228

and with amazement, tears with much compunction, burning the thickness of the flesh, the gloom of the head, so that a smell of these things arose as if burned in fire, a smell of flesh, indeed, coming from it, as you know. But the evils after these things and the distress, as much as you endured then, you have surely forgotten. But I know, the God who knows all things, the faith, the humility towards your father and the complete denial of your own will, which is counted to me as martyrdom and is so. For he who does not have his own will by all means dies, but he is found in my will and indeed lives. Therefore, with you being thus and he compelling me, who am good by nature, with his tears each day, I began to appear to you more often, as you know, little by little purifying your soul by repentance and burning up the stored-up materials of the passions, not carnal, not material, but immaterial thorns like clouds, gloom like a thick mist, and fog and darkness, that is, as you were made thin by fasting and by the labors of vigil, of prayer, of all hardship, and being continually washed by hot tears in prayer, in food, and even more in drink, and with difficulty I made you a receptive vessel, and not only receptive, but also purified, able to remain in the midst of fire unburned—pay attention! Therefore, having made you such, that light which you then saw flying about in you and encircling you (403) entered wholly within you, though being by nature unapproachable, and in a strange way it changed you with a good change. Therefore this, if you do not serve me with all your works, but admit a small thought in your heart or aversion towards someone, with or without reason, and moreover an assault of a word or an evil thought, if you do not repent fervently with tears and banish these things from yourself by repentance, but also every evil thought of the heart, it is not its nature to remain; for it is the Divine Spirit, with Me and with the Father as consubstantial with me, but it secretly flies away suddenly, like the sun setting, and having been hidden as in the twinkling of an eye, it is not seen. How then will it exist in a soul that has not been purified at all, that has never come to a consciousness of repentance? Or how could a soul full of the thorns of passions and sin bear the nature of unendurable fire, how could it contain the substance that is in every way uncontainable, how, being darkness, could it be mingled with the unapproachable light and not be annihilated by its presence? It is not, child, in any way at all possible!

228

καί τῇ ἐκπλήξει δάκρυα σύν πολλῇ κατανύξει, φλέγων τό πάχος τῆς σαρκός, τῆς κεφαλῆς τόν ζόφον, ὡς καί καέντος ἐν πυρί ὀσμήν γενέσθαι τούτων κρέατος τοίνυν ἐξ αὐτῆς γενομένην, ὡς οἶδας. Τά μετά ταῦτα δέ κακά καί τήν στενοχωρίαν, ὅσην τότε ὑπέμεινας, σύ πάντως ἐπελάθου. Ἀλλ᾿ οὖν ἐγώ ἐπίσταμαι, ὁ εἰδώς Θεόν πάντα, τήν πίστιν, τήν ταπείνωσιν τήν εἰς τόν σόν πατέρα καί τοῦ θελήματος τοῦ σοῦ τήν ἄρνησιν εἰς ἅπαν, ὅπερ μαρτύριον ἐμοί λογίζεται καί ἔστιν. Ὁ γάρ μή ἔχων θέλημα ἴδιον πάντως θνῄσκει, ἐν τῷ ἐμῷ δ᾿ εὑρίσκεται θελήματι καί ζῇ γάρ. Μόλις οὖν οὕτως ὄντος σου κἀκείνου καθ᾿ ἑκάστην βιάζοντος τοῖς δάκρυσι τόν ἀγαθόν με φύσει, συχνότερόν σοι φαίνεσθαι ἠρξάμην, ὥσπερ οἶδας, κατά μικρόν σου τήν ψυχήν καθαίρων μετανοίᾳ καί καταφλέγων τῶν παθῶν ἀποκειμένας ὕλας, οὐ σαρκικάς, οὐχ ὑλικάς, ἀλλ᾿ ἀΰλους ἀκάνθας ὡς νέφη, ζόφον ὡς παχύν, ὁμίχλην τε καί σκότος, νηστείᾳ λεπτυνθέντος σου δηλαδή καί τοῖς πόνοις τῆς ἀγρυπνίας, τῆς εὐχῆς, πάσης κακοπαθείας, καί ἀενάως δάκρυσι θερμοῖς ἐκπλυνομένου ἐν τῇ εὐχῇ, ἐν τῇ τροφῇ, ἐν τῷ ποτῷ δέ μᾶλλον, καί μόλις σε χωρητικόν ἀπειργασάμην σκεῦος, οὐ μόνον δέ χωρητικόν, ἀλλά κεκαθαρμένον, πυρός ἐν μέσῳ μένειν τε ἀκατάφλεκτον πρόσεχε! Τοιοῦτον οὖν ποιήσας σε, ὅπερ ἑώρας τότε περιπετόμενον ἐν σοί φῶς καί περικυκλοῦν σε (403) εἰσῆλθεν ὅλον ἐντός σου ἀπρόσιτον ὄν φύσει καί τήν καλήν ἀλλοίωσιν ξένως ἠλλοίωσέ σε. Τοῦτο οὖν, εἰ μή ἅπασιν ἔργοις με θεραπεύεις, ἀλλά μικρόν εἰσδέξῃ λογισμόν ἐν καρδίᾳ ἤ ἀηδίαν πρός τινα εὐλόγως ἤ ἀλόγως, πρός δέ καί λόγου προσβολήν ἤ πονηρᾶς ἐννοίας εἰ μή μετανοήσειας θερμῶς μετά δακρύων καί ἐξορίσεις ἀπό σοῦ ταῦτα τῇ μετανοίᾳ, ἀλλά καί πᾶσαν πονηράν ἐνθύμησιν καρδίας, οὐ παραμένειν πέφυκε˙ Πνεῦμα γάρ ἐστι Θεῖον, ἐμοί συνόν καί τῷ Πατρί ὡς ὁμοούσιόν μοι, λάθρα δ᾿ αἴφνης ἀφίπταται, ὡς ἥλιος εἰσδύσας, καί κρυβηθέν ὡς ἐν ῥιπῇ ὀφθαλμοῦ, οὐχ ὁρᾶται. Πῶς οὖν ὑπάρξει ἐν ψυχῇ μηδ᾿ ὅλως καθαρθείσῃ, μή εἰς συναίσθησίν ποτε ἐλθούσῃ μετανοίας; Ἤ πῶς καί ὑπενέγκοιτο πυρός ἀστέκτου φύσιν ἀκάνθας γέμουσα παθῶν ψυχή καί ἁμαρτίας, οὐσίαν πῶς χωρήσειεν ἀχώρητον εἰς ἅπαν, πῶς σκότος οὖσα συγκραθῇ φωτί τό ἀπροσίτῳ καί μή ἀφανισθήσεται αὐτοῦ τῇ παρουσίᾳ; Οὐκ ἔστι, τέκνον, οὐδαμῶς δυνατόν ὅλως τοῦτο!