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165

I believed, but to such men I answered, Lord Christ, as You know, and I was saying: "My Lord, have mercy. And has the devil become so much more powerful than the Lord God, that he draws all to himself and makes them his own portion, so that no one is left for God's portion?".

For this reason, I believe, O philanthropic King, as I was sitting in the darkness of life and in the midst of evils, You shone Your holy light upon me and in it You showed me Your holy one. And in the same way that You did for Your servant Paul, calling him through Your divine manifestation as he was persecuting You - for when he saw you and said: "Who are You?" You did not say: "I am the one who made heaven and earth. I am the one who brought all things from non-being into being," nor did You say: "I am the one who is, or; the God of Sabaoth, or; the God of your fathers," nor any other of the appellations of Your glory, but this alone You said to him: "I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting," so that he might know clearly that You are (441) the incarnate God for our sake, whom he was persecuting, thus You also did for me, Master, when You were pleased to show me Your holy Symeon.

For when Your divine light illumined all things and me, the wretched one, and made the night as the brightest day, in it, in the height of Your Divinity, You deemed me worthy to see him in a fearful manner, as in heaven, standing near Your divine glory, having adorned him not with any crown, not with shining raiment, not with a changed appearance, but just as he was when he lived with us and was seen every day on earth, such did you show him to me in heaven. In what way? So that I might not think that this one, who was with us, and the other one who appeared to me there were different, and, having strayed, I, the lost sheep, might miss the good shepherd.

But not even in this wondrous event did I, the miserable one, understand, but being little by little stolen away by indolence and negligence, I fell into my former evils, or even worse ones. But You, O compassionate and long-suffering King, did not even so turn away from me, but through that holy one You turned me back and deemed me worthy to fall at his holy feet, leading me with Your mighty hand and Your uplifted arm out of the deceitful world and the world's affairs and pleasures, and having separated me from all things, both bodily and spiritually, O the wonder, O the love and sympathy toward us of You, the philanthropic God, You placed me in the rank of those who serve You. After these things, therefore, Master, not only have You given me forgiveness of my unspeakable (442) evils, but also all the aforementioned good things through the intercessions of Your saint, or rather, You Yourself have become all things to me.

For as You tabernacled in him and shone forth with the light of divine glory, I, having approached him in repentance and faith and grasped his feet, immediately felt a divine warmth, then a small, dawning brightness, then a divine in-breathing from his words, then from this a fire in the heart gushing forth unending streams through tears, then a slender ray passing through my mind faster than lightning, then like a light in the night and like a small, flame-like cloud it appeared to me, settling upon my head as I lay on my face and made my prayer. Then it flew away and not long after appeared to me in heaven.

Then as I was considering what I had seen, something else even more wondrous than all these things happens. For during my sleep, as I was being tempted by the evil demons and drawn by their device toward the passion of emission, and as I resisted for help, I awoke, having escaped unharmed from the hands of the tempters. And as I was marveling to myself at the resistance and the courage, or rather my immovability toward the passion, and as I was thinking, "Whence has this victory so uncharacteristically come, that even while sleeping I fight back and

165

ἐπίστευσα, ἀλλά πρός τούς τοιούτους ἀπεκρινάμην, ∆έσποτα Χριστέ, καθώς οἶδας, καί ἔλεγον· "Κύριέ μου, ἐλέησον. Καί τοσοῦτον ὁ διάβολος τοῦ ∆εσπότου Θεοῦ ἐγένετο δυνατώτερος, ἵνα πάντας ἐφελκύσῃ πρός ἑαυτόν καί εἰς τήν αὐτοῦ μερίδα ποιήσηται, ὥστε μή καταληφθῆναί τινα εἰς τό μέρος τοῦ Θεοῦ;".

∆ιά τοῦτο, ὡς οἶμαι, φιλάνθρωπε βασιλεῦ, ἐν τῷ τοῦ βίου σκότει καί ἐν μέσῳ τῶν κακῶν καθημένῳ μοι τό φῶς σου τό ἅγιον ἔλαμψας καί ἐν αὐτῷ τόν σόν μοι καθυπέδειξας ἅγιον. Καί ὅν τρόπον ἐπί τοῦ δούλου σου Παύλου ἐποίησας, διώκοντά σε καλέσας αὐτόν διά τῆς θεϊκῆς ἐμφανείας σου - καί γάρ ἐκείνου θεασαμένου σε καί εἰπόντος· "Τίς εἶ;" οὐκ εἶπας· "Ἐγώ εἰμι ὁ ποιήσας τόν οὐρανόν καί τήν γῆν. Ἐγώ εἰμι ὁ ἐκ τοῦ μή ὄντος εἰς τό εἶναι τά πάντα παραγαγών", οὐδέ εἶπας· "Ἐγώ εἰμι ὁ ὤν, ἤ· ὁ Θεός Σαβαώθ, ἤ· ὁ Θεός τῶν πατέρων σου", οὐδέ ἕτερόν τι ἐκ τῶν τῆς δόξης σου προσηγοριῶν, ἀλλ᾿ ἤ τοῦτο μόνον πρός αὐτόν εἴρηκας· "Ἐγώ εἰμι Ἰησοῦς ὁ Ναζωραῖος, ὅν σύ διώκεις", ἵνα γνῷ σαφῶς ὅτι σύ ὑπάρχεις (441) ὁ σαρκωθείς Θεός δι᾿ ἡμᾶς, ὅν ἐκεῖνος ἐδίωκεν , οὕτω καί ἐπ᾿ ἐμοί ἐποίησας, ∆έσποτα, ὅτε μοι τόν ἅγιόν σου Συμεών καθυποδεῖξαι εὐδόκησας.

Τοῦ φωτός σου γάρ τοῦ θεϊκοῦ τά πάντα κἀμέ τόν τάλανα καταφωτίσαντος καί τήν νύκτα ὡς ἡμέραν φαεινοτάτην ποιήσαντος, ἐν αὐτῷ με τῷ ὕψει τῆς σῆς Θεότητος ὡς ἐν οὐρανῷ φρικτῶς ἰδεῖν αὐτόν κατηξίωσας, τῆς θεϊκῆς σου δόξης πλησίον ἱστάμενον, οὐ στεφάνῳ τινί, οὐκ ἐνδύματι φαεινῷ, οὐκ ἐνηλλαγμένη θεωρίᾳ κοσμήσας αὐτόν, ἀλλ᾿ οἷος ἦν συνδιάγων ἡμῖν καί ὁρώμενος καθ᾿ ἑκάστην ἐπί τῆς γῆς, τοιοῦτόν μοι αὐτόν καθυπέδειξας ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ. Τίνα τρόπον; Ἵνα μή ἕτερον εἶναι τοῦτον, τόν σύν ἡμῖν, καί ἄλλον τόν ἐκεῖ μοι ὀφθέντα λογίσωμαι καί ἀποπλανηθείς τοῦ καλοῦ ποιμένος ἀστοχήσω, τό ἀπολωλός ἐγώ πρόβατον.

Ἀλλά γάρ οὐδέ ἐν τούτῳ τῷ γεγονότι θαύματι συνῆκα ὁ ἄθλιος, ῥᾳθυμίᾳ δέ καί ὀλιγωρίᾳ κατ᾿ ὀλίγον κλαπείς, τοῖς προτέροις κακοῖς ἤ καί χείροσι περιέπεσον. Σύ δέ, Βασιλεῦ εὔσπλαχνε καί μακρόθυμε, οὐδέ οὔτω με ἀπεστράφης, ἀλλά δι᾿ αὐτοῦ με τοῦ ἁγίου ἐπέστρεψας καί εἰς τούς ἁγίους αὐτοῦ προσπεσεῖν πόδας με κατηξίωσας, τῇ κραταιᾷ σου χειρί καί τῷ βραχίονί σου τῷ ὑψηλῷ ἐξάξας ἀπό τοῦ πλάνου κόσμου καί τῶν τοῦ κόσμου πραγμάτων καί ἡδονῶν καί ἀποχωρήσας με πάντων σωματικῶς τε ἅμα καί ψυχικῶς, ὤ τοῦ θαύματος, ὤ τῆς πρός ἡμᾶς ἀγάπης καί συμπαθείας σου τοῦ φιλανθρώπου Θεοῦ, ἔστησας ἐν τῇ τάξει τῶν δουλευόντων σοι. Μετά ταῦτα οὖν, ∆έσποτα, οὐ μόνον τῶν ἀμυθήτων (442) μου κακῶν τήν συγχώρησιν, ἀλλά καί τά προειρημένα ἅπαντα ἀγαθά ταῖς τοῦ ἁγίου σου πρεσβείαις μοι δέδωκας, μᾶλλον δέ αὐτός πάντα μοι γέγονας.

Προσκηνώσαντός σου γάρ ἐν ἐκείνῳ καί τῷ φωτί τῆς θεϊκῆς δόξης ἐκλάμποντος, πλησιάσας αὐτῷ ἐν μετανοίᾳ καί πίστει τούς ἐκείνου πόδας κρατήσας, ἐγώ εὐθύς θείας ᾐσθόμην θερμότητος, εἶτα μικρᾶς αὐγαζούσης λαμπρότητος, εἶτα θείου ἀπό τῶν ἐκείνου λόγων ἐμφυσήματος, εἶτα πυρός ἐκ τούτου ἐγκαρδίου διά δακρύων βλύζοντος ῥεῖθρα ἀένναα, εἶτα ἀκτῖνος ἐν τῷ νοΐ μου λεπτῆς ταχύτερον ἀστραπῆς διελθούσης, εἶτα ὡς φῶς ἐν νυκτί καί ὡς νεφέλη ἐφάνη μοι μικρά καί φλογοειδής ἐπί τῆς κεφαλῆς μου καθίσασα, κειμένου μου ἐπί πρόσωπον καί ποιουμένου τήν δέησιν. Εἶτα ἀπέπτη καί μετ᾿ οὐ πολύ ὤφθη μοι ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ.

Εἶτα ἀναλογιζόμενος τό ὁρώμενον εἶναι, ἕτερόν τι ὑπέρ ταῦτα πάντα παραδοξότερον γίνεται. Κατά τούς ὕπνους γάρ ὑπό τῶν πονηρῶν δαιμόνων πειραζομένου μου καί πρός πάθος ῥεύσεως διά μηχανῆς ἑλκομένου μου καί ἀνθισταμένου μου εἰς βοήθειαν, ἔξυπνος γέγονα, τῶν πειραζόντων τάς χεῖρας ἀβλαβής ἐκφυγών. Ὡς δέ καθ᾿ ἑαυτόν τήν ἔνστασιν καί τήν ἀνδρείαν, μᾶλλον δέ τήν ἀκινησίαν μου πρός τό πάθος ἐθαύμαζον, καί "Πόθεν τοῦτο ἀσυνήθως"μοῦ λογιζομένου, "τό τρόπαιον γέγονεν, ἵνα καί κοιμώμενος ἀντιμάχωμαι καί