1

De vita sua

ON HIS OWN LIFE The purpose of this work is to recount the course of my misfortunes, or if you will, my successes; for some would say the one, others the other, according as, I think, their own inclinations lie. For one's wish is not a safe criterion. Verse is a playful remedy for sorrow, a lesson and a sweetness for the young at once, a pleasant comfort. But my words are to you, who were once of us, but now are strangers, both those who agree with us, and any who are spurious; for all are kind to us when we are silent. Men, the renowned eye of the world, you who inhabit, as I see, a second universe, clothed in the beauty of land and sea, a new Rome, a seat of other noble men, the city of Constantine and pillar of his power, listen, men, to a most truthful man, who has toiled much in many turnings of fortune, from which he has also come to know more. All things are weary; even beautiful things have grown weary with time. Nothing but a scant remnant is left, as when the earth is swept by a rush of violent rains, only pebbles are what remain. Nothing is yet great, if I speak of the many, who were not even before in the rank of the good, beast-like and bent downwards. But we are a terrible and rugged torrent-bed; our system is dissolved, I speak of a dirge, we who sit unworthily on high thrones, presidents of the people, teachers of what is good, having been allotted to feed souls with divine food, but ourselves starving; physicians of passions, dead men teeming with abundant diseases; guides of perhaps precipitous paths, which they have never guided nor traveled; for whom not to follow is the most concise maxim and most well-aimed teaching of salvation; whose gait is an accuser of their character, a lattice separating not lives, but eyebrows.

But why I was induced to commit these things to writing—for I do not like to declaim much in vain—let everyone hear, both those now and those hereafter. It is necessary to speak from a little further back of my circumstances, even if I must speak at length, so that false reports may not prevail against me. For the wicked love to turn the blame for the evil they do upon their victims, so that they may do even more harm with their lies, and absolve themselves of the charges. Let this be the preface to my account. I had a father, very noble and good, old, simple in manner, a rule of life, a true patriarch, a second Abraham, being, not seeming, excellent, not in the modern way; formerly of the error, but later a friend of Christ, then a shepherd, the strength of shepherds. And my mother, to speak briefly, was a worthy spouse for so great a man and a well-balanced talent, of pious stock, but even more pious, female in body, but in character beyond a man; both were a common talk for their life equally. By what is this clear? How shall I prove my words? I shall bring her herself as witness of what I have said, she who bore me, a mouth of truth, more accustomed to hide what was manifest than to boast of what was unseen for the sake of glory. For fear led her, which is a great teacher. She, desiring to see the birth of a male child in her house, a thing dear to many, conversed with God and begged to obtain her desire. And since she was unrestrainable in her mind, she gives as a gift the very one she asked to receive, her eagerness outstripping the giving. And so she did not fail in her dear prayer, but a favorable prelude came to her, a vision bearing a shadow of the things she asked for. For my form clearly appeared, and my name; and the grace of the night was the deed. For I am born to them, if worthy of their prayer, the gift of God who gave; but if abominable, the fruit of my own sin. Thus then I came into this life, mixed with clay—alas, wretched me—and with a composition, by which we are either ruled, or which we rule with difficulty; yet receiving my very birth as a most beautiful pledge of everything;

1

De vita sua

ΕΙΣ ΤΟΝ ΕΑΥΤΟΥ ΒΙΟΝ Τὸ τοῦ λόγου βούλημα, τῶν ἐμῶν κακῶν ἐξιστορῆσαι τὴν ὁδόν, εἴτ' οὖν δεξιῶν· οἱ μὲν γὰρ οὕτως, οἱ δ' ἐκείνως φαῖεν ἄν, ὅπως ἄν, οἶμαι, καὶ ῥοπῆς ὦσίν τινες. οὐ γὰρ τὸ βούλεσθ' ἀσφαλὲς κριτήριον. παίζει δὲ μέτρον τῆς ἀνίας φάρμακον, παίδευμα καὶ γλύκασμα τοῖς νέοις ἅμα, τερπνὸν παρηγόρημα. πρὸς δ' ὑμᾶς λόγος, τοὺς ἦν ὅθ' ἡμῶν, ἀλλὰ νῦν ἀλλοτρίους, ὅσοι τε ὁμοδοξοῦντες, εἴτε τις νόθος· πάντες γὰρ ἡμῖν εὐμενεῖς μεμυκόσιν. ἄνδρες, τὸ κλεινὸν ὄμμα τῆς οἰκουμένης, οἳ κόσμον οἰκεῖθ', ὡς ὁρῶ, τὸν δεύτερον, γῆς καὶ θαλάσσης κάλλος ἠμφιεσμένοι, Ῥώμη νεουργής, εὐγενῶν ἄλλων ἕδος, Κωνσταντίνου πόλις τε καὶ στήλη κράτους, ἀκούσατ', ἄνδρες, ἀνδρὸς ἀψευδεστάτου καὶ πολλὰ μοχθήσαντος ἐν πολλαῖς στροφαῖς, ἐξ ὧν ὑπάρχει καὶ τὸ γιγνώσκειν πλέον. Κέκμηκε πάντα· καὶ τὰ καλὰ τῷ χρόνῳ κέκμηκεν. οὐδὲν ἢ στενὸν τὸ λείψανον, ὡς γῆς συρείσης ὑετῶν λάβρων φορᾷ κάχληκές εἰσιν οἱ λελειμμένοι μόνον. οὔπω μέγ' οὐδέν, εἰ τὰ τῶν πολλῶν λέγω, οἳ μηδὲ τὸ πρὶν ἦσαν ἐν τάξει καλῶν, βοσκηματώδεις καὶ κάτω νενευκότες. ἡμεῖς δ' ὁ δεινὸς καὶ τραχὺς χαραδρεών· ἡμῶν τὸ σύστημ' ἔκλυτον, θρηνῶν λέγω, ὅσοι καθήμεθ' οὐ καλῶς ὑψίθρονοι, λαοῦ πρόεδροι, τοῦ καλοῦ διδάσκαλοι, ψυχὰς τρέφειν λαχόντες ἐνθέῳ τροφῇ, αὐτοὶ δὲ λιμώττοντες· ἰατροὶ παθῶν, νεκροὶ βρύοντες ἀφθόνοις νοσήμασιν· τρίβων ὁδηγοὶ τῶν ἐπικρήμνων ἴσως, ἃς οὔποθ' ὡδήγησαν οὔθ' ὡδεύκασιν· οἷς μηδ' ἕπεσθαι δόγμα συντομώτατον σωτηρίας δίδαγμά τ' εὐστοχώτατον· ὅσων τὸ βῆμα τοῦ τρόπου κατήγορον, κιγκλὶς διείργουσ' οὐ βίους, ἀλλ' ὀφρύας.

Ἐξ ὧν δ' ὑπήχθην ταῦτα δοῦναι τῷ λόγῳ -οὐ γὰρ φίλον μοι πολλὰ ῥαψῳδεῖν μάτην-, ἀκουσάτω πᾶς, οἵ τε νῦν οἵ θ' ὕστερον. μικρὸν δ' ἄνωθεν τὰς ἐμὰς περιστάσεις εἰπεῖν ἀνάγκη, κἂν δέῃ μακρηγορεῖν, τοῦ μὴ καθ' ἡμῶν ἰσχύσαι ψευδεῖς λόγους. οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ φιλοῦσιν, ὧν δρῶσιν κακῶς, εἰς τοὺς παθόντας περιτρέπειν τὰς αἰτίας, ὡς ἂν κακῶσι καὶ πλέον τοῖς ψεύσμασιν, αὑτοὺς δ' ὑπεκλύσωσι τῶν ἐγκλημάτων. ἔστω δὲ τοῦτο τοῦ λόγου προοίμιον. Ἦν μοι πατὴρ καλός τε κἀγαθὸς σφόδρα, γηραιός, ἁπλοῦς τὸν τρόπον, στάθμη βίου, πάτραρχος ὄντως, Ἀβραάμ τις δεύτερος, ὤν, οὐ δοκῶν, ἄριστος, οὐ τὸν νῦν τρόπον· πλάνης τὸ πρόσθεν, ὕστερον Χριστοῦ φίλος, ἔπειτα ποιμήν, ποιμένων ὅ τι κράτος. μήτηρ θ', ἵν' εἴπω συντόμως, ὁμόζυγος ἀνδρὸς τοσούτου καὶ τάλαντον ἀρρεπές, ἐξ εὐσεβῶν τὸ πρόσθεν εὐσεβεστέρα, θῆλυς τὸ σῶμα, τὸν τρόπον δ' ἀνδρὸς πέρα· ἄμφω λάλημα κοινὸν ἐξ ἴσου βίῳ. τῷ τοῦτο δῆλον; πῶς τεκμηριῶ λόγον; αὐτὴν ἐπάξομ', ὧνπερ εἶπον, μάρτυρα, ἐμὴν τεκοῦσαν, τῆς ἀληθείας στόμα, κρῦψαί τι μᾶλλον τῶν φανερῶν εἰθισμένην ἢ τῶν ἀδήλων κομπάσαι δόξης χάριν. φόβος γὰρ ἦγεν, ὃς μέγας διδάσκαλος. Αὕτη ποθοῦσα παιδὸς ἄρρενος γόνον ἰδεῖν ἐν οἴκῳ, πρᾶγμα ὂν πολλοῖς φίλον, θεῷ προσωμίλησε καὶ δεῖται πόθου τυχεῖν. ἐπεὶ δ' ἦν δυσκάθεκτος τὴν φρένα, δῶρον δίδωσιν, ὅνπερ ἠξίου λαβεῖν, καὶ τὴν δόσιν φθάνουσα τῇ προθυμίᾳ. καὶ τοίνυν εὐχῆς οὐχ ἁμαρτάνει φίλης, ἀλλ' ἧκεν αὐτῇ δεξιὸν προοίμιον ὄψις σκιὰν φέρουσα τῶν αἰτουμένων. ἐμὸν γὰρ εἶδος ἐμφανῶς παρίσταται καὶ κλῆσις· ἠδ' ἦν ἔργον ἡ νυκτὸς χάρις. ἐγὼ γὰρ αὐτοῖς γίνομ', εἰ μὲν ἄξιος εὐχῆς, τὸ δῶρον τοῦ δεδωκότος θεοῦ· εἰ δ' οὖν ἀπευκτός, τῆς ἐμῆς ἁμαρτίας. Οὕτω μὲν οὖν παρῆλθον εἰς τοῦτον βίον, πηλῷ κερασθείς-φεῦ τάλας-καὶ συνθέσει, ὑφ' ὧν κρατούμεθ' ἢ κρατοῦμεν ὧν μόγις· πλὴν παντὸς ἀρραβῶνα καλλίστου λαβών τὴν γένεσιν αὐτήν·