην ἕτερα. Λοετροῖς ἐχρησάμην εἰς κόρον καί μύροις, ἵππους καί ἡμιόνους ἐπιβέβηκα, τραπεζῶν πολλῶν καί πολυτελῶν ἀπήλαυσα, τῷ πλησίον ἐφθόνησα, ἐλοιδόρησα, πεπόρνευκα, ἔκλεψα, ἐψευσάμην. Συνήθεσι καί φίλοις συνανεστράφην περιδόξοις καί πλουσίοις καί ἄρχουσι συνηυλίσθην. Ὄνομα ἐν τῷ βίῳ περιφανές ἐκτησάμην, ἐπί ἁπαλῶν στρωμνῶν ἀνεκλίθην, ἀνέπαυσα τό σῶμα τοῦτο τό γήϊνον, ὕπνον εἰς κόρον ὕπνωσα.

"Τί οὖν με τούτων ἁπάντων ὠφέλησε μέχρι τοῦ νῦν ἤ ἐν τῇ ἐξόδῳ τῆς ταλαιπώρου ψυχῆς μου ὠφελήσει με, εἰ αὔριον ὁ ἔχων ἐξουσίαν πάσης πνοῆς ἀπό τοῦ κόσμου τούτου κελεύσει ἀρθῆναί με; Ὄντως οὐδέν! Λοιπόν οὖν μή μάτην κἄν τάς ὑπολοίπους διάξω ἡμέρας τῆς ἐνταῦθα ζωῆς μου, ἀλλά βάλλω ἀπό τοῦ παρόντος ἀρχήν και πάντα καταλιπών ἐκεῖνα, τά ἐναντία τούτοις ὡς οἱ ἅγιοι πατέρες κἀγώ διαπράξομαι. Καί νηστεύσω μέν ἐπί τοσοῦτον ἀντί τῆς προλαβούσης ἀδηφαγίας μου, ἕως οὗ μηδέ τήν γλῶσσαν πρός (387) συντυχίαν κινῆσαί με δύνασθαι, θλίψω δέ τήν γαστέρα ἐν πείνῃ καί δίψῃ, καί δαμασθήσεται πάντως ἡ ἀδάμαστος γλῶσσα μου, ἀλλά μήν καί εἰς στυγνότητα καί ὠχρότητα καί λύπην ἅμα τούτοις ἐλεύσομαι καί τοῦ γαυριάματος τῶν λογισμῶν ἐλευθερωθήσομαι καί τοῦ μετεωρίζεσθαι καί παίζειν καί γελᾶν σύν τούτοις εὐκόλως παύσομαι. Περιβαλοῦμαι εὐτελῆ καί τά πολύτιμα δώσω τοῖς πένησι, σκορπίσω σύν αὐτοῖς καί ὅσον χρυσίον κέκτημαι εἰς χεῖρας τῶν δεομένων· τί γάρ μοι καί τό μεριμνᾶν περί τούτων ἀπό τοῦ νῦν, εἰ τῷ τά πάντα τρέφοντι ὅλον ἐμαυτόν ἀναθήσομαι; Ἵππους ἐπιβαίνειν καί ἡμιόνους ἀποτάξομαι, τούς συγγενεῖς καί φίλους καί συνήθεις ἅπαντας ἀρνήσομαι· ὁ γάρ πλέον τοῦ Θεοῦ πάντως τινά ἀγαπῶν οὐκ ἔστιν αὐτοῦ ἐκείνου, ὡς αὐτός λέγει, ἄξιος. Λοετροῦ οὐχ ἅψομαι, ἐπί κλίνης στρωμνῆς μου οὐκ ἀναβήσομαι, ἀλλά χαμευνίᾳ καί ξηροκοιτίᾳ ἐμαυτόν προθύμως ἐκδῶ, ἵνα ὀλίγον ὑπνώσω καί μή βουλόμενος, ὑπό τῆς ξηρασίας στενοχωρούμενος. Τί γάρ, ἐάν καί ἀποθάνοιμι, ἆρα δέ ζῆν εἰμι ἄξιος;

"Οὕτω γάρ ποιῶν, ἐγειρόμενος μεσονύκτιον, προσπέσω καί κλαύσω ἐν θλίψει τῆς ἁμαρτησάσης ψυχῆς μου καί πρός τόν Θεόν ἐν στεναγμοῖς καί δάκρυσιν εἴποιμι· ∆έσποτα, Κύριε τοῦ οὐρανοῦ καί τῆς γῆς, οἶδα ὅτι ἥμαρτον ὑπέρ πᾶσαν φύσιν ἀνθρώπων καί αὐτῶν τῶν ἀλόγων ζῴων καί ἑρπετῶν ἐνώπιόν σου, τοῦ φοβεροῦ καί ἀπροσίτου Θεοῦ μου, καί οὐκ εἰμί ἄξιος ἐλέους τυχεῖν ὅλως ποτέ παρά σοῦ. ∆ιά γάρ τοῦτο οὐδέ ἐτόλμων προσελθεῖν ἤ προσπεσεῖν σοι, φιλάνθρωπε βασιλεῦ, εἰ μή ἤκουσα τῆς ἁγίας φωνῆς σου λεγούσης· (388) "Οὐ θελήσει θέλω τόν θάνατον τοῦ ἁμαρτωλοῦ, ὡς τό ἐπιστρέψαι καί ζῆν αὐτόν", καί πάλιν ὅτι "χαρά γίνεται ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ ἐπί ἑνί ἁμαρτωλῷ μετανοοῦντι". Ἀλλά γάρ μνησθείς καί τῆς περί τοῦ ἀσώτου υἱοῦ παραβολῆς ἥνπερ εἴρηκας, ∆έσποτα, ὅπως ἐρχομένου αὐτοῦ, πρό τοῦ πλησίον σου γενέσθαι αὐτόν, σύ ὁ εὔσπλαχνος προσελθών ἐπέπεσας τῷ τραχήλῳ αὐτοῦ καί κατεφίλησας αὐτόν , θαρρήσας εἰς τό πέλαγος τῆς σῆς ἀγαθότητος προσῆλθόν σοι ἐν ὀδύνῃ καί λύπῃ καί στυγνότητι τῆς καρδίας μου, πεπωρωμένος ὤν καί τετραυματισμένος δεινῶς καί εἰς πέταυρον ᾅδου τῶν ἐμῶν ἀνομιῶν χαλεπῶς κείμενος. Πλήν ἀπό τοῦ νῦν λόγον σοι δίδωμι, Κύριε, ὅτι ἕως κελεύσεις εἶναί με ἐν τῷ βίῳ καί τούτῳ τῷ σώματι, οὐκ ἐγκαταλείψω σε, οὐδέ εἰς τά ὀπίσω στραφήσομαι, οὐκέτι ἅψομαι τῶν ματαίων καί πονηρῶν. Σύ δέ, ὁ Θεός μου, ἐπιγινώσκεις μου τήν ἀσθένειαν, τήν ταλαιπωρίαν, τήν ὀλιγοψυχίαν μου καί τάς μελλούσας με τυραννεῖν