Letter CCXII.1064

To Hilarius.1065

1.  You can imagine what I felt, and in what state of mind I was, when I came to Dazimon and found that you had left a few days before my arrival.  From my boyhood I have held you in admiration, and, therefore, ever since our old school days, have placed a high value on intercourse with you.  But another reason for my doing so is that nothing is so precious now as a soul that loves the truth, and is gifted with a sound judgment in practical affairs.  This, I think, is to be found in you.  I see most men, as in the hippodrome, divided into factions, some for one side and some for another, and shouting with their parties.  But you are above fear, flattery, and every ignoble sentiment, and so naturally look at truth with an unprejudiced eye.  And I see that you are deeply interested in the affairs of the Churches, about which you have sent me a letter, as you have said in your last.  I should like to know who took charge of the conveyance of this earlier epistle, that I may know who has wronged me by its loss.  No letter from you on this subject has yet reached me.

2.  How much, then, would I not have given to meet you, that I might tell you all my troubles?  When one is in pain it is, as you know, some alleviation, even to describe it.  How gladly would I have answered your questions, not trusting to lifeless letters, but in my own person, narrating each particular.  The persuasive force of living words is more efficient and they are not so susceptible as letters to attack and to misrepresentation.  For now no one has left anything untried, and the very men in whom I put the greatest confidence, men, who when I saw them among others, I used to think something more than human, have received documents written by some one, and have sent them on, whatever they are, as mine, and on their account are calumniating me to the brethren as though there is nothing now that pious and faithful men ought to hold in greater abhorrence than my name.  From the beginning it has been my object to live unknown, to a degree not reached by anyone who has considered human infirmity; but now, just as though on the other hand it had been my purpose to make myself notorious to the world, I have been talked about all over the earth, and I may add all over the sea too.  For men, who go to the last limit of impiety, and are introducing into the Churches the godless opinion of Unlikeness,1066 are waging war against me.  Those too who hold the via media,1067 as they think, and, though they start from the same principles, do not follow out their logical consequences, because they are so opposed to the view of the majority, are equally hostile to me, overwhelming me to the utmost of their ability with their reproaches, and abstaining from no insidious attacks against me.  But the Lord has made their endeavours vain.

Is not this a grievous state of things?  Must it not make my life painful?  I have at all events one consolation in my troubles, my bodily infirmity.  This I am sure will not suffer me to remain much longer in this miserable life.  No more on this point.  You too I exhort, in your bodily infirmity, to bear yourself bravely and worthy of the God Who has called us.  If He sees us accepting our present circumstances with thanksgiving, He will either put away our troubles as He did Job’s, or will requite us with the glorious crowns of patience in the life to come.

ΙΛΑΡΙῼ

[1] Ἐμὲ δὲ τί οἴει πεπονθέναι ἢ τίνα γνώμην ἔχειν, ἐπειδὴ ἐπεδήμησα μὲν τῷ Δαζιμῶνι, ἔμαθον δὲ ὀλίγαις ὕστερον ἡμέραις τῆς παρουσίας ἡμῶν ἐξεληλυθέναι σου τὴν λογιότητα; Οὐ γὰρ μόνον διὰ τὸ ἐκ παιδὸς θαῦμα ὃ ἔσχον περὶ σὲ εὐθὺς ἀπὸ διατριβῶν αὐτῶν ἀεὶ πολλοῦ ἀξίαν ἐθέμην τὴν ὁμιλίαν σου, ἀλλὰ καὶ διὰ τὸ μηδὲν οὕτω σπουδαῖον εἶναι νῦν ὡς φιλαλήθη ψυχὴν ὑγιὲς τῶν πραγμάτων τὸ κριτήριον κεκτημένην: ὅπερ ἡγούμεθα παρὰ σοὶ διασώζεσθαι. Καὶ γὰρ τῶν λοιπῶν τοὺς πλείστους ὁρῶμεν, ὥσπερ ἐν ταῖς ἱπποδρομίαις, τοὺς μὲν ὡς τούτους, τοὺς δὲ ὡς ἐκείνους διῃρημένους, καὶ συνεκβοῶντας τοῖς στασιάζουσι. Σὲ δὲ καὶ φόβου καὶ θεραπείας καὶ παντὸς ἀγεννοῦς πάθους ὑψηλότερον ὄντα εἰκὸς ὀφθαλμῷ ὑγιαίνοντι καθορᾶν τὴν ἀλήθειαν. Καὶ γὰρ αἰσθάνομαί σου μὴ παρέργως ἔχοντος πρὸς τὰ τῶν Ἐκκλησιῶν, ὅπου γε καὶ πρὸς ἡμᾶς ἔπεμψάς τινα περὶ τούτων ἐπιστολήν, ὡς ἐν τοῖς ἔναγχος τούτοις ἐδήλους γράμμασιν, ἣν τίς ὁ παραλαβὼν ὥστε διακομίσαι ἡδέως ἂν μάθοιμι, ὥστε εἰδέναι τὸν ἀδικήσαντα. Οὐ γὰρ ἐνέτυχόν πω γράμμασι σοῖς πρὸς ἡμᾶς περὶ τούτων.

[2] Πόσου πότ' ἂν οὖν οἴει πρίασθαί με τὴν ὁμιλίαν σου, ὑπὲρ τοῦ γνωρίσαι με σοὶ τὰ λυποῦντά με (φέρει γάρ, ὡς οἶδας, καὶ τὸ ἐξειπεῖν ῥᾳστώνην τινὰ τοῖς ὀδυνωμένοις), ἀποκρίνασθαί τε περὶ τῶν ἐπιζητουμένων, οὐ γράμμασιν ἀψύχοις καταπιστεύσαντα, ἀλλ' αὐτὸν δι' ἐμαυτοῦ ἐναργῶς λέγοντα ἕκαστα καὶ ἐπεξιόντα; Οἱ γὰρ ἔμψυχοι λόγοι δραστικωτέραν τε ἔχουσι τὴν πειθώ, πρός τε τὸ εὐεπιχείρητον καὶ πρὸς συκοφαντίαν εὐάλωτον οὐκέτι ὅμοιοι τοῖς γεγραμμένοις εἰσί. Καὶ γὰρ οὐδὲν ἀτόλμητον λοιπὸν οὐδενί, ὅπου γε καὶ οἱ τὰ μέγιστα παρ' ἡμῶν πιστευθέντες, οὓς ᾐσθανόμεθα μετὰ τῶν ἀνθρώπων ὁρῶντες ὡς μεῖζόν τι ὄντας ἢ κατὰ ἄνθρωπον, οὗτοι κατεδέξαντο συγγράμματά τινος τὰ ὁποῖα δήποτε ὡς ἡμέτερα παραπέμπειν καὶ ἐπ' αὐτοῖς διαβάλλειν ταῖς ἀδελφότησιν, ὡς μηδὲν λοιπὸν τοῦ ἡμετέρου ὀνόματος φευκτότερον εἶναι τοῖς εὐλαβέσι. Τὸ γὰρ ἀγνοηθῆναι γενόμενος ἐξ ἀρχῆς ἐπιτηδεύσας, ὡς οὐκ οἶδα εἴ τις ἄλλος τῶν ἐπεσκεμμένων τὴν ἀνθρωπίνην ἀσθένειαν, νῦν, καθάπερ τὸ ἐναντίον προελόμενος πᾶσιν ἀνθρώποις γνώριμον ἐμαυτὸν καταστῆσαι, οὕτω πανταχοῦ γῆς, προσθήσω δὲ ὅτι καὶ θαλάσσης, διατεθρύλημαι. Οἵ τε γὰρ τὸν ἔσχατον ὅρον τῆς ἀσεβείας ἐπιτηδεύοντες καὶ τὸ ἄθεον τῆς ἀνομοιότητος δόγμα ταῖς Ἐκκλησίαις ἐπάγοντες πρὸς ἐμὲ τὸν πόλεμον ἔχουσιν. Οἵ τε τὴν μέσην ἐλαύνοντες, ὡς οἴονται, καὶ ἀπὸ μὲν τῶν αὐτῶν ἀρχῶν ἐκείνων ὡρμημένοι, τῇ δὲ τῶν λογισμῶν ἀκολουθίᾳ μὴ ἐφιέντες, διὰ τὸ ὑπεναντίον ταῖς ἀκοαῖς τῶν πολλῶν, ἡμᾶς δυσχεραίνουσι καὶ πλύνουσι μὲν ταῖς λοιδορίαις ἐφ' ὅσον δύνανται, οὐδεμιᾶς δὲ ἀπέχονται τῆς ἐπιβουλῆς, εἰ καὶ ὅτι ὁ Κύριος ἀπράκτους αὐτῶν τὰς ἐγχειρήσεις ἐποίησε. Ταῦτα πῶς οὐ λυπηρά; Πῶς οὐχὶ ὀδυνηράν μοι τὴν ζωὴν κατασκευάζοντα; Ὅς γε μίαν τίθεμαι τῶν κακῶν παραμυθίαν τὴν ἀσθένειαν τῆς σαρκός, ὑφ' ἧς πέπεισμαι μὴ πολὺν χρόνον παραμένειν τῇ δυστήνῳ ταύτῃ ζωῇ. Καὶ ταῦτα μὲν εἰς τοσοῦτον. Σὲ δὲ ἐπὶ τοῖς πάθεσι τοῦ σώματος παρακαλῶ μεγαλοφυῶς καὶ ἀξίως τοῦ καλέσαντος ἡμᾶς Θεοῦ διακεῖσθαι: ὅς, ἐὰν ἴδῃ ἡμᾶς μετ' εὐχαριστίας δεξαμένους τὰ παρόντα, ἢ ἐπανήσει τὰ λυποῦντα, ὡς ἐπὶ τοῦ Ἰώβ, ἢ τοῖς μεγάλοις στεφάνοις τῆς ὑπομονῆς ἀμείψεται ἐν τῇ μετὰ ταύτην τὴν ζωὴν ἡμῶν καταστάσει.