1

De non iterando conjugio

ON HAVING ONE HUSBAND

For those inexperienced in the company of men and birth pangs and all the other things which marriage, dragging along, brings into people's houses, to seek husbands is no wonder; for indeed the proverb says that war, a thing so laborious, is sweet to the inexperienced; but for those who have endured countless evils, and have often been persuaded by the necessity of their situation to pronounce blessed those freed from the affairs of the world, and to curse themselves countless times, and their matchmakers, and the day on which their bridal chambers were woven—for these same women, after so much vexation, to desire the same things again, this is what most astonishes me and makes me perplexed, and makes me seek the reason why the things which they previously thought were to be avoided when they were in them, these they now pursue again as desirable, when they have been freed from them. And turning countless reasonings up and down within myself, with difficulty at last, as I persuade myself, I found the reason for the matter; or rather, it is not just one, nor only two, but even more than these. For some, having consigned their former troubles to oblivion through the length of time and remembering only what is at hand, come to marriage as to a release from the evils of widowhood, but find in it other evils far more grievous, so that they utter the same cries again as they did before. Others again, gaping at the things of the world, and hanging on the glory of this present life, and considering widowhood a thing of reproach, choose the hardships in marriage for the sake of empty glory and excessive pride. And there are some who for none of these reasons, but overcome by incontinence alone, return again to their former state and try to hide the real reason with the aforementioned pretexts. Therefore, to accuse them and condemn them for this marriage, I neither dare to do myself, nor do I advise another to, since this does not seem right even to the blessed Paul, or rather, to the Holy Spirit. For after saying, “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband falls asleep, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord,” and having permitted the widow to marry again if she wished, and having said, “But she is more blessed if she remains as she is,” lest anyone should think the command was human, he added, “and I think I also have the Spirit of God,” showing that he wrote these things by the Spirit. Therefore let no one think that I, in saying what I am about to say now, am accusing or blaming those who marry. For it would be the utmost recklessness and madness for us, who are filled with countless evils, to condemn unsparingly and in opposition those whom that blessed one did not punish, but spared. For if we are commanded not even to judge, that we may not be judged with the same measure, nor to be harsh judges of the sins of others, but forgiving and gentle, whenever you busy yourself with this matter and condemn others, you deprive yourself of all forgiveness, preparing the judge to be harsher toward you through your actions toward your neighbor. Therefore I have not now come to this for the purpose of accusing or attacking; for that which can be done in the Lord is free from all accusation. “For only,” he says, “in the Lord.” But just as when we speak in favor of virginity, we do not exalt it by dishonoring marriage; so when we discourse concerning widowhood, we exhort women to be content with their first marriage, not by placing a second marriage among forbidden things, but we confess that this second marriage is also according to the law, yet that one is much better than a second.

1

De non iterando conjugio

ΠΕΡΙ ΜΟΝΑΝ∆ΡΙΑΣ

Τὸ μὲν τὰς ἀπείρους ὁμιλίας ἀνδρῶν καὶ ὠδίνων καὶ τῶν ἄλλων ἁπάντων, ἅπερ ἐπισυρόμενος ὁ γάμος εἰς τὰς τῶν ἀνθρώπων εἰσέρχεται οἰκίας, ἄνδρας ἐπιζητεῖν θαυμαστὸν οὐδέν· καὶ γὰρ τὸν πόλεμον πρᾶγμα οὕτως ἐπίπονον τοῖς ἀπείροις γλυκὺν ἡ παροιμία εἶναί φησι· τὸ δὲ τὰς μυρία ἀνασχομένας κακά, πολλάκις δὲ ὑπὸ τῆς τῶν πραγμάτων ἀνάγκης ἀναπεισθείσας, μακαρίσαι μὲν τὰς ἀπηλλαγμένας τῶν τοῦ κόσμου πραγμάτων, ἐπαρᾶσθαι δὲ μυριάκις ἑαυταῖς καὶ ταῖς προμνηστευτρίαις καὶ τῇ ἡμέρᾳ καθ' ἣν αἱ παστάδες ἐπλέκοντο, ταύτας δὲ μετὰ τοσαύτην ἀποδυσπέτησιν πάλιν τῶν αὐτῶν πραγμάτων ἐπιθυμεῖν, τοῦτό ἐστι τὸ μάλιστά με ἐκπλῆττον καὶ ποιοῦν ἀπορεῖν, καὶ τὴν αἰτίαν ἐπιζητεῖν δι' ἣν τὰ πράγματα, ἃ πρότερον ἐνόμιζον εἶναι φευκτά, ὅτε ἦσαν ἐν αὐτοῖς, ταῦτα νῦν, ὅτε αὐτῶν ἀπηλλάγησαν, ὡς ποθεινὰ πάλιν διώκειν. Καὶ μυρίους ἄνω καὶ κάτω στρέφων παρ' ἐμαυτῷ λογισμοὺς μόλις ποτέ, ὡς ἐμαυτὸν πείθω, τὴν αἰτίαν τοῦ πράγματος εὕρισκον· μᾶλλον δὲ οὐ μία τίς ἐστιν, οὐδὲ δύο μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ τούτων πλείους. Αἱ μὲν γὰρ ὑπὸ τοῦ πολλοῦ χρόνου λήθῃ παραδοῦσαι τὰ πρότερα καὶ τὰ ἐν χερσὶ μνημονεύουσαι μόνον, ἔρχονται μὲν ἐπὶ τὸν γάμον ὡς ἐπὶ λύσιν τῶν τῆς χηρείας κακῶν, εὑρίσκουσι δὲ ἕτερα πολλῷ χαλεπώτερα ἐν αὐτῷ, ὡς πάλιν τὰς αὐτὰς ἀφιέναι φωνὰς ἅσπερ καὶ πρότερον. Ἄλλαι δὲ πάλιν πρὸς τὰ τοῦ κόσμου κεχηνυῖαι πράγματα, καὶ τῆς δόξης τοῦ παρόντος ἐκκρεμάμεναι βίου, καὶ τὴν χηρείαν ἐπονείδιστον πρᾶγμα εἶναι νομίζουσαι, αἱροῦνται τὰς ἐν τῷ γάμῳ ταλαιπωρίας ὑπὲρ τῆς δόξης τῆς κενῆς καὶ τοῦ τύφου τοῦ περιττοῦ. Εἰσὶ δὲ αἳ τούτων μὲν οὐδενί, ἀκρασίᾳ δὲ μόνῃ κρατούμεναι, ἐπὶ τὰ πρότερα πάλιν ἐπανέρχονται καὶ τὴν ὄντως αἰτίαν πειρῶνται ταῖς εἰρημέναις ἀποκρύπτειν προφάσεσιν. Αἰτιάσασθαι μὲν οὖν αὐτὰς καὶ καταδικάσαι ὑπὲρ τοῦ γάμου τούτου οὔτε αὐτὸς τολμῶ οὔτε ἄλλῳ παραινῶ, ἐπειδὴ μηδὲ τῷ μακαρίῳ Παύλῳ τοῦτο δοκεῖ, μᾶλλον δὲ τῷ Πνεύματι τῷ ἁγίῳ. Εἰπὼν γάρ· «Γυνὴ δέδεται νόμῳ ἐφ' ὅσον χρόνον ζῇ ὁ ἀνὴρ αὐτῆς· ἐὰν δὲ κοιμηθῇ ὁ ἀνὴρ αὐτῆς, ἐλευθέρα ἐστὶν ᾧ θέλει γαμηθῆναι, μόνον ἐν Κυρίῳ», καὶ συγχωρήσας τῇ χήρᾳ εἰ βούλοιτο γαμηθῆναι πάλιν, καὶ εἰπών· «Μακαριωτέρα δέ ἐστιν, ἐὰν οὕτως μείνῃ», ἵνα μή τις νομίσῃ ἀνθρώπινον εἶναι τὸ ἐπίταγμα, ἐπήγαγε· «∆οκῶ δὲ κἀγὼ Πνεῦμα Θεοῦ ἔχειν», δηλῶν ὅτι Πνεύματι ταῦτα ἔγραψε. Μὴ τοίνυν ἐγκαλοῦντα ταῖς γαμουμέναις ἢ μεμφόμενον νομιζέτω μέ τις λέγειν ταῦτα ἅπερ ἐρῶ νῦν. Καὶ γὰρ ἂν εἴη τῆς ἐσχάτης ἀπονοίας τε καὶ μανίας ἃς οὐκ ἐκόλασεν ὁ μακάριος ἐκεῖνος, ἀλλ' ἐφείσατο, ταύτας ἡμᾶς καταδικάζειν ἀφειδῶς ἐξ ἐναντίας, καὶ ταῦτα μυρίων ἐμπεπλησμένους κακῶν. Εἰ γὰρ μηδὲ κρίνειν κελευόμεθα, ἵνα μὴ τῷ αὐτῷ μέτρῳ κριθῶμεν, μηδὲ σφοδροὶ τῶν ἑτέροις ἁμαρτανομένων γίνεσθαι δικασταί, ἀλλὰ συγγνωμονικοὶ καὶ ἥμεροι, ὅταν πράγματι σχολάζῃς καὶ κατακρίνῃς ἑτέρους, πάσης ἀποστερεῖς σεαυτὸν συγγνώμης, διὰ τῶν εἰς τὸν πλησίον σφοδρότερον σαυτῷ γίνεσθαι παρασκευάζων τὸν κριτήν. Οὐ τοίνυν κατηγορῶν οὐδὲ καθαπτόμενος ἐπὶ τοῦτο ἦλθον νῦν· τὸ γὰρ ἐν Κυρίῳ γενέσθαι δυνά μενον πάσης κατηγορίας ἀπήλλακται. «Μόνον γάρ, φησίν, ἐν Κυρίῳ.» Ἀλλ' ὥσπερ ὅταν ὑπὲρ παρθενίας λέγωμεν, οὐ τὸν γάμον ἀτιμάζοντες ἐκείνην ἐπαίρομεν· οὕτως ὅταν περὶ χηρείας διαλεγώμεθα, οὐ τὸν δεύτερον γάμον ἐν τοῖς ἀπειρημένοις τιθέντες τῷ προτέρῳ στέργειν παρακαλοῦμεν, ἀλλ' ὁμολογοῦμεν μὲν καὶ τοῦτον εἶναι κατὰ νόμον τὸν δεύτερον, πολλῷ δὲ τὸν ἕνα τοῦ δευτέρου βελτίονα.