Letter X.

(a.d. 389.)

To Nebridius Augustin Sends Greeting,

1. No question of yours ever kept me so disturbed while reflecting upon it, as the remark which I read in your last letter, in which you chide me for being indifferent as to making arrangements by which it may be possible for us to live together. A grave charge, and one which, were it not unfounded, would be most perilous. But since satisfactory reasons seem to prove that we can live as we would wish to do better here than at Carthage, or even in the country, I am wholly at a loss, my dear Nebridius, what to do with you. Shall such a conveyance as may best suit your state of health be sent from us to you? Our friend Lucinianus informs me that you can be carried without injury in a palanquin. But I consider, on the other hand, how your mother, who could not bear your absence from her when you were in health, will be much less able to bear it when you are ill. Shall I myself then come to you? This I cannot do, for there are some here who cannot accompany me, and whom I would think it a crime for me to leave. For you already can pass your time agreeably when left to the resources of our own mind; but in their case the object of present efforts is that they may attain to this. Shall I go and come frequently, and so be now with you, now with them? But this is neither to live together, nor to live as we would wish to do. For the journey is not a short one, but so great at least that the attempt to perform it frequently would prevent our gaining the wished-for leisure. To this is added the bodily weakness through which, as you know, I cannot accomplish what I wish, unless I cease wholly to wish what is beyond my strength.

2. To occupy one’s thoughts throughout life with journeyings which you cannot perform tranquilly and easily, is not the part of a man whose thoughts are engaged with that last journey which is called death, and which alone, as you understand, really deserves serious consideration. God has indeed granted to some few men whom He has ordained to bear rule over churches, the capacity of not only awaiting calmly, but even desiring eagerly, that last journey, while at the same time they can meet without disquietude the toils of those other journeyings; but I do not believe that either to those who are urged to accept such duties through desire for worldly honour, or to those who, although occupying a private station, covet a busy life, so great a boon is given as that amid bustle and agitating meetings, and journeyings hither and thither, they should acquire that familiarity with death which we seek: for both of these classes had it in their power to seek edification24    Text, “deificari” for “ædificari” (?). in retirement. Or if this be not true, I am, I shall not say the most foolish of all men, but at least the most indolent, since I find it impossible, without the aid of such an interval of relief from care and toil, to taste and relish that only real good. Believe me, there is need of much withdrawal of oneself from the tumult of the things which are passing away, in order that there may be formed in man, not through insensibility, not through presumption, not through vainglory, not through superstitious blindness, the ability to say, “I fear nought.” By this means also is attained that enduring joy with which no pleasurable excitement found elsewhere is in any degree to be compared.

3. But if such a life does not fall to the lot of man, how is it that calmness of spirit is our occasional experience? Wherefore is this experience more frequent, in proportion to the devotion with which any one in his inmost soul worships God? Why does this tranquillity for the most part abide with one in the business of life, when he goes forth to its duties from that sanctuary? Why are there times in which, speaking, we do not fear death, and, silent, even desire it? I say to you—for I would not say it to every one—to you whose visits to the upper world I know well, Will you, who have often felt how sweetly the soul lives when it dies to all mere bodily affections, deny that it is possible for the whole life of man to become at length so exempt from fear, that he may be justly called wise? Or will you venture to affirm that this state of mind, on which reason leans has ever been your lot, except when you were shut up to commune with your own heart? Since these things are so, you see that it remains only for you to share with me the labour of devising how we may arrange to live together. You know much better than I do what is to be done in regard to your mother, whom your brother Victor, of course, does not leave alone. I will write no more, lest I turn your mind away from considering this proposal.

EPISTOLA X . De convictu cum Nebridio et secessione a mundanarum rerum tumultu.

NEBRIDIO AUGUSTINUS.

1. Nunquam aeque quidquam tuarum inquisitionum me in cogitando tenuit aestuantem, atque illud quod recentissimis litteris tuis legi, ubi nos arguis quod consulere negligamus ut una nobis vivere liceat. Magnum crimen, et, nisi falsum esset, periculosissimum. Sed cum probabilis ratio demonstrare videatur, hic nos potius quam Carthagini, vel etiam ruri, ex sententia posse degere, quid tecum agam, mi Nebridi, prorsus incertus sum. Mittaturne ad te accommodissimum tibi vehiculum? nam basterna innoxie te vehi posse noster Lucinianus auctor est. At matrem cogito, ut quae absentiam sani non ferebat, imbecilli multo 0074 minus esse laturam. Veniamne ipse ad vos? At hic sunt qui nec venire mecum queant, et quos deserere nefas putem. Tu enim potes et apud tuam mentem suaviter habitare; ii vero ut idem possint, satagitur. Eamne crebro et redeam, et nunc tecum, nunc cum ipsis sim? At hoc neque simul, neque ex sententia vivere est. Non enim brevis est via, sed tanta omnino, cujus peragendae negotium saepe suscipere, non sit ad optatum otium pervenisse. Huc accedit infirmitas corporis, qua ego quoque, ut nosti, non valeo quod volo, nisi omnino desinam quidquam plus velle quam valeo.

2. Profectiones ergo quas quietas et faciles habere nequeas, per totam cogitare vitam, non est hominis de illa una ultima, quae mors vocatur, cogitantis; de qua vel sola intelligis vere esse cogitandum. Dedit quidem Deus paucis quibusdam, quos gubernatores ecclesiarum esse voluit, ut et illam non solum exspectarent fortiter, sed alacriter etiam desiderarent, et earum obeundarum labores sine ullo angore susciperent: sed neque iis qui ad hujusmodi administrationes temporalis honoris amore raptantur, neque rursum iis, qui cum sint privati, negotiosam vitam appetunt, hoc tantum bonum concedi arbitror, ut inter strepitus inquietosque conventus atque discursus, cum morte familiaritatem, quam quaerimus, faciant; deificari enim utrisque in otio licebat. Aut si hoc falsum est, ego sum omnium, ne dicam stultissimus, certe ignavissimus, cui nisi proveniat quaedam secura cessatio, sincerum illud bonum gustare atque amare non possum. Magna secessione a tumultu rerum labentium, mihi crede, opus est, ut non duritia, non audacia, non cupiditate inanis gloriae, non superstitiosa credulitate fiat in homine, nihil timere. Hinc enim fit illud etiam solidum gaudium, nullis omnino laetitiis ulla ex particula conferendum.

3. Quod si in naturam humanam talis vita non cadit, ur aliquando evenit ista securitas? cur tanto evenit crebrius, quanto quisque in mentis penetralibus adorat Deum? cur in actu etiam humano plerumque ista tranquillitas manet, si ex illo adyto ad agendum quisque procedat? cur interdum et cum loquimur, mortem non formidamus, cum autem non loquimur, etiam cupimus? Tibi dico, non enim hoc cuilibet dicerem, tibi, inquam, dico, cujus itinera in superna bene novi, tune, cum expertus saepe sis quam dulce vivat, cum amori corporeo animus moritur, negabis tandem totam hominis vitam posse intrepidam fieri, ut rite sapiens nominetur? aut hanc affectionem, qua ratio nititur, tibi accidisse unquam, nisi cum in intimis tuis angeris , asserere audebis? Quae cum ita sint, restare unum vides, ut tu quoque in commune consulas, quo vivamus simul. Quid enim cum matre agendum sit, quam certe frater Victor non deserit, tu multo melius calles quam ego. Alia scribere, ne te ab ista cogitatione averterem, nolui.