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I become stronger than my adversaries and my enemies and utterly conquer them with a victory, wondrously, through Christ? 'O, the wonder! Immediately, Him whom I thought to be in heaven, I saw within myself, I mean You, my Creator and King, Christ, (443) and then I knew the victory to be Yours, by which You made me conquer the devil.
But yet I did not know, Master, that it was You, the one who formed me from clay, who granted me all these good things. I did not yet know that it was You yourself who were my humble God and Lord. For I was not yet deemed worthy to hear Your voice, that I might know You; You had not yet said to me mystically, "I am." For I was unworthy and unclean, still having the ears of my soul blocked with the clay of sin, and my eyes held by unbelief and ignorance and the feeling and mist of the passions. And so I was seeing You, my God; but not knowing nor having previously believed that God, insofar as it is possible to be seen, is seen by anyone, I did not understand that what was shown to me now in one way, now in another, was God or the glory of God, but the strangeness of the wonder astounded me, and filled my whole soul and heart with joy, so that I thought my very body partook of that ineffable grace. But I did not then clearly know who You were, the one who was seen. For a time I saw a light more frequently, sometimes within, when my soul enjoyed tranquility and peace, and sometimes it appeared far off somewhere outside, or was completely hidden, and its hiding caused in me an unbearable affliction, as I reasoned that it would certainly never appear again. But again to me, as I mourned and wept and showed forth all exile and obedience and humility, it would appear like the sun, cutting through the thickness of the cloud and showing itself little by little, gentle and spherical. Thus then, You the ineffable, the invisible, (444) the intangible, the immovable, who are always everywhere and in all things present and filling all things, hour by hour, so to speak, by day and by night being seen and hidden, departing and coming, becoming unseen and suddenly appearing, little by little You drove away the darkness in me, You drove off the cloud, You made the thickness thin, You cleansed the film from my spiritual eyes, the ears of my intellect You unstopped and opened, You removed the veil of insensibility; along with these things, You put to sleep every passion and every carnal pleasure, and completely banished them from me. Therefore, having made me such, You cleansed the heaven of every cloud; and by heaven I mean the purified soul in which, invisibly—I know not how or from where You come—You who are present everywhere are suddenly found and are revealed as another sun. O, the ineffable condescension!
These are the wonders of God towards us, brothers! But as we ascend to what is more perfect, the formless and shapeless One no longer comes as before, formless or shapeless, nor does He effect the presence and arrival of His light to us in silence. But how? In a certain form, yet of God; but God not in a shape or an image, but formed in an incomprehensible and ungraspable and formless light, He is shown as simple—for we can say or express nothing more—, nevertheless the invisible One is shown manifestly and is known very recognizably and is seen very clearly, invisibly He speaks and hears and, as a friend to a friend face to face, God by nature converses with those born of Him as gods by grace, and like a father He loves and is loved by His sons very warmly, and becomes (445) for them a strange sight and a most awesome sound, neither able to be spoken of worthily by them, nor enduring to be covered over in silence; by longing for whom they are always kindled and from whom they are mystically instructed, they write, sometimes lamenting the passions of others, and sometimes they parade their own stumblings. And sometimes, gratefully recounting the benefactions and energies of grace that have come to them, they theologically hymn the
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ἰσχυρότερος τῶν ἀντιπάλων καί ἐχθρῶν μου γίνωμαι καί κατά κράτος αὐτούς νίκην νικῶ παραδόξως διά Χριστοῦ; "ὤ τοῦ θαύματος, εὐθύς ὅν ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ εἶναι ἐνόμιζον ἐντός μου τοῦτον εἶδον, σέ λέγω τόν ἐμόν ∆ημιουργόν καί Βασιλέα Χριστόν, (443) καί τότε ἔγνων εἶναι σήν τήν νίκην, ἥν με νενικηκέναι ἐποίησας τόν διάβολον.
Ἀλλ᾿ ὅμως οὔπω ἐγίνωσκον, ∆έσποτα, ὅτι σύ ᾖς, ὁ ἀπό πηλοῦ πλάσας με, ταῦτά μοι πάντα χαρισάμενος τά καλά. Οὔπω ἔγνων ὅτι αὐτός σύ ὑπῆρχες ὁ ἀνυπερήφανος Θεός μου καί Κύριος. Οὔπω γάρ φωνῆς σου ἠξιώθην ἀκοῦσαι, ἵνα γνωρίσω σε, οὔπω ᾖς εἰπών μοι μυστικῶς ὅτι "Ἐγώ εἰμι". Ἀνάξιος γάρ ἐτύγχανον καί ἀκάθαρτος, ἔτι τά ὦτα τῆς ψυχῆς ἐμπεφραγμένα τῷ τῆς ἁμαρτίας ἔχων πηλῷ καί τούς ὀφθαλμούς μου κεκρατημένους ὑπό ἀπιστίας καί ἀγνοίας καί τῆς τῶν παθῶν αἰσθήσεως καί ἀχλύος. Καί σέ μέν οὕτω τόν Θεόν μου ἑώρων· μή εἰδώς δέ μηδέ προπεπιστευκώς ὅτι Θεός, καθ᾿ ὅσον οἷόν τε ὁρᾶσθαι, ὁρᾶταί τινι, οὐκ ἐνενόουν ὅτι Θεός ἤ Θεοῦ δόξα ἐστί τό ποτέ μεν οὕτω μοι ποτέ δέ ἄλλως δεικνύμενον, ἀλλά τό μέν ἀσύνηθες κατέπληττέ με τοῦ θαύματος, χαρᾶς δέ ὅλην μου τήν ψυχήν ἐπλήρου καί τήν καρδίαν, ὡς καί αὐτό μου οἴεσθαί με τό σῶμα μεταλαμβάνειν τῆς χάριτος τῆς ἀφάτου ἐκείνης. Οὔπω δέ τό τίς ᾖς ὁ ὁρώμενος τρανῶς τότε ἐγίνωσκον. Τέως ἑώρων συχνότερον φῶς, ποτέ μέν ἔνδον, ὅτε γαλήνης καί εἰρήνης ἡ ψυχή μου ἀπήλαυε, ποτέ δέ ἔξω που μακράν ἐφαίνετο ἤ καί τελείως ἐκρύπτετο καί κρυπτόμενον θλῖψίν μοι ἐνεποίει ἀφόρητον, λογιζομένου μου ὡς οὐκέτι πάντως φανήσεται. Ἀλλά μοι πάλιν θρηνοῦντι καί κλαίοντι καί πᾶσαν ἐνδεικνυμένῳ ξενιτείαν καί ὑπακοήν καί ταπείνωσιν ἐπεφαίνετο ὥσπερ ὁ ἥλιος, τό πάχος τοῦ νέφους διατέμνων καί κατά μικρόν προσηνής καί σφαιροειδής ἐνδεικνύμενος. Οὕτως οὖν ὁ ἄφραστος σύ, ὁ ἀόρατος, (444) ὁ ἀναφής, ὁ ἀκίνητος, ὁ πανταχοῦ ἀεί καί ἐν πᾶσι παρών καί τά πάντα πληρῶν, καθ᾿ ὥραν, ἵν᾿ εἴπω, ἐν ἡμέρᾳ τε καί νυκτί ὁρώμενος καί κρυπτόμενος, ἀπιών καί ἐρχόμενος, γινόμενος ἀφανής καί αἴφνης φαινόμενος, κατά μικρόν μικρόν τό σκότος ἐν ἐμοί ἀπεδίωξας, τό νέφος ἀπήλασας, τό πάχος ἐλέπτυνας, τήν λήμην τῶν νοερῶν ὀφθαλμῶν ἀπεκάθηρας, τά ὦτα τῆς διανοίας ἀπέφραξας καί διήνοιξας, τῆς ἀναισθησίας περιῆρας τό κάλυμμα, σύν τούτοις πᾶν πάθος και πᾶσαν σαρκικήν ἡδονήν κατεκοίμησας καί τέλεον ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ ἐξώρισας. Τοιγαροῦν καί τοιοῦτόν με ἀπεργασάμενος, τόν οὐρανόν παντός νέφους ἐκάθηρας· οὐρανόν δέ λέγω τήν καθαρθεῖσαν ψυχήν ἐν ᾗ ἀοράτως, οὐκ οἶδ᾿ ὅπως ἤ πόθεν ἐρχόμενος, ὁ πανταχοῦ παρών αἴφνης εὑρίσκῃ καί ὡς ἄλλος ἥλιος ἀναδείκνυσαι. Βαβαί τῆς ἀφράστου συγκαταβάσεως!
Ταῦτα πρός ἡμᾶς τοῦ Θεοῦ τά θαυμάσια, ἀδελφοί! Ἀνερχομένων δέ ἡμῶν ἐπί τό τελεώτερον, οὐκέτι ὡς τό πρότερον ἄμορφος ἤ ἀνείδεος ὁ ἄμορφος καί ἀνείδεος ἔρχεται ἤ τήν παρουσίαν καί ἄφιξιν τοῦ φωτός αὐτοῦ σιωπῇ πρός ἡμᾶς ἀπεργάζεται. Ἀλλά πῶς; Ἐν μορφῇ τινι, πλήν Θεοῦ· Θεός δέ οὐκ ἐν σχήματι ἤ ἐκτυπώματι, ἀλλ᾿ ἐν ἀκατανοήτῳ καί ἀμηχάνῳ καί ἀμόρφῳ μεμορφωμένος φωτί ἁπλοῦς δείκνυται - οὐδέν γάρ πλέον εἰπεῖν ἤ ἐκφράσαι δυνάμεθα , τέως ἐμφανῶς δείκνυται καί γνωρίζεται πάνυ γνωστῶς καί λίαν ὁρᾶται τρανῶς ὁ ἀόρατος, ἀοράτως λαλεῖ καί ἀκούει καί, ὡς εἴ τις φίλος πρός φίλον ἐνώπιος ἐνωπίῳ, προσομιλεῖ ὁ φύσει Θεός τοῖς κατά χάριν ἐξ αὐτοῦ γεννηθεῖσι θεοῖς, καί ὡς πατήρ ἀγαπᾷ καί παρά τῶν υἱῶν φιλεῖται ἄγαν θερμῶς καί γίνεται (445) τούτοις ξένον θέαμα καί φρικτότερον ἄκουσμα, μήτε λαλεῖσθαι παρ᾿ αὐτῶν ἀξίως δυνάμενον, μήτε σιωπῇ συγκαλύπτεσθαι ἀνεχόμενον· οὗ τῷ πόθῳ ἀεί ἀναπτόμενοι καί μυστικῶς παρ᾿ αὐτοῦ ἐνηχούμενοι, ποτέ μέν περί τῶν ἀλλοτρίων παθῶν ἀποδυρόμενοι γράφουσι, ποτέ δέ τά ἑαυτῶν θριαμβεύουσι πταίσματα. Καί ποτέ μέν, τάς εἰς αὐτούς γενομένας εὐεργεσίας καί ἐνεργείας τῆς χάριτος εὐχαρίστως ἐκδιηγούμενοι, θεολογικῶς ἀνυμνοῦσι τόν