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Shame at the praises fell upon me, yet not so as to not rejoice at the matter. For the letter, through which it ostensibly praised my affairs, was both beautified and showed its beauty and stirred the lover to greater desire. But you also exalted the embassy not moderately with your letters. But if I am praised for being an ambassador, what would I be if I myself had consented? For as much as giving is greater than asking, by so much does he who is about to give surpass in virtue the one who has asked. But the most eloquent Aeneas sings praises as if he has already received; for having already had experience of you, he considers what is to come equal to what has been done. And if he proclaims before receiving, what would he become on obtaining what he desires? And someday when recounting your deeds he will surely add that you knew how to double your favors by your speed. And if it were possible to transform the excellent Megas into an orator on the same day, we would not have needed a second day. 45 To Zacharias and Philip, brothers I loved the admirable Julian for other reasons as well—for he is able to draw whomever he meets to desire him—but I was much more pleased that he became for me an occasion for a letter to you. For if I should ever get this, I think I am more fortunate than Cinyras. And he asks nothing difficult, but wishing me to be with him there too through you, he hopes you will make this happen, as I certainly do too. And I would become nothing if I were not present. But as to what the consistorium is, I do not know, for it strikes my hearing with Roman pomposity; but on your account I love even the name, and would wish it to be truly divine, and I honor a title whose function I do not know. And if your fortune has changed for the greater, still remain the same man you were of old in your deeds, so that I may not call you a boastful consistorianus. 46 To Zacharias, brother The fatherland—and let it be said with God's help—has looked upon us with favorable eyes; for it provided suitable men such as I had prayed to find, and after a short interval it brought together theaters for me and stirred up applause, and a certain fame, taking hold of me, led me through all mouths, and I seem somehow to be acting like a youth and to have my mind puffed up by the applause and to have the sophistic manner entirely, as you yourself would say. So you mock such things; but I will not endure not being brilliant and raising my brow and following the law of my art. Let these things then be said by me in jest, so that I may provide you with material for mocking, as is your habit; for you please me by mocking, know well, more than others do striking me with many praises. 47 To Philip, brother Behold, for you again another letter, but you—what has happened to you I do not know—are silent again. For if you will say you have no leisure, but your profession always brings you some profit, it is terrible, alas, terrible, if you do not give us even a small part of the whole year for yourself, but still I rejoice with you in your lack of leisure. But if you are silent because you are otherwise wealthy from your profession, I congratulate you for this too, yet I would not have wished you to be so wealthy as to be puffed up against us and no longer to know your dearest old friends. And yet we gape for your letters, and we look toward the sea no less than Phyllis calling for Demophon, that unjust man who knew not how to love in return, who, when he was just recently a bridegroom and was increasing Phyllis's love, went away, leaving the bridal chamber, truly giving hopes that he would come again. But as soon as he was let go and was gone, he immediately changed and did not see Phyllis again, but she wept toward the sea and counted the merchant ships, lest one of them might be bringing Demophon. But I think our situation is more terrible; for he no longer wished to be present, but you, not being far away, do not write. 48 To Constantius While still living by the Nile I received that beautiful letter. It would not be right to pass over in silence what happened concerning it. For when the bearer delivered it and added from where it came, I suffered a kind of lover's passion. For having strayed a little from what was likely, I immediately thought you were surely present with me. And so, "1O dearest of men,"2 I said, "1how much you grieved me by your absence, and now you have come to those who longed for you."2 But when by saying such things many times I gave those present a suspicion about the matter, "1And what is wrong with you?"2 they said. "1For he is surely not present with you."2 And coming to my senses I was vexed, like one who has been deprived of such a thing
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αἰδώς μοι προσέπιπτε τῶν ἐπαίνων, πλὴν οὐχ ὥστε μὴ χαί ρειν τῷ πράγματι. ἡ γὰρ ἐπιστολὴ δι' ὧν δῆθεν ἐπῄνει τὰ ἐμά, ὡραΐζετό τε καὶ τὸ κάλλος ἐδείκνυ καὶ πρὸς μείζω πόθον ἐκίνει τὸν ἐραστήν. ἀλλὰ καὶ τὴν πρεσβείαν οὐ μετρίως ἐπῆρας τοῖς γράμμασιν. εἰ δὲ πρεσβεύων ἐπαινοῦ μαι, τίς ἂν εἴην αὐτὸς ἐπινεύσας; ὅσον γὰρ μεῖζον τοῦ αἰτεῖν τὸ διδόναι, τοσοῦτον εἰς ἀρετῆς λόγον ὁ διδόναι μέλλων τὸν ᾐτηκότα νικᾷ. ὁ δὲ λογιώ τατος Αἰνείας ὡς ἤδη λαβὼν ἀνυμνεῖ· ἤδη γὰρ ὑμῶν εἰς πεῖραν ἐλθὼν ἐν ἴσῳ τὸ μέλλον τῷ πραχθέντι λογίζεται. εἰ δὲ πρὶν λαβεῖν κηρύττει, τίς ἂν γένοιτο τοῦ ποθουμένου τυχών; καί ποτε τὰ σὰ διηγούμενος προσθήσει πάντως, ὡς καὶ τῷ τάχει διπλασιάζειν ᾔδεις τὰς χάριτας. τὸν δὲ βέλτιστον Μέγαν εἴπερ οἷόν τε ἦν αὐθημερὸν μετασκευάζειν εἰς ῥήτορα, οὐκ ἂν ἡμῖν ἔδει δευτέρας ἡμέρας. 45 Ζαχαρίαι καὶ Φιλίππωι ἀδελφοῖσ Τὸν θαυμαστὸν Ἰουλιανὸν καὶ ἄλλως μὲν ἠγάπωνἱκανὸς γὰρ ἐφέλ κεσθαι τὸν ἐντυχόντα πρὸς πόθονπολὺ δὲ μᾶλλον ἥσθην ὅτι μοι καὶ πρὸς ὑμᾶς γραμμάτων γέγονε πρόφασις. τούτου γὰρ εἴ ποτε λαβοίμην, ὑπὲρ τὸν Κινύραν εἶναι δοκῶ. αἰτεῖ δὲ δυσχερὲς οὐδέν, ἀλλ' αὐτῷ με παρεῖναι κἀκεῖσε βουλόμενος δι' ὑμῶν, ὑμᾶς ἐλπίζει τοῦτο γενέσθαι, ὅπερ πάντως κἀγώ. ἐγὼ δὲ οὐδὲν ἂν ὅ τι μὴ παρὼν ἐγινόμην. τὸ δὲ κονσιστόριον ὅ τι μέν ἐστιν ἀγνοῶ, Ῥωμαϊκῷ γὰρ κόμπῳ προσβάλλει τὴν ἐμὴν ἀκοήνδι' ὑμᾶς δὲ καὶ τοὔνομα φιλῶ, καὶ θεῖον ὄντως αὐτὸ βουλοίμην ὑπάρχειν, καὶ τιμῶ προσηγορίαν ἧς τὸ ἔργον ἠγνόησα. εἰ δὲ καὶ μεταβέβληταί σοι πρὸς τὸ μεῖζον ἡ τύχη, ἀλλὰ μεῖνον ὅσπερ ἦσθα πάλαι τοῖς ἔργοις, ἵνα μή σε ἀλαζόνα κονσιστοριανὸν ὀνομάσω. 46 Ζαχαρίαι ἀδελφῶι Ἡ πατρὶςσὺν θεῷ δὲ εἰρήσθωεὐμενέσιν εἶδεν ἡμᾶς ὀφθαλμοῖς· τοὺς γὰρ ἐπιτηδείους παρέστησεν ὁποίους ηὐχόμην εὑρεῖν, βραχὺ δὲ διαλιποῦσα θέατρά μοι συνῆγε καὶ κρότους ἐκίνει, καί μέ τις φήμη λαβοῦσα διὰ πάντων ἦγε στομάτων, καί τί που καὶ νεανιεύεσθαι δοκῶ καὶ τὸν νοῦν ἐπῆρθαι τοῖς κρότοις καὶ τὸ σοφιστικὸν ἀτεχνῶς ἔχειν, ὡς ἂν αὐτὸς εἴποις. σὺ μὲν οὖν σκῶπτε τοιαῦτα· ἐγὼ δὲ οὐκ ἀνέξομαι μὴ οὐ λαμπρὸς εἶναι καὶ τὴν ὀφρῦν ἄνω φέρειν καὶ τῷ τῆς ἐμῆς τέχνης ἕπεσθαι νόμῳ. ταῦτα μὲν οὖν μοι πεπαίχθω ὡς ἄν σοι καὶ τοῦ σκώπτειν συνήθως ὕλην παράσχω· εὐφραίνεις γάρ με σκώπτων, εὖ ἴσθι, ἢ πολλοῖς ἐπαίνοις βάλλοντες ἕτεροι. 47 Φιλίππωι ἀδελφῶι Ἰδού σοι καὶ πάλιν ἕτερα γράμματα, σὺ δέ, τί παθὼν οὐκ οἶδαπάλιν σιγᾷς. εἰ μὲν γὰρ σχολὴν οὐκ ἄγειν ἐρεῖς, ἀλλά σοι διὰ παντὸς ἡ τέχνη φέρει τι κέρδος, δεινὸν μέν, οἴμοι δεινόν, εἰ μηδὲ βραχὺ τοῦ παντὸς ἔτους ἡμῖν παρέχεις σεαυτόν, ἀλλ' οὖν συνήδομαί γέ σοι τῆς ἀσχολίας· εἰ δὲ πλουτῶν ἄλλως ἀπὸ τῆς τέχνης σιγᾷς, συγχαίρω μέν σοι καὶ τούτου, οὐ μὴν ἐβου λόμην σε τοσοῦτον πλουτεῖν, ὡς καθ' ἡμῶν ἐπῆρθαι καὶ μηκέτ' εἰδέναι τοὺς πάλαι φιλτάτους. καίτοι κεχήναμέν γέ σου τοῖς γράμμασι, καὶ πρὸς τὴν θάλατταν ὁρῶμεν οὐχ ἧττον ἢ Φυλλὶς τὸν ∆ημοφῶντα καλοῦσα τὸν ἄδικον ἐκεῖνον καὶ ἀντερᾶν οὐκ εἰδότα, ὃν ἐπειδὴ νυμφίος ἦν ἀρτίως καὶ ηὔξει τῇ Φυλλίδι τὸν ἔρωτα, ᾤχετο τὴν παστάδα καταλιπών, ἦ μὴν ὡς ἥξει πάλιν ἐλπίδας διδούς. ὡς δ' οὖν ἀφείθη καὶ ᾤχετο, ὁ μὲν εὐθὺς μετεβλήθη καὶ τὴν Φυλλίδα πάλιν οὐκ εἶδεν, ἡ δὲ πρὸς τὴν θάλατταν ἐδάκρυε, καὶ τὰς ὁλκάδας ἠρίθμει, μή ποτέ τις αὐτῶν τὸν ∆ημοφῶντα κομίζοιτο. ἀλλὰ γὰρ τὸ καθ' ἡμᾶς οἶμαι δεινότερον· ὁ μὲν γὰρ οὐκ ἤθελεν ἔτι παρεῖναι, σὺ δὲ οὐ μακρὰν ἀπὼν ἐπιστέλλειν. 48 Κωνσταντίωι Ἔτι παρὰ τὸν Νεῖλον οἰκῶν τὴν καλὴν ἐκείνην ἐπιστολὴν ἐδεξάμην. οἷον δὲ περὶ ταύτην συνέβη οὐ καλῶς ἂν ἔχοι σιγῇ παρελθεῖν. ὡς γὰρ ἐπέδωκε ταύτην ὁ φέρων, προσετίθει δὲ καὶ πόθεν, πάσχω τι πάθος ἐρωτικόν. βραχὺ γὰρ ἀποπλανηθεὶς τοῦ εἰκότος ἤδη σε καὶ παρεῖναί μοι πάντως ἐδόκουν. καὶ τοίνυν "1ὦ φίλτατ' ἀνδρῶν"2 ἔφην "1ὡς ἀπὼν ἄγαν ἐλύπεις καὶ νῦν ποθοῦσιν ἀφῖξαι"2. ὡς δὲ τοιαῦτα πολλάκις εἰπὼν τοῖς παροῦσιν ὑποψίαν παρεῖχον τοῦ πράγματος, "1καὶ δὴ τί πάσχεις;"2 ἔφησαν· "1οὐ γὰρ δή σοι καὶ παρὼν ἐκεῖνος τυγχάνει"2. εἰς δὲ μνήμην ἐλθὼν ἐμαυτοῦ ἠνιάθην, οἷα δή τις ἁμαρτὼν τῆς τοιαύτης