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De paenitentia

A DISCOURSE ON REPENTANCE 49.277 On returning from his estate.

Homily 1. 1. Did you remember us, when for this time between we were separated from you? For I was never able to forget you, but even having left the city, I did not leave the memory of you; but just as those who love beautiful bodies, wherever they may go, carry with them the desired image, so indeed we too, having fallen in love with the beauty of your soul, always carry with us the comeliness of your mind. And just as painters, blending various colors, create images of bodies, so we also, having blended your earnestness in the assemblies, your eagerness for the hearing, your goodwill toward the speaker, and all your other right actions, like various colors of virtue, and having sketched the character of your soul, and placing it before the eyes of our mind, we received sufficient consolation for our absence through this image. And these things, both sitting at home and rising up, and traveling and resting, and going in and going out, we continually pondered, dreaming of your love; and not only in the day, but also at night we took delight in these images. And what Solomon said, *I sleep, but my heart is awake*; this we also then experienced. For the necessity of sleep closed our eyelids; but the tyranny of your love kept awake the eyes of our mind; and often I seemed to converse with you in a dream. For the soul is naturally disposed to imagine at night those things which it considers during the day; which indeed was happening in our case then; and not seeing you with the eyes of the flesh, I saw you with the eyes of love, and though not present with you in body, I was present with you in disposition, and my ears were always ringing with your acclamation. For this reason, although the illness of my body compelled me to remain there longer, and to enjoy the benefit of the air for the health of my flesh, the force of your love did not endure this, but cried out against it, and did not cease troubling me, until it persuaded me to set out even before the proper time, and advised me to consider your company to be health and delight and every good thing whatsoever. And having been persuaded by this, we chose rather to return while still having the remains of the illness, than to grieve your love any longer by completely putting aside the body's weakness. For while staying there I heard your complaints, and continual letters brought these to us; for I paid attention to those who complained no less than to those who 49.278 praised; for those reproaches were from a soul that knew how to love. And for these reasons I rose up and ran; for these reasons I was never able to cast you out of my mind. And what wonder is it if I, while staying in the country and enjoying leisure, remembered your love, when Paul, bound in chains, and dwelling in a prison, and seeing countless dangers hanging over him, as if living in the prison as in a meadow, so remembered the brethren, and writing said: *As it is right for me to feel this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart, both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the Gospel*? A chain from without from his enemies, and a chain from within of the love of the

1

De paenitentia

ΛΟΓΟΣ ΠΕΡΙ ΜΕΤΑΝΟΙΑΣ 49.277 Ἐξ ἀγροῦ αὐτοῦ ἐπανελθόντος.

Ὁμιλία αʹ. αʹ. Ἆρα ἐμέμνησθε ἡμῶν, ἡνίκα τὸν μεταξὺ τοῦτον ἐχωρίσθημεν χρόνον ὑμῶν; Ἐγὼ μὲν γὰρ ὑμῶν οὐδέποτε ἠδυνήθην ἐπιλαθέσθαι, ἀλλὰ καὶ τὴν πόλιν ἀφεὶς, τὴν ὑμετέραν οὐκ ἀφῆκα μνήμην· ἀλλ' ὥσπερ οἱ τῶν λαμπρῶν ἐρῶντες σωμάτων, ὅπουπερ ἂν ἀπίωσι, μεθ' ἑαυτῶν τὴν ποθουμένην περιφέρουσιν ὄψιν, οὕτω δὴ καὶ ἡμεῖς τοῦ κάλλους τῆς ὑμετέρας ψυχῆς ἐρασθέντες, ἀεὶ μεθ' ἑαυτῶν τὴν εὐμορφίαν τῆς ὑμετέρας περιφέρομεν διανοίας. Καὶ καθάπερ οἱ ζωγράφοι, ποικίλα χρώματα κεραννύντες, τὰς τῶν σωμάτων εἰκόνας ἐργάζονται, οὕτω καὶ ἡμεῖς τὴν σπουδὴν ὑμῶν τὴν ἐν ταῖς συνάξεσι, τὴν προθυμίαν τὴν περὶ τὴν ἀκρόασιν, τὴν εὔνοιαν τὴν περὶ τὸν λέγοντα, τὰ ἄλλα πάντα κατορθώματα καθάπερ ποικίλα χρώματα ἀρετῆς κεράσαντες, καὶ τὸν χαρακτῆρα τῆς ψυχῆς ὑμῶν ὑπογράψαντες, καὶ πρὸ τῶν ὀφθαλμῶν τῆς διανοίας θέντες, ἱκανὴν διὰ τῆς φαντασίας ταύτης ἐλαμβάνομεν τῆς ἀποδημίας παραμυθίαν. Καὶ ταῦτα, καὶ οἴκοι καθήμενοι καὶ διανιστάμενοι, καὶ ὁδοιποροῦντες καὶ ἀναπαυόμενοι, καὶ εἰσιόντες καὶ ἐξιόντες, ἐστρέφομεν συνεχῶς, τὴν ὑμετέραν ὀνειροπολοῦντες ἀγάπην· καὶ οὐκ ἐν ἡμέρᾳ μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἐν νυκτὶ ταύταις ἐνετρυφῶμεν ταῖς φαντασίαις. Καὶ ὅπερ ὁ Σολομὼν ἔφη, Ἐγὼ καθεύδω καὶ ἡ καρδία μου ἀγρυπνεῖ· τοῦτο καὶ ἡμεῖς τότε ἐπάσχομεν. Ἡ μὲν γὰρ ἀνάγκη τοῦ ὕπνου κατέστελλεν ἡμῶν τὰ βλέφαρα· ἡ δὲ τῆς ἀγάπης τῆς ὑμετέρας τυραννὶς ἀφύπνιζε τοὺς τῆς διανοίας ἡμῶν ὀφθαλμούς· καὶ πολλάκις ὑμῖν ὄναρ διαλέγεσθαι ἐδόκουν. Καὶ γὰρ πέφυκεν ἡ ψυχὴ ταῦτα φαντάζεσθαι νύκτωρ, ἅπερ ἂν μεθ' ἡμέραν λογίζηται· ὅπερ οὖν καὶ ἐφ' ἡμῶν τότε συνέβαινε· καὶ οὐχ ὁρῶν ὑμᾶς τοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς τῆς σαρκὸς, ἑώρων ὑμᾶς τῆς ἀγάπης τοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς, καὶ μὴ παρὼν ὑμῖν τῷ σώματι, παρήμην ὑμῖν τῇ διαθέσει, καί μοι τὰ ὦτα ἀεὶ ὑπὸ τῆς ὑμετέρας περιηχεῖτο κραυγῆς. ∆ιὰ τοῦτο καὶ τῆς τοῦ σώματος ἀῤῥωστίας ἐπὶ πλέον ἐκεῖ διατρίβειν ἀναγκαζούσης, καὶ τῆς τοῦ ἀέρος ὠφελείας εἰς τὴν τῆς σαρκὸς ἀπολαύειν ὑγίειαν, ἡ τῆς ἀγάπης βία τῆς ὑμετέρας οὐκ ἠνέσχετο τοῦτο, ἀλλὰ κατεβόησε, καὶ οὐ πρότερον ἀπέστη διενοχλοῦσα, ἕως ἡμᾶς καὶ πρὸ τῆς προσηκούσης ὥρας ἀναστῆναι ἔπεισε, καὶ ὑγίειαν καὶ τέρψιν καὶ πᾶν ὁτιοῦν ἀγαθὸν τὴν ὑμετέραν ἡγήσασθαι συνεβούλευσε συνουσίαν. Ταύτῃ δὲ πεισθέντες ἡμεῖς, εἱλόμεθα μᾶλλον ἔχοντες ἔτι τὰ λείψανα τῆς ἀῤῥωστίας ἐπανελθεῖν, ἢ καθαρῶς ἀποθέμενοι τὴν τοῦ σώματος ἀσθένειαν, ἐπὶ πλέον λυπῆσαι τὴν ὑμετέραν ἀγάπην. Καὶ γὰρ ἐκεῖ διατρίβων ἤκουον ὑμῶν τὰ ἐγκλήματα, καὶ συνεχεῖς ἐπιστολαὶ ταῦτα ἡμῖν διεκόμιζον· καὶ γὰρ προσεῖχον τοῖς ἐγκαλοῦσιν οὐχ ἧττον, ἢ τοῖς ἐγ49.278 κωμιάζουσι· ψυχῆς γὰρ εἰδυίας φιλεῖν ἦσαν αἱ μέμψεις ἐκεῖναι. Καὶ διὰ ταῦτα ἀναστὰς ἔδραμον· διὰ ταῦτα οὐδέποτε ὑμᾶς τῆς διανοίας ἠδυνήθην ἐκβαλεῖν τῆς ἐμῆς. Καὶ τί θαυμαστὸν εἰ ἐν ἀγρῷ διατρίβων ἐγὼ, καὶ ἀδείας ἀπολαύων, τῆς ὑμετέρας ἐμεμνήμην ἀγάπης, ὅπου γε Παῦλος δεσμὰ περικείμενος, καὶ δεσμωτήριον οἰκῶν, καὶ μυρίους ὁρῶν ἐπηρτημένους αὐτῷ κινδύνους, καθάπερ ἐν λειμῶνι τῷ δεσμωτηρίῳ διάγων, οὕτω τῶν ἀδελφῶν ἐμέμνητο, καὶ γράφων ἔλεγε· Καθώς ἐστι δίκαιον ἐμοὶ τοῦτο φρονεῖν περὶ ὑμῶν, διὰ τὸ ἔχειν με ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ ὑμᾶς, ἔν τε τοῖς δεσμοῖς μου, καὶ ἐν τῇ ἀπολογίᾳ καὶ βεβαιώσει τοῦ Εὐαγγελίου; Ἔξωθεν ἅλυσις ἡ παρὰ τῶν ἐχθρῶν, καὶ ἔσωθεν ἅλυσις ἡ τοῦ φίλτρου τῶν