16. But why do we delay? Let us set out: but first let us see (for this comes first) whether we are in a sound state. A. Do thou see to it, if either in thyself or in me that hast any discernment of what is to be found; I will answer, being inquired of, to my best knowledge. R. Do you love anything besides the knowledge of God and yourself? A. I might answer, that I love nothing besides, having regard to my present feelings; but I should be safer to say that I do not know. For it hath often chanced to me, that when I believed I was open to nothing else, something nevertheless would come into the mind which stung me otherwise than I had presumed. So often, when something, conceived in thought, disturbed me little, yet when it came in fact it disquieted me more than I supposed: but now I do not see myself sensible to perturbation except by three things; by the fear of losing those whom I love, by the fear of pain, by the fear of death. R. You love, therefore, both a life associated with those dearest to you, and your own good health, and your bodily life itself: or you would not fear the loss of these. A. It is so, I acknowledge. R. Now therefore, the fact that all your friends are not with you, and that your health is not very firm, occasions you some uneasiness of mind. For that I see to be implied. A. Thou seest rightly; I am not able to deny it. R. How if you should suddenly feel and find yourself sound in health, and should see all whom you love and who love each other, enjoying in your company liberal ease? would you not think it right to give way in reasonable measure even to transports of joy? A. In a measure, undoubtedly. Nay, if these things, as thou sayest, bechanced me suddenly, how could I contain myself? how could I possibly even dissemble joy of such a sort? R. As yet, therefore, you are tossed about by all the diseases and perturbations of the mind. What shamelessness, then, that with such eyes you should wish to see such a Sun! A. Thy conclusion then is, that I am utterly ignorant how far I am advanced in health, how far disease has receded, or how far it remains. Suppose me to grant this.

CAPUT IX. Amor nostri.

16. Sed quid moramur? Aggredienda est via: videamus tamen, quod praecedit omnia, utrum sani simus. A. Hoc tu videris, si vel in te, vel in me aliquantum aspicere potes: ego quaerenti, si quid sentio, respondebo. R. Amasne aliquid praeter tui Deique scientiam? A. Possem respondere, nihil me amare amplius, pro eo sensu qui mihi nunc est; sed tutius respondeo nescire me. Nam saepe mihi usu venit ut cum alia nulla re me crederem commoveri, veniret tamen aliquid in mentem, quod me multo aliter atque praesumpseram pungeret. Item saepe, quamvis in cogitationem res aliqua incidens non me pervellerit, revera tamen veniens perturbavit plus quam putabam: sed modo videor mihi tribus tantum rebus posse commoveri: metu amissionis eorum quos diligo, metu doloris, metu mortis. R. Amas ergo et vitam tecum charissimorum tuorum, et bonam valetudinem tuam, et vitam tuam ipsam in hoc corpore: neque enim aliter amissionem horum metueres. A. Fateor, ita est. R. Modo 0878 ergo, quod non omnes tecum sunt amici tui, et quod tua valetudo minus integra est, facit animo nonnullam aegritudinem: nam et id esse consequens video. A. Recte vides; negare non possum. R. Quid, si te repente sano esse corpore sentias et probes, tecumque omnes quos diligis concorditer, liberali otio frui videas, nonne aliquantum tibi etiam laetitia gestiendum est? A. Vere aliquantum; imo, si haec praesertim, ut dicis, repente provenerint, quando me capiam; quando id genus gaudii vel dissimulare permittar? R. Omnibus igitur adhuc morbis animi et perturbationibus agitaris. Quaenam ergo talium oculorum impudentia est, velle illum solem videre? A. Ita conclusisti quasi prorsus non sentiam quantum sanitas mea promoverit, aut quid pestium recesserit, quantumque restiterit. Fac me istud concedere.