20. What then do I mean? I am no proficient in virtue without reward, having not attained to so high a degree of virtue. Give me the reward of my labours. What reward? Not that which some, prone to any suspicion would suppose, but that which it is safe for me to seek. Give me a respite from my long labours; give honour to my foreign service; elect another in my place, the one who is being eagerly sought on your behalf, someone who is clean of hands, someone who is not unskilled in voice, someone who is able to gratify you on all points, and share with you the ecclesiastical cares; for this is especially the time for such. But behold, I pray you, the condition of this body, so drained by time, by disease, by toil. What need have you of a timid and unmanly old man, who is, so to speak, dying day by day, not only in body, but even in powers of mind, who finds it difficult to enter into these details before you? Disobey not the voice of your teacher: for indeed you have never yet disobeyed it. I am weary of being charged with my gentleness. I am weary of being assailed in words and in envy by enemies, and by our own. Some aim at my breast, and are less successful in their effort, for an open enemy can be guarded against. Others lie in wait for my back, and give greater pain, for the unsuspected blow is the more fatal. If again I have been a pilot, I have been one of the most skilful; the sea has been boisterous around us, boiling about the ship, and there has been considerable uproar among the passengers, who have always been fighting about something or another, and roaring against one another and the waves. What a struggle I have had, seated at the helm, contending alike with the sea and the passengers, to bring the vessel safe to land through this double storm? Had they in every way supported me, safety would have been hardly won, and when they were opposed to me, how has it been possible to avoid making shipwreck?
Κʹ. Τί οὖν ἐστιν ὅ φημι; Οὐ γὰρ ἄμισθος ἐγὼ τῆς ἀρετῆς ἐργάτης, οὐδ' εἰς τοσοῦτον ἀρετῆς ἀφικόμην. Δότε μοι τῶν πόνων μισθόν. Τίνα τοῦτον; Οὐχ ὃν ἄν τινες ὑπολάβοιεν τῶν πάντα ῥᾳδίων: ἀλλ' ὃν ἐμοὶ ζητεῖν ἀσφαλές. Ἀναπαύσατε τῶν μακρῶν πόνων ἡμᾶς: αἰδέσθητε τὴν πολιὰν ταύτην: τιμήσατε τὴν ξενιτείαν: ἄλλον ἀντεισαγάγετε, τὸν ὑπὲρ ὑμῶν διωκόμενον, ὅστις καθαρὸς χεῖρας, ὅστις φωνὴν οὐκ ἀσύνετος, ὅστις ἱκανὸς τὰ πάντα ὑμῖν χαρίζεσθαι, καὶ συνδιαφέρειν τὰς ἐκκλησιαστικὰς φροντίδας: ἐπειδὴ τούτων μάλιστα νῦν ὁ καιρός. Ἐμοὶ δὲ ὁρᾶτε καὶ τὸ σῶμα ὡς ἔχει τοῦτο, καὶ χρόνῳ, καὶ νόσῳ, καὶ πόνῳ δαπανηθέν. Τί δεῖ γέροντος ὑμῖν δειλοῦ, καὶ ἀνάνδρου, καὶ καθ' ἑκάστην, ὡς εἰπεῖν, ἀποθνήσκοντος τὴν ἡμέραν, οὐ τῷ σώματι μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ ταῖς φροντίσιν: ὃς μόλις καὶ ταῦτα ὑμῖν διαλέγομαι; Μὴ ἀπιστήσητε φωνῇ διδασκάλου: καὶ γὰρ οὐδὲ ἠπιστήσατε πώποτε. Κέκμηκα, τὴν ἐπιείκειαν ἐγκαλούμενος. Κέκμηκα, καὶ λόγῳ, καὶ φθόνῳ μαχόμενος, καὶ πολεμίοις, καὶ ἡμετέροις. Οἱ μὲν τὰ στέρνα παίουσι, καὶ ἧττον ἐπιτυγχάνουσι: τὸ γὰρ προδήλως ἐχθρὸν, εὐφύλακτον. Οἱ δὲ, τὰ νῶτα τηροῦσι, καὶ μᾶλλόν εἰσι λυπηροί: τὸ γὰρ ἀνύποπτον, καιριώτερον. Εἰ δὲ καὶ κυβερνήτης ἦν, καὶ τῶν λίαν ἐπιστημόνων: εἶτα πολλὴ μὲν ἦν περὶ ἡμᾶς ἡ θάλασσα, καὶ περὶ τὴν ναῦν ζέουσα: πολλὴ δὲ τῶν ἐμπλεόντων ἡ στάσις, ἄλλων περὶ ἄλλου ζυγομαχούντων, καὶ ἀντικτυπούντων ἀλλήλοις τε καὶ τοῖς κύμασι, πόσον ἀντέσχον ἂν ἐπὶ τῶν οἰάκων καθήμενος, ὥστε καὶ θαλάσσῃ καὶ τοῖς ἐμπλέουσι μάχεσθαι, καὶ διασώζειν ἀκινδύνως τὴν ναῦν ἐκ διπλοῦ τοῦ κλύδωνος; Ὧν γὰρ παντὶ τρόπῳ συναγωνιζομένων, χαλεπὸν ἦν τὸ τῆς σωτηρίας, τούτων πῶς οἷόν τε ἀνταγωνιζομένων μὴ καταδύεσθαι;