Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions

60. By these temptations, O Lord, are we daily tried; yea, unceasingly are we tried. Our daily “furnace”834 Isa. xlviii. 10, and Prov. xxvii. 21. is the human tongue. And in this respect also dost Thou command us to be continent. Give what Thou commandest, and command what Thou wilt. Regarding this matter, Thou knowest the groans of my heart, and the rivers835 Lam. iii. 48. of mine eyes. For I am not able to ascertain how far I am clean of this plague, and I stand in great fear of my “secret faults,”836 Ps. xix. 12. See note 5, page 47, above. which Thine eyes perceive, though mine do not. For in other kinds of temptations I have some sort of power of examining myself; but in this, hardly any. For, both as regards the pleasures of the flesh and an idle curiosity, I see how far I have been able to hold my mind in check when I do without them, either voluntarily or by reason of their not being at hand;837 In his De Vera Relig. sec. 92, he points out that adversity also, when it comes to a good man, will disclose to him how far his heart is set on worldly things: “Hoc enim sine amore nostro aderat, quod sine dolore discedit.” for then I inquire of myself how much more or less troublesome it is to me not to have them. Riches truly which are sought for in order that they may minister to some one of these three “lusts,”838 1 John ii. 16. See beginning of sec. 41, above. or to two, or the whole of them, if the mind be not able to see clearly whether, when it hath them, it despiseth them, they may be cast on one side, that so it may prove itself. But if we desire to test our power of doing without praise, need we live ill, and that so flagitiously and immoderately as that every one who knows us shall detest us? What greater madness than this can be either said or conceived? But if praise both is wont and ought to be the companion of a good life and of good works, we should as little forego its companionship as a good life itself. But unless a thing be absent, I do not know whether I shall be contented or troubled at being without it.

61. What, then, do I confess unto Thee, O Lord, in this kind of temptation? What, save that I am delighted with praise, but more with the truth itself than with praise? For were I to have my choice, whether I had rather, being mad, or astray on all things, be praised by all men, or, being firm and well-assured in the truth, be blamed by all, I see which I should choose. Yet would I be unwilling that the approval of another should even add to my joy for any good I have. Yet I admit that it doth increase it, and, more than that, that dispraise doth diminish it. And when I am disquieted at this misery of mine, an excuse presents itself to me, the value of which Thou, God, knowest, for it renders me uncertain. For since it is not continency alone that Thou hast enjoined upon us, that is, from what things to hold back our love, but righteousness also, that is, upon what to bestow it, and hast wished us to love not Thee only, but also our neighbour,839 Lev. xix. 18. See book xii. secs. 35, 41, below.—often, when gratified by intelligent praise, I appear to myself to be gratified by the proficiency or towardliness of my neighbour, and again to be sorry for evil in him when I hear him dispraise either that which he understands not, or is good. For I am sometimes grieved at mine own praise, either when those things which I am displeased at in myself be praised in me, or even lesser and trifling goods are more valued than they should be. But, again, how do I know whether I am thus affected, because I am unwilling that he who praiseth me should differ from me concerning myself—not as being moved with consideration for him, but because the same good things which please me in myself are more pleasing to me when they also please another? For, in a sort, I am not praised when my judgment of myself is not praised; since either those things which are displeasing to me are praised, or those more so which are less pleasing to me. Am I then uncertain of myself in this matter?

62. Behold, O Truth, in Thee do I see that I ought not to be moved at my own praises for my own sake, but for my neighbour’s good. And whether it be so, in truth I know not. For concerning this I know less of myself than dost Thou. I beseech Thee now, O my God, to reveal to me myself also, that I may confess unto my brethren, who are to pray for me, what I find in myself weak. Once again let me more diligently examine myself.840 It may be well, in connection with the striking piece of soul-anatomy in this and the last two sections, to advert to other passages in which Augustin speaks of the temptation arising from the praise of men. In Serm. cccxxxix. 1, he says that he does not altogether dislike praise when it comes from the good, though feeling it to be a snare, and does not reject it: “Ne ingrati sint quibus prædico.” That is, as he says above, he accepted it for his “neighbour’s good,” since, had his neighbour not been ready to give praise, it would have indicated a wrong condition of heart in him. We are, therefore, as he argues in his De Serm. Dom. in Mon. ii. 1, 2, 6, to see that the design of our acts be not that men should see and praise us (compare also Enarr. in Ps. lxv. 2). If they praise us it is well, since it shows that their heart is right; but if we “act rightly only because of the praise of men” (Matt. vi. 2, 5), we seek our own glory and not that of God. See also Serms. xciii. 9, clix. 10, etc.; and De Civ. Dei, v. 13, 14. If, in mine own praise, I am moved with consideration for my neighbour, why am I less moved if some other man be unjustly dispraised than if it be myself? Why am I more irritated at that reproach which is cast upon myself, than at that which is with equal injustice cast upon another in my presence? Am I ignorant of this also? or does it remain that I deceive myself,841 Gal. vi. 3. and do not the “truth”842 1 John i. 8. before Thee in my heart and tongue? Put such madness far from me, O Lord, lest my mouth be to me the oil of sinners, to anoint my head.843 Ps. cxli. 5, according to the Vulg. and LXX. The Authorized Version (with which the Targum is in accord) gives the more probable sense, when it makes the oil to be that of the righteous and not that of the sinner: “Let the righteous smite me, it shall be a kindness; and let him reprove me, it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head.”

CAPUT XXXVII. Ut movetur laudibus humanis.

60. Tentamur his tentationibus quotidie, Domine; sine cessatione tentamur. Quotidiana fornax nostra est humana lingua. Imperas nobis et in hoc genere continentiam: da quod jubes, et jube quod vis. Tu nosti de hac re ad te gemitum cordis mei, et flumina oculorum meorum. Neque enim facile colligo quam sim ab ista peste mundatior, et multum timeo occulta mea (Psal. XVIII, 13), quae norunt oculi tui, mei autem non. Est enim qualiscumque in aliis generibus tentationum mihi facultas explorandi me; in hoc pene nulla est. Nam et a voluptatibus carnis, et a curiositate supervacanea cognoscendi, video quantum assecutus sim posse refrenare animum meum, cum eis 0805 rebus careo, vel voluntate, vel cum absunt . Tunc enim me interrogo, quam magis minusve mihi molestum sit non habere. Divitiae vero quae ob hoc expetuntur, ut alicui istarum trium cupiditatum, vel duabus earum, vel omnibus serviant, si persentiscere non potest animus utrum eas habens contemnat, possunt et dimitti ut se probet. Laude vero ut careamus, atque in eo experiamur quid possumus, numquid male vivendum est, et tam perdite atque immaniter, ut nemo nos noverit qui non detestetur? Quae major dementia dici aut cogitari potest? At si bonae vitae bonorumque operum comes et solet et debet esse laudatio, tam comitatum ejus, quam ipsam bonam vitam deseri non oportet. Non autem sentio sine quo esse aut aequo animo, aut aegre possim, nisi cum abfuerit.

61. Quid igitur tibi in hoc genere tentationis, Domine, confiteor? Quid, nisi delectari me laudibus; sed amplius ipsa veritate quam laudibus? Nam si mihi proponatur utrum malim furens, aut in omnibus rebus errans, ab omnibus hominibus laudari; an constans, et in veritate certissimus, ab omnibus vituperari; video quid eligam. Verumtamen nollem ut vel augeret mihi gaudium cujuslibet boni mei suffragatio oris alieni. Sed auget, fateor; non solum, sed et vituperatio minuit. Et cum ista miseria mea perturbor, subintrat mihi excusatio, quae qualis sit, tu scis, Deus; nam me incertum facit. Quia enim nobis imperasti non tantum continentiam, id est, a quibus rebus amorem cohibeamus, verum etiam justitiam, id est, quo eum conferamus; nec te tantum voluisti a nobis, verum etiam proximum diligi: saepe mihi videor de profectu aut spe proximi delectari, cum bene intelligentis laude delector; et rursus ejus malo contristari, cum eum audio vituperare quod aut ignorat, aut bonum est. Nam et contristor aliquando laudibus meis, cum vel ea laudantur in me, in quibus ipse mihi displiceo; vel etiam bona minora et levia pluris aestimantur quam aestimanda sunt. Sed rursus, unde scio an propterea sic afficior, quia nolo de meipso a me dissentire laudatorem meum; non quia illius utilitate moveor, sed quia eadem bona quae mihi in me placent, jucundiora mihi sunt cum et alteri placent? Quodammodo enim non ego laudor, cum de me sententia mea non laudatur; quandoquidem aut illa laudantur quae mihi displicent, aut illa amplius quae mihi minus placent. Ergone de hoc incertus sum mei?

62. Ecce in te, Veritas, video non me laudibus meis propter me, sed propter proximi utilitatem moveri oportere. Et utrum ita sit nescio. Minus mihi in hac re notus sum ipse quam tu . Obsecro te, Deus meus, et meipsum mihi indica, ut confitear oraturis pro me fratribus meis quod in me saucium comperero. Iterum 0806 me diligentius interrogem. Si utilitate proximi moveor in laudibus meis, cur minus moveor, si quisquam alius injuste vituperetur, quam si ego? cur ea contumelia magis mordeor quae in me, quam quae in alium eadem iniquitate coram me jacitur? An et hoc nescio? Etiamne id restat ut ipse me seducam, et verum non faciam coram te in corde et lingua mea? Insaniam istam, Domine, longe fac a me, ne oleum peccatoris mihi sit os meum ad impinguandum caput meum (Psal. CXL, 5).